


Love You, Hate You

by profRogers



Category: Carol (2015), The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, F/F, Humor, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-17
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-05-21 04:28:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 64,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6038031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/profRogers/pseuds/profRogers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Therese Belivet is an ambitious young girl trying to make a name for herself in this world; but first, she has to prove herself to her boss. There is just one tiny problem: Carol Aird is impossible to please. She is cold, ruthless, and incapable of human emotions. And to Therese's greatest frustration, Mrs. Aird also happens to be the hottest woman walking the face of the planet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Beginning

~~~~“Mrs. Aird? Genevieve said you were looking for me?”

I stepped into her office, wearily glancing at the narrow back of the bane of my existence as she stood facing away from me.

“Ms. Belivet,” She slowly turned her head in my direction, waving to the chair opposite her imposing desk.

I could not help but wondering what I did wrong _this_ time. My mind nervously raced through all the possibilities, barely noticing her endless legs, scandalously covered by a form-fitting, black skirt that reached her knees and ended in fuck-me, peep-toe stilettos…Okay, I may have ogled them, but fuck it, those legs were amazing. Your eyes would be glued to them, too, if you were here.

I swore you could have heard a pin drop in the room as she stood there staring me down while I mentally went over each and every meaningless task she assigned to me over the past week.

Dry-cleaning dropped off, picked up, and hung neatly behind her office door, just like every other week...done. Meetings scheduled for the coming week programmed into her iPhone's calendar just like every other week...done. Latest manuscripts copied, bound, and stacked in her pigeon hole, just like every other week...done.

I ran through the list, ticking off the tasks I have become quite accustomed to and now performed with great efficiency.

If I wasn't nervous as hell about the meeting she requested with me less than five minutes ago, I would probably be pondering the reasons why I was still working here. I had my Honors degree in Journalism and a minor in Photography from one of the top universities in the country for fuck's sake. Why did I waste my degree slaving for her? I mean, anyone could have done this job, you didn't need a degre- FUCK! 

The fucking coffee! Of course! Of course it _had_ to be the coffee. Great. Fucking A.

I nearly grunted in frustration but managed to keep my mouth shut. No need to show her my state of turmoil.

I knew I should have turned around and corrected the order from Starbucks, but I was already running late. Richard's car broke down this morning and I had to dropped him off at work. And I honestly didn't think my anal retentive boss would notice that the milk in her latte was full cream instead of two percent.

I began to feel the tell-tale signs of panic settling in my abdomen. She was going to rip me a new one, I just knew it. I straightened my shoulders, bracing for what I was sure would be another one of her lectures about pulling my head out of my ass.

"Ms. Belivet," she stated in a voice that would be considered husky if it wasn't attached to the leader of all the ice queens this side of the Pacific. "I'm sure you're wondering why I called you into my office this late on a Friday afternoon."

She moved to stand behind her desk, her perfectly manicured hands resting on the back of her chair.

"Yes, Mrs. Aird." I felt like I was back in fourth grade, being scolded by my art teacher after I cut a chunk of Jenny Esser’s hair off because she was mean to me. My art teacher, however, did not smell of strawberries and roses, but rather a stale form of beetroot.

"Considering that it is almost five, I won't keep you for long," she remarked, keeping her cold grey eyes on mine steadily, "I'm sure you have somewhere to be, seeing as it is Friday."

I didn't know what to say to this.

Yes, Mrs. Aird. I actually had plans to get shit faced with my friends over at a seedy bar that would probably not meet with your standards. Instead, I gave her a tight-lipped smile.

Mrs. Aird's eyes pierced into mine, and then she opened her mouth to say something.

I knew I should have paid attention to whatever the hell she was talking about. I knew this. I learned my lesson the hard way over a year ago. She almost had me fired for not paying attention that time. But here I was, losing track of time again as my eyes glued to her dark, red lips.

“Ms. Belivet?”

I faintly heard someone say my name.

“Ms. Belivet? Are you paying attention?”

That did the trick. The sheer annoyance in the edge of her voice broke whatever spell I was under and pulled me back to reality.

“Yes! Mrs. Aird. Uh, of course. Uhm, please continue.”

I wished the floor would suddenly open up and swallow me whole.

_Pull yourself together for god’s sake. It’s just her lips. Everyone has lips. Nothing’s special about them. Goddamn her lips. Her stupid, perfect, little lips._

She sighed impatiently, not even bother to call me out on my bullshit, and continued, “Like I said, no more interrupting at important meetings like you did this afternoon. I appreciate your enthusiasm; but the thing that separates an average journalist from a great one is that great ones know when to speak and when not to,” She proceeded, “Do you understand?”

"Yes, Mrs. Aird." I cringed as my voice croaked on her surname.

“And you are not even a journalist yet.” She added, almost as if she was mocking me.

I closed my eyes to keep my anger under check. It would be very unwise to break down right here in her office. But damn it, as if I needed her to remind me the fact that I had slaved away at this company for over a year and had yet managed to achieve anything.

I remembered there was a time when I was over the moon when I first learned that I had been accepted as an assistant for the New Yorker Journalists. Gosh, that seemed like a lifetime ago.

I had been absolutely confident that the assistant thing was only temporary, and that I would move up to become a journalist in no time - two, three months tops. And why wouldn’t I? Every other newspaper company was practically fighting over me at the time, even the New York Times. I graduated at the top of NYU for god’s sake. All of my friends were baffled when I announced that I had declined the NYT's offer to fill the spot as one of their journalists, and that instead I would work here, under her. But they just did not understand. The chance to make a name for myself here - the newspaper company that had the largest circulation in the entire United States  _and_ working under Carol Aird - one of the most reputable senior editors in the country, were beyond a dream come true. I would have accepted it in a heartbeat even if all they offered was a janitor job. All I wanted was to learn something from my career hero, the Great Mrs. Carol Aird.

What a fucking moron I was.

It had been over a year and all I managed to learn was that she was the coldest, most ruthless bitch I had ever had the misfortune to meet. Life was indeed funny, wasn’t it? I wished they had offered me a janitor job instead. There was no doubt that I would have far more joy cleaning dirty toilets every day than working under this devil of a woman.

“Ms. Belivet," She continued, "I do hope that was the last time it happened. I will not tolerate this kind of behavior anymore in the future. Not only did you embarrass yourself, you managed to embarrass me in front of my colleagues also. And. That. Is. Absolutely. Unacceptable." She sternly enunciated every single word of the last sentence.

I swallowed hard, not even attempting to hide my obvious anger this time. I thought she wanted to berate me about the coffee. I got that, that was entirely my fault, and I would have happily listened to her going on and on about what an incompetent human being I was without a single complaint. Well, not happily, but you know what I meant. But this? She criticized me for _this_? How was it my fault? All I did at the meeting was suggesting that I could supply a piece of writing for next week's paper, seeing as the topic was very similar to my bachelor’s thesis and I had received wonderful reviews from all of my professors. As a matter of fact, Mr. Carter, a junior editor, had thought it was a great idea and was going to ask for more information when Mrs. Aird promptly shut him up and continued to lead the conversation away from my suggestion.

She did not even _bother_ to hear it! Shouldn’t _she_ at least be a little guilty about brushing it off without sparing as much as a single thought about my idea? But somehow, _somehow_ , she managed to turn this whole thing around on me and actually wanted me to apologize? Was she fucking serious? I swore this woman had no regard for human emotion, probably because she was immune to nay of her own.

She stared at me pensively for a moment, watching my reaction, and I was once again hit with the fact that she was an extraordinarily beautiful woman. From her heart-shaped face and delicate features, to her creamy skin and long, thick, golden locks that were pulled back into a loose knot at the nape of her slender neck. She was nothing less than exquisite.

And I hated her. I loathed her. With every fiber of my entire being.

“Of course, Mrs. Aird. I apologize. It won’t happen again.” I begrudgingly said after a few seconds. 

There was no use arguing with her. She couldn't have care less if I was angry or not. And telling her to fuck off would not make my writing appear in next week's paper either. There was absolutely nothing I could do and boy, did I feel like shit.

"Good. Because there won't be a next time. I will make sure of that." 

"I understand." I didn't. All I understood at that point was that I wanted to strangle her. 

“I guess that's all for now. See you next Monday, Miss Belivet.” She casually dismissed me over her shoulder.

I stared at her in silence for a moment, before I felt my feet moving away from her.

“Oh, and Miss Belivet?” She effectively halted my movements.

I turned to look at her standing behind her desk, her hands resting delicately on the back of her chair.

“Next time please try to remember that I drink my coffee with two percent and not full cream milk. It isn't that difficult to get it right, is it?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have read quite a few fanfictions about how in love/thirsty our two beloved characters are for each other. It's great! I absolutely adore and appreciate every single fic. And my heart never ceases to melt whenever I read about how Carol messes Therese's entire life up with just a single glance. But too much of something can be a curse, too. Reading the same storyline over and over again starts to make everything become blurry, no matter how amazing the writing is. So I started to wonder. What if the story wasn't set it the 1950s? What if the story didn't begin with the dinner scene? What if Therese didn't fall in love at first sight with Carol? What if she actually hated her? I'd want to read that! To my dismay, there was not anything similar to what I'd just described; so in order to satisfy my curiosity, I did the only thing I could: I decided to write one of my own. Crazy, I know. But here it is.  
> I'm not a that good of a writer. And I want to throw myself off of a cliff every time I have to write a paper for any of my classes. So please, bear with me. But I do hope you will enjoy it.  
> Please drop a few comments every now and then to help and encourage me along the way. Thank you for now and see you in the next chapter!


	2. Jealousy

I haphazardly threw my bag across the table and plopped myself down on the chair with a loud sigh. Monday. Lovely.

"Well, good morning to you, too." Genevieve chuckled slightly besides me.

"Ugh, don't even start, Genevieve. Not until I have my coffee, at least." I reached over the desk and took a big gulp of the steaming cup of coffee. I really needed it today.

"Had a little too much fun last night?"

"Ha. Sure, sure. If you consider getting zero amount of sleep all night because your silly baby of a boyfriend disregarded your warning, proceeded to drink too much for his own good and then ended up vomiting all night is fun; then yeah, it was _super_ fun." I grunted the answer.

Richard threw a party last night. And by "party" I meant him and his loud, obnoxious friends getting together to play video games while getting blackout drunk.

Richard was a nice guy, he really was. But this was exactly the type of stuff he pulled that made me question why I was still with him. Sometimes I felt like I was babysitting a 10-year-old instead of dating a 30-year-old man. This was not healthy, was it?

"Jeez. That's rough."

"Tell me about it." I was getting mad all over again just remembering how I almost stepped into a dry puddle of Richard's vomit on the way to the bathroom this morning. Goddamn Richard and his immaturity. If he didn't clean it up when I got home today, I swore to God and all that was holy, I would cut his head off and feed it to the rats in the sewer. 

A few minutes passed while I tried my hardest to keep my eyes open before Genevieve spoke again.

"Last Friday, what was that all about?"

"What was what all about?"

"Mrs. Aird. Of course. Spill it. What did she want?"

"Oh. That."

"Yeah, that." Genevieve grinned at me.

For some reason, Genevieve loved hearing stories about Carol. As a matter of fact, everyone in the office did. There was not a whole lot of stories to begin with, though. Even though Carol Aird had been working at New York Journalists for over 10 years, she remained a complete mystery to everyone here. Nobody knew what type of person she was or what she did outside of work.

And because she didn't offer much information, people started to make things up. I personally didn't care much for these types of stories and wondered why people would even bother themselves with this trivial stuff. But I guessed it was just human nature to try to explain a mystery. Or maybe they just wanted to amuse themselves on the mundane days at the office. I honestly didn't know. But I had to admit, some of the stories were indeed entertaining.

Like the one I heard a few days after I started working here. As the story went, Mrs. Aird was making a joke during a conference. Right off the bat it sounded completely fake to me. People made jokes all the time. Even serious people. But not Carol Aird. Not the Carol Aird that I knew. No, not her. But I digressed. Back to the story. Apparently, it was a pretty damn funny joke, too, and everyone laughed. Unfortunately, poor Mr. Colton was laughing a little too long. Like, two seconds longer after everyone's laughter had died down. She had him fired on the spot.

Obviously, I didn't think that particular rumor was entertaining at the time, as a matter of fact, I was scared shitless after hearing it. But now? It was pretty damn hilarious if you'd asked me. 

"Oh, you know, the usual. I did something. She got mad. She threatened to fire me. Just like any other day."

"Oh."

Genevieve sounded so disappointed that I almost laughed. So I disclosed a little more information.

"Well, not exactly the usual stuff, though. This time, I didn't actually do anything wrong, you know?"

"How so?" I swore I saw her eyes light up.

"Well, she was angry because I suggested an idea during her meeting."

"Wait, why?"

"She said I disrupted the meeting. And it was very unprofessional. Excuse me, it was not like everyone was coming with amazing ideas at the time. I actually helped the conversation flowing, you know?" 

"How outrageous! How dare you contribute constructive ideas in a meeting, Miss Belivet? How dare you! What do think this place is? Some kind of workplace?"

I laughed. Genevieve always knew how to cheer me up.

"Yeah, getting schooled for trying to do something good. Can you believe that?"

"Actually, I can. It's Mrs. Aird, after all."

"I'm starting to think that she'd lose her appetite or something if she let a day goes by without chewing my ass out at least once."

"Well, don't take it personally, Belivet. It's the Ice Queen, you know how she is. Ohhhhh I'm soooooo important. Don't you dare interrupt me. I don't care how good your ideas are. I don't care about you or any of your idea. You are all beneath me. Ohhhhhhh look at me! Look at me!!!!"

Genevieve started to imitate their boss by dramatically flipping her hair around and speaking in this ridiculously deep voice. 

It was so unexpected that it made me laugh out loud and spit out my coffee.

"Oh shit" I exclaimed while still giggling.

"Jesus, I know I'm funny but try to keep your shit together Belivet." Genevieve chuckled.

Then she came over and started helping me wipe the coffee off of my shirt with some napkins.

"Damn, it's my good shirt, too. Thanks for making this lovely day even lovelier, Cantrell, I didn't think it was possible."

"You're very welcome, darling." Genevieve smiled sweetly and offered me some more napkins.

"Thanks, Eve. I think I'll just go clean up the rest in the bat-"

"Miss Belivet, could you come in my office for a second?" A voice startled me and I almost jumped. Almost.

Slowly, I turned around and there she was, the bane of my existence, in a deliciously sinful gray suit today, staring at me indifferently.

Fuck. Me.

How long had she been standing there? What had she heard? 

I briefly looked back at Genevieve and saw that all the blood had drained from her face.

"Of course, Mrs. Aird. But can you give me a second, first? I spilled some o-"

"Now." There was no room for negotiation in her voice. 

"Yes, of course." I mumbled even though she had already started to walk away.

"Oh my god, do you think she heard what I said?" Genevieve panicked.

"I don't know, fuck, I really don't know! But she didn't ask you to come, did she?"

"No, she didn't. Yeah, that was strange. What do you think she's going to do?"

"Fire me? I don't think I'm gonna work here anymore. Not if she heard what I said."

"You don't know that."

"She was standing right there, Genevieve! What else could she be upset about, it's Monday morning!"

Genevieve opened her mouth to say something, but then she closed it again.

"Best of luck, Belivet." She said instead.

Then she suddenly grabbed my hand and gave it a little squeeze.

"As if that's gonna help me." I said depressingly, but squeezed her hand back.

As I turned around, I was startled to see Carol was staring at me through her office's window. Or more accurately, she was staring at my _hand_.

I straightened myself up, mentally bracing myself for what I was sure would be our last meeting, and stepped into her office.

"Good morning, Mrs. Aird." I greeted weakly.

"Miss Belivet, this is a professional work place and I expect you to act like it."

Okay. Goodbye job. Goodbye dreams. Goodbye goals. 

This was it. This day had finally come. She had heard everything. She was going to have me fired. 

'Okay, it's now or never, Belivet.' I heard a voice in my head. 'This is your last chance to rip her a new one. Take it. Tell her to fuck off, just like you have always wanted to. It's not like you have anything left to lose. You know damn well she's gonna fire you anyway. This is your moment. This is your opportunity. This is your time to shine. Do it. For you, for me, for everyone who has the misfortune of working with her. Do it. Tell her to shove it up her ass. Do it. DO IT NOW!' 

It was very tempting. And the words were on the tip of my tongue. It took all my willpower to swallow them down. I had worked this hard to survive here more than a year. I owed it to myself to hang on to it a little more. Maybe I could bullshit my way through this. Maybe. Maybe not. But it was worth a try.

"I am so sorry, Mrs. Aird. We didn't mean to, I didn't mean to. Surely you must know we didn't mean anythi-" I stumbled across the words trying to come up with something, _anything_ to save my ass.

"Office romances are strongly discouraged at this company. As a matter of fact, people working together directly in the same department are strictly prohibited from dating." Carol interrupted abruptly.

"-thing. We didn't mean any disrespect. I promise it will not happen again in the future. I know it was extremely stupid and immature of me. But I do hop- uh, wait. What?" I rambled on before her words registered in my head.

"Surely you have read that in our company's policy. As for flirting, it is strictly prohibited, during office hours. I can't believe that I have to tell you this."

What the hell was she talking about?

"During working time and in working areas, employees are expected to conduct themselves in an appropriate workplace manner that does not interfere with others or with overall productivity. I don't suppose you regard flirting as productive, do you, Ms. Belivet?"

"Uhm, no, of course not, Mrs. Aird." Romance? Flirting? What in the world did this have anything to do with me?

"So you agree."

"Yes."

"Then explain to me why you did it anyway."

"I'm sorry?" I was at a loss. Explain what? 

"Good grief! Are those the only words you know?" Carol threw her hands up exasperatedly. "Really, Ms. Belivet. You majored in Journalism and that's all you can come up with?"

I tried to understand what she was getting at. I really did. But nothing she had said made any sense to me. And the fact that she looked so damn sexy in that suit didn't help much, either.

"Well, I'm sorry, but I am having trouble following what you are saying, Mrs. Aird." Why was she reciting the dating policy of our company again?

"Genevieve Cantrell." She spat out the name. "Whatever you two have going on, cut it off immediately. I do not condone this type of unprofessionalism in my office."

"Genevieve?" I repeated stupidly.

Mrs. Aird nodded curtly.

"I swear she didn't mean to do that silly impressio- ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - wait, what? Hold on a second, you think Genevieve and I? _Genevieve_? And _I_?" Realization finally dawned on me.

"Yes, Genevieve and you, Ms. Belivet." She repeated as if I was a toddler.

It took me a few seconds to take it all in. And when I did, I let out a hearty laugh.

"Miss Belivet, do you think this is _funny_?"

I stopped laughing immediately. And for the first time since I stepped into her office, I noticed there was this white anger swirling like a violent storm behind her grey eyes.  
It made me shudder.

"I'm truly sorry, Mrs. Aird. You just caught me off guard, that's all. Of course this is no laughing matter."

I almost let out a loud sigh of relief. Maybe this wasn't so bad, after all. At least she didn't seem to have heard what Genevieve and I talked about. Phew. Maybe I would still have this goddamn job for another day. Yayyyyy, I thought sarcastically. 

I cleared my throat and spoke again.

"I guarantee nothing is going on between me and Miss Cantrell. I swear. She's just a friend, that's all. There is absolutely nothing romantic going on between us." I said firmly.

Carol squinted her eyes a bit.

"And, uh, apart from the fact that she's a woman, I, uh, also have a boyfriend, so the idea is just silly." I blurted out.

"You have a boyfriend?" She asked before hurriedly looking down. As if the question slipped out before she had the chance to stop herself. 

Mhhh…strange. 

"Yes?" Why did that came out as a question?

"How long?" She asked, while staring intently at an invisible spot on her mahogany desk. 

"About three years? More or less."

"I didn't know that..." 

I was nearly knocked off my chair as I noticed a slight blush tinged the apples of her cheeks? And there was something in her eyes, too. Something I'd never seen before. Something I couldn't quite put a finger on.

Whatever it was, it was gone as quick as it came. Her entire posture turned stiff and uninviting, she was back to business as usual. 

"That would be all. You can go back to your work." She said coldly before turning her gaze away and resumed typing on her laptop. 

Wait, that was it? I was off the hook? Just like that? She was not going to fire me after all? 

"Is there anything else you need?" She asked curtly.

"No, Mrs. Aird. Nothing." I immediately stood up. "Have a great morning, Mrs. Aird"

I almost ran into the door as I hurriedly made my way out of her office. I was lucky she didn't hear anything we said, but I really didn't want to push my luck. Better leave before she started asking another question.

My heart did not slow down until an hour had passed and I had downed two more cups of coffee.

Boy, what a morning. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing much happened in this chapter. I know, I know. Trust me, I want to write about something fun and exciting just as much as you guys want to read it. But we have to set the story first. Can't just have them jump right into tearing each other's clothes off right off the bat, can we? Now I am no author, but that is just bad writing. It pisses me off whenever porn pull this stuff, which is very often. But I digress.
> 
> I apologize for the long wait. I wanted to update more quickly, I really did. I was legitimately worried you guys would have already forgotten about this story by the time I update chapter 2 lol Sadly, Organic Chemistry had some other plans for me. And who was I to disobey it? I'm just a lowly, powerless, clueless college kid trying to get a degree. ¯\\(ツ)/¯ 
> 
> I'll try to update more frequently in the future (but no promises, though). Writing is hard, especially for someone who hates to write as much as I do. However, at the end of the day, your support makes it all worthwhile. I appreciate all the comments and kudos you guys have generously given me. You guys are the best. Take care until next chapter!


	3. Detachment

I knocked softly on the door.

“Miss Belivet?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Come in, come in.”

I opened the door and stepped in.

“Good morning, Mr. Walker.”

Mr. Arthur Walker was Editor in Chief at the station. He was around 55 years old, very tall and handsome. Mr. Walker had a way of carrying himself that commanded every room he entered. Every time he spoke, you could not help but hang on every single word he said, which made him one of the top journalists in the country. He appeared intimidating at first; but once you got to know him, you would be surprised to see he had one of the biggest hearts underneath that tough exterior. I had always liked him.

“Therese, how it’s going?” Mr. Walker greeted cordially.

It never failed to put a smile on my face whenever he called me "Therese". To be on first name basis with one of the most powerful man in the country was an absolute honor.

“Couldn’t be better, sir.” I smiled widely back at him.

_God, what a terrific liar I am._

Just minutes ago I was scolded again by, surprise surprise, Mrs. Aird when I arrived 3 minutes 36 seconds late to work. Yes, down to the _seconds_.

 _How the heck do I know that, you may ask?_   Well, because she fucking informed me so! 

I was only late because one of the coffee machines at the Starbucks store I went to every day broke down so the line was ridiculously long. I knew I would be late, but the alternative was to arrive at work without her _precious_ coffee, and that would have ended up a lot worse. She would have torn my head off, I was sure. So you see, no matter what I did, there was just no winning with her.

“I’m glad to hear that. Please, sit down," he motioned to the chair in front of him, "Do you know why I ask you to see me today?”

“No, I don't, sir.”

“Well, I assume you have heard about Mr. Wilson’s unfortunate departure from our company?” He asked.

Of course I had heard about Mr. Wilson’s resignation. People had been talking the scandal for weeks. The whole thing was an absolute mess.

I nodded slowly.

“As you know, Mr. Wilson is a great journalist, well, he was anyway."

"He was. I was very sorry when I heard what happened to him."

"Life is just full of surprises. You thought you know someone so well for years and then as it turns out, you know absolutely nothing about them."

"I guess so."

"Well, I'm just glad the whole thing's finally over."

I nodded.

"We still have one thing left to do, though. Now that Mr. Wilson's gone, we are in dire need to replace him.”

“Yes.”

“Do you happen to know anyone who is up to the task?”

I thought about it for a second.

“Well, I do know some of the people who are certainly more than qualified. Mr. Carso-"

"Therese, I wasn't really asking for recommendations." He interrupted.

"Oh? I'm sorry."

I stopped and waited for him to elaborate. Instead, he just smiled at me expectantly.

"So what do you want me to talk about, sir?"

"What do you think?" He smiled cheekily.

"You asked m- wait a second, does it mean? Are you saying…?” 

My heart rate picked up. _Is he thinking what I think he is thinking? No way. No freaking way!_

 “Yes, Ms. Belivet." He chuckled. "The job is yours if you want it.”

I was stunned for a few seconds before I remembered my manners.

“Oh my god, of - of course I do. I want it more than anything. Thank you, thank you so much!” 

“That’s what I thought,” he chuckled.

“Thank you so much, Mr. Walker. I am so grateful. Thank you for giving me this opportunity. I will certainly do my very best not to disappoint you.”

“I have no doubt that you will excel at the new job, Therese.” 

I wanted to come around the table and kiss the hell out of that man, but I decided that would be very inappropriate, so instead I just shook his hands and thanked him for what seemed like a billionth time that morning.

With the biggest grin on my face, I walked out of Mr. Walker's office. 

I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. I still couldn’t believe it. This was it. This was what I had been working for my entire life. I finally got to do what I loved. No more running petty errands for the Ice Queen. No more getting scolded at for messing up her coffee orders. No more having my ideas shot down simply because I was her assistant.

I would finally get to write. And have my writing printed in one of the most circulated newspaper in the country. The whole nation would read my columns! The whole nation would hear what the great Therese Belivet had to say!

_Whoa whoa, getting a bit too ambitious now, aren’t we? Slow down, Belivet, slow down. One step at a time._

I chuckled at myself and began to skip like a fool on the way back to my desk.

"Way to go, Belivet!" Genevieve squealed when I told her. 

"Thanks, Eve. I still can't believe it."

"Why the hell not? Everyone knows it should have come to you a long time ago. I'm actually surprised it takes this long."

"Stop kissing my ass, Cantrell." I jokingly wagged my finger at her.

"Can you blame me? It's a good one to kiss."

I chuckled.

"Well, you know what's the best thing about this promotion? I will not suffer at _her_ hands anymore." I said after a while.

"Have she known about it yet?"

"Probably. Mr. Walker must have already discussed with her about it before offering it to me."

"Do you think she's the one that suggests the idea to Mr. Walker?"

I stopped reading the document and looked up.

"Are you shitting me?"

"What?"

"Do you even know her? Like, at all? The Carol Aird I know would never do that. She hates my guts. It's Mr. Walker's decision and his alone. As a matter of fact, I believe she must have tried to dissuade him from promoting me."

"You're being too hard on her."

" _I'm_ being too hard on her? Have you seen the way she treated _me_?"

"Well," Genevieve shrugged. 

"Tell me, how could she possibly want me for the job? She thinks I'm thoroughly incompetent at everything in life and she never hesitates to make sure I know how much she hates me."   

"This may sound crazy, but I think she likes you, in a way, kinda." 

"Even if you are joking, it's not funny." I shuddered at the idea. 

"I don't know. She just seems, _too_ focused on you, you know? I don't know how to say it. Sure, she's a bitch to everyone. But she seems particularly more bitchy to _you_. Maybe it's her twisted way of saying 'I care about you'? Who knows."

"You're making no sense."

"Well if you loo-"

"Let's drop it. Like I said, the best thing about this promotion is that I will no longer have to see her every day."

"Alright, Belivet. Aren't you a spicy thing this morning."

"You brought it up first!"

Genevieve put her hands up. "Alright, no more Mrs. Aird talk, yes ma'am."

We dropped the conversation and quietly went back to work. 

It was almost four when I finished the tasks that she requested yesterday. I figured I need to clear my desk and move to the new one before the end of the day. My new office was just on the other side room. Same floor. Same building. I called it "office", but really it was just a bigger desk with a little more space. But hey, at least I didn't have to look at the Evil Queen from 9 to 5, five days a week anymore. That alone was an upgrade itself.  

I didn't have a lot of things so I finished cleaning up pretty quickly.

After that, I walked to her office and knocked three times.

“Come in.”

“Hello, Mrs. Aird.”

“What is it, Ms. Belivet?” She asked flatly without looking up.

“Um, I just want to, I guess you have known about my promotion?” I said awkwardly.

“Yes."

"I will not be working as your assistant anymore."

"And?” She raised an eyebrow as she finally looked up.

“The documents you requested yesterday have been filed, like you asked. And, I guess, I just wanted to ask, would you be needing anything before I move?”

“No, I won’t.” 

“Okay.”

"Ms. Denali would be my new assistant. Give her a training tomorrow. I believe the tasks are simple enough for the training to be completed in one or two days?"

"I'll try my best, Mrs. Aird."

Simple my _ass_. Yes, I guessed the job was simple enough for secretaries of other bosses. Not this _one_. I already pitied Ms. Denali even though I hadn't met her yet.

“Please close the door on your way out.”

I honestly didn’t know what I expected. What the hell did I really think would happen anyway? Did I honestly expect her to stand up and hug me? That she would crack a smile and wish me the best of luck? Or that she would exclaim and congratulate me? 

_Well shit, I don’t know! But at least she could have said she was happy for me right? Even if she didn’t mean it? It is only a polite thing to do!_

You know what, I would put the whole thing behind me. I was not her errand girl anymore. It was time I stopped letting her get to me.

 

* * *

 

I was already regretting the decision when I pulled up at Torrance’s later that night and saw how many cars were parked outside.

I called Dannie at lunch today to inform him about my brand new position. After a deafening scream and several congratulations later, Dannie asked me to go out tonight to celebrate my promotion, and he would not take no for an answer.

The place was packed and I could feel myself getting nervous. I stepped inside and scanned the place, finally spotted Dannie at the back of the room.

“Well I’ll be damned, look who it is! Therese Belivet! The famous and talented journalist of the New York Journalist!!! My, my, oh my what an honor!”

Dannie boomed as he walked towards me.

“Dannie, you’re being silly.”

He lifted me up and squeezed tightly.

“Ouch, can’t…breathe..”

He laughed as he put me down.

“Therese, I’m so happy for you. You deserve it more than anyone!” 

“Thanks, Dannie.” I blushed. 

"Come on. We have our own table, over there.”

Dannie said and ushered me over to what seemed like the best seats in the house with a great view overlooking the whole bar and the large TV on the wall. I noticed that our friends had already ordered their drinks.

“Hey guys, thanks for coming out tonight.” I said as we reached the table.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world, Belivet!" Phil shouted.

Ellie, Josh, and Phil all stood up to give me their signature bear hugs. They said they were truly proud of me and that they would have the newspaper with my first column in it framed on their walls. 

After we ordered some food, Dannie quietly nudged me.

“Where’s Richard? He’s coming soon?”

“Oh, he’s not coming. He has a thing at work today.”

Dannie’s eyebrows pulled together, he narrowed his eyes.

“A thing you say?”

I chuckled. “It’s okay. He’s busy and it's not like this is a big deal or anything.” 

“What? Of course it is! I mean, this is what you had dreamt for, what, a decade or something?"

“Don't exaggerate."

"Still, he's a jerk for not showing up tonight”

"You have always been particularly hard on him, Dannie.”

“And I have every reason to do so.”

“He apologized and promised he’s gonna make up to me later. How can I be angry at him?”

Dannie was about to say something else; but thankfully, he decided to let it go.

“Okay, if that’s what you say."

"Yes, now let it go and let me enjoy my night."

"You're right, I'll get you a beer," he said. "Any preference?"

I shook my head. I didn't drink very often and I couldn't tell one beer from the other to save my life.

"Here you go," he said and handed me a bottle. "So, see anything you like?" He motioned around the crowded bar.

“Knock it off, I have a boyfriend already.” I laughed.

“Well, you certainly could use a new one.” Dannie mumbled under his breath.

I decided to ignore his comment.

It had been a long time since we all got together so I was excited to catch up with every one. The conversations flowed pleasantly. I was not much of a talker so I just sat back and quietly observed my friends. I was happy just listening to their stories.

As I was listening, my eyes occasionally wandered around the room aimlessly. Until something caught my attention. I almost fell off my chair at the sight that met my eyes.

Mrs. Aird was sitting at a table nearby. Tonight she was wearing a dress I hadn't seen before; a red strapless contraption that I had no idea how she was holding up and a pair of matching red heels. Her hair was in a high ponytail and she wore red lipstick. I had to do a double take to make sure that was really her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like it.  
> I accidentally got carried away and ended up writing too much. So I have decided to break it into two chapters instead of cramming everything into one. I guess the good news is that I would be able to update pretty soon, maybe even as soon as the next morning. 
> 
> I still can't believe that 'Carol' had come to an end. No more events, no more award shows (even though most of them ended up in more disappointment anyway), no more Q&As, no more pictures of the lovely duo Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara together. Soooo depressing. I am trying to go back to my life before 'Carol'. It's difficult, but I'm getting there. At least I still have this crappy fanfic of mine to help me cope whenever I feel like missing them too much *sighs heavily*


	4. Collision

It was her.

I would recognize those piercing grey eyes _anywhere_.

I suddenly had the urge to get out of here before she saw me. I didn't want to see her although I had to admit that she looked a lot better tonight than she usually did at work. How was that even possible, I didn’t even know.

“Hello? Earth to Therese!” Dannie waved his hands in front of my face.

“What?” I snapped out of it.

“What are you looking at?”

"That's Mrs. Aird,” I heard myself say, and instantly regretted it.

"What? Where? The one in the red dress?" he asked incredulously. "Are you serious?"

I nodded.

"The _ruthless_ Ice Queen? The _insufferable_ boss who tortures you everyday? The _infamous_ Mrs. Aird?”

“Would you _please_ lower your voice?” I growled at him.

“Damn, she’s _hot!_ ” 

She was. But that was not the point.

I didn't know what to do, so I got up.

"Wait, where are you going?" Dannie said and pulled me back in my seat.

"I don't know, probably home."

"This early? Why?"

"I'm tired." 

"Bullshit." Damn it, why was he suddenly so perceptive tonight?

"Okay, fine. I don't want her to see me."

"That's totally ridiculous. Tonight is _your_ night. Don't let her ruin it."

"Fine," I relented, "I don't have to hide from her. You're right.”

“Of course I am. Now act like an adult, sit your ass back down, and drink your beer."

I sighed defeatedly and took a big gulp of my drink. Although I was sure Mrs. Aird hadn't seen me, I still ducked my head and sunk back into my chair as far as possible, better be safe than sorry.

Thankfully none of our friends had noticed what happened, so I begrudgingly stayed put in my seat and tried not to look at her all night.

Easier said than done.

Despite my better judgement, I found myself stealing glances of her every now and then.

She was sitting with a man. I'd met her husband once or twice at the galas that NYJ occasionally organized. And even though I couldn't remember clearly her husband's face, I knew for sure the man she was sitting with was not him.

_What's the deal with that, anyway? Is she cheating on her husband or something? Well, damn. Who knows she could be like **that**? _

For some weird reason, I found myself getting extremely bothered by the fact that she was with this "gentleman" tonight. Believe me, he was anything but gentlemanly. I had noticed his hands wandering dangerously low quite a few times throughout the night.

 _Well, at least she puts a stop to it every time he puts his humongous hands on her thighs,_ I thought. _Wait, why do I even care? No, I don't! Well then stop looking at her!_

Again, easier said than done.

My eyes seemed to have a mind of their own and they kept wandering back to her table. 

Now she was downing a shot and sucked on a lemon wedge seductively between her pearly white teeth.

I felt hot suddenly and looked away, feeling disgusted with myself.

 _She is probably fifteen years older than you and more importantly, your boss. Plus, she annoys the hell out of you, remember? And why the fuck are you still looking at them? You are acting like a fucking stalker. Pull your shit together, Belivet!_  

For the millionth time that night, I forced myself to tear my eyes away from her table.

Turning the attention to my friends, I tried my best to engage in their conversations. However, after a while, I found myself unable to comprehend what everyone was saying.

 _Great, even when we're not at work, she manages to get under my skin_ , I thought bitterly.

This was useless. I couldn't concentrate on my friends anymore, and my happy mood had disappeared the moment I laid eyes on her. I decided I couldn't take this anymore. Might as well end the night early.

After quickly downing my beer, I told everyone that I was leaving. Dannie complained but I made it up to him by making plans to have lunch with him the following day.

I looked around for Mrs. Aird but thankfully she and her companion seemed to have left.

I walked outside and took a deep breath.

"Son of a bitch!"

What the?

I looked in the direction of the voice and who else could it have been but Mrs. Aird, who was looking at the ground frantically and cursing loudly. She put her cigarette to her lips and inhaled deeply.

"Fucking hell," she groaned with her eyes closed.

For a second I thought I might be able to slip past her undetected, but then she opened her eyes again and broke into a smile when she saw me.

“Therese Belivet," she said with a lopsided grin. "What are you doing here?"

“Mrs. Aird" I said dryly.

"We're not at work now, call me Carol.” She replied and took another drag of her cigarette.

I could tell that she was quite drunk so I decided not to comment on the name thing.

"I never pegged you for the bar type," she said and looked me up and down slowly while taking another drag.

I couldn't stop myself from staring at her insanely red lips as they wrapped themselves around it. It was quite mesmerizing.

"Miss Belivet? I said I never pegged you for the bar club type," she repeated.

Why did I always lose my grip on reality whenever I was around her?

I hated it. And I hated her for having this type of effect on me.

"I'm not and I'm leaving. Good night, Mrs. Aird,” I said curtly and started walking to my car. 

"Wait," she said, and I found myself stopping. _What is it now?_

"I seemed to have lost my purse in there. Would you mind giving me a ride home?"

"Where's your friend?" I asked mockingly, my back still turned away from her.

"How did you even kn- I ditched him. He was getting too touchy feely and I didn't like it. Not one bit!"

I said nothing.

"Well? Give me a ride, would you?"

I didn't really want her in my car with her being annoying, and the dress being very short and tight. 

On top of that, I was still angry at her for being incredibly rude and cold this morning. And I was really ticked off about the fact that she spent the entire night with that man from earlier. Overall, I just _really_ hated her.  _Say no! Say no!_  my brain screamed at me.

"Hey, never mind," she said before I could answer. "I'll just see you on Monday."

I turned around and she was already walking away at a brisk pace.

_What the fuck is she doing? Is she going to walk home? Alone? And in that dress?_

“Mrs. Aird," I called after her.

She turned and looked at me.

"What are you doing?" 

"What does it _look_ like I'm doing? I'm walking home!" She responded heatedly.

"You know you can't do that. I'll drive you home."

"Why the hell not? You don't seem to be particularly fond of the idea of driving me anyway." She said angrily.

"But you can't walk home like....that!"

"Like what?"

I blushed. She looked sexy as fuck tonight. And I also knew that, if she walked home in that dress, only bad things would happen to her.

"Come on. I'm sorry. I'll take you home." I said and motioned to my car with my hand.

She still wouldn't budge. So goddamn stubborn.

"I really don't mind, I mean it. Come on." I lied through my teeth. I hated her for putting me in this position.

She tilted her head for a few seconds, as if deciding whether I was sincere or not.

Then her face suddenly broke into a wide smile, and she walked towards me.

I couldn't help but notice the way her hips moved and how tiny her waist really was. Her ponytail swayed from side to side with each step she took, and I decided that I really liked that hairstyle on her.

She got in the car and I immediately noticed that she was still smoking.

"Would you mind not doing that in my car?" I asked, trying my very best to keep the annoyance out of my voice, and pointed to her cigarette.

She threw it out the door and put on her seatbelt.

"So Therese," she said and turned to me. "Do you do this sort of thing a lot?"

"What sort of thing?" I asked flatly, backing the car out of the parking lot.

"Rescuing damsels in distress," she said jokingly. "No, hanging out in bars and clubs?"

"No, I don't do that a lot. It wasn't really my scene back there."

"What is your scene then?" she asked.

I shrugged.

Most nights I spent at home with a cup of tea and a book. Sometimes I would go see a movie with Richard if anything good was playing or go to his parents' for dinner. That was pretty much the extent of my social life, but I didn't tell this to Mrs. Aird and instead focused on the road behind us. I was anxious to get her home as soon as possible and be rid of her.

"Where do you live?" I asked as we pulled out of the parking lot.

“Mrs. Aird, where do you live?” I repeated.

Is she deaf or something?

Still no answer. I turned to look at her.

Of course.

Of course.

Of course.

Of course it _had_ to happen to me. Just my fucking luck. Goddamn it. I wanted to scream.

I took one hand off of the wheel and gingerly shook her.

"Mrs. Aird? Mrs. Aird?"

It was useless. She was already asleep.

"Mrs. Aird? Mrs. Aird? Mrs. Aird!" I desperately tried again.

No luck.

“Fuck! Fuck me. Why, whyyyyyyy does it have to happen to me? Fucking hell.” I cursed under my breath.

How the fuck could she pass out that quickly? I knew she was quite drunk but _come on!_

_Alright. Calm down. You can handle this. Yes, yes, you are a strong and confident woman. Don't panic. You totally have everything under control. Think about solutions. What should I do now? Should I take her back to the office? No, that's silly. Should I drop her off at a hotel? No, that's fucking terrible. Terrible idea. Think, think, think! You know what? Fuck it. I'm taking her home. I have absolutely no idea where she lives, may as well take her to my apartment and drive her back in the morning. That could work, right? It's cool. Bosses stay over at their subordinates' houses all the time right? That's totally normal, right? No, it's not normal, you dumb ass. That is fucking weird! You are wayyyyy in over your head, Belivet!_

"You stupid fuck. Why did you even agree to drive her home? Couldn't you have grabbed her a taxi or something? Fuck! Why didn't I think of that? It would have been way easier. And none of this would have happened. Because you are the biggest tool on earth, that's why, you dumbass." I whispered angrily at myself.

The self-blaming and self-loathing went on for a while before I decided to stop thinking altogether.

 _What's done is done, no use beating up myself over it. I'm already exhausted as it is. May as well just drop everything and deal with the consequences in the morning_.

I let out a loud sigh and glanced at her.

Still soundly sleeping.

How could she sleep so peacefully while I was literally having a mental breakdown over here? _Selfish bitch!_

Despite her cigarette earlier she smelled intoxicating and I found it difficult to stop myself from leaning over to smell her better.

_What the fuck is wrong with me?_

After half an hour, I sighed with relief when we drove onto my street. At least we would not be boxed in such close proximity. Being this close to her were doing all kind of weird things to my head. The sooner I got rid of her, the better.

I got out of the car and opened the door on her side.

I quickly unfastened her seat belt, and tried to shake her shoulders again.

“Mrs. Aird. Wake up, we’re here.”

She didn’t move, of course. She was _really_ testing the limits of my patience tonight.

“Come on, help me out here. I can’t carry you up all by myself.”

As if she'd heard the desperation in my voice, she slowly opened one eye.

“Well, hello beautiful.”

“Jesus, you’re drunk as hell. Come on, let’s go.”

In any other situation, I would have fainted when I heard that comment. But I knew she was drunk as a skunk and didn’t mean anything by it.

Hell, as this point, she would have thought a grizzly bear looked magnificent.

I put my arms around her and led her to the elevator, with _great_ difficulty. We almost fell flat on the floor a couple of times.

"Why do you have to be so _fucking_ tall?" I grumbled. 

After what seemed like an eternity, I finally managed to drag her up to my apartment. 

I silently thanked god that Richard was not here tonight. This would have been difficult to explain.

I put her down on my bed and gently took off her shoes.

She was mumbling incoherently about Mario and Princess Peach or something.

Being able to witness the Mighty Carol Aird in this unruly state might have been quite amusing in another time, but right now I was too angry at her and at myself to find anything remotely funny.

She was sleeping on her side, her mouth opened a little, and a few strand of her blond hair laid across my pillow. Without the signature scowl on her face, she looked remarkably young and angelic. I was stunned momentarily by her beauty.

“You sure look cute as hell while you’re sleeping. But my god, aren’t you the biggest _dick_ when you’re awake. You’re a royal pain in the ass, do you know that, Mrs. Aird?” I whispered to her sleeping face.

It was pathetic, but it did feel somewhat satisfying to be able to say it to her face, even though she was out like a light and couldn’t hear a thing.

“Good night, Mrs. Aird.” I said quietly, turned off the lights and walked out of the room.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is the fastest I'd ever updated ever since I wrote this story. Don't get used to it!  
> We both know that I am very lazy and very bad at writing. It's probably another month before I update again.  
> Haha just kidding, I'll try to update as soon as possible.  
> As always, thank you for reading. Please leave a comment if you can, they always make my day and give me a reason to continue with the story.  
> That's it for now. Take care until next chapter!


	5. Explosion

Even though I was both physically and emotionally drained, I couldn't sleep for some reason.

I kept tossing and turning all night on the couch, the events of today kept dancing teasingly across my mind like a movie.

Sleep finally came to me after nearly three hours of restlessness.

Then I was violently jolted awake from a loud crash.

I sat up, alarmed. The sound came from the kitchen. A quick glance at the clock told me it was three in the morning.

Groggily, I stepped into the kitchen.

“Richard? Is that you?”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

My eyes widened in surprised as I saw Mrs. Aird standing in the middle of my kitchen, _pantless_.

 _Oh, right. I took her here a few hours ago_ . My brain started to catch up. _That explains it. Wait, that doesn’t explain why she is pantless, though. Why is she not wearing any pants? Wait, is that my shirt? Is she wearing_ **_my_ ** _shirt?_

As if she'd read my mind, she began to speak.

“I’m sorry I borrow your tshirt without asking. Well, to be fair, you were very deep in sleep, so it’s not entirely my fault. The dress was extremely uncomfortable.”

“Okay.” I said stupidly.

_Gosh, her thighs look sinfully delicious._

"Oh and sorry for dropping your pot on the floor. I was trying to make some tea."

"Okay."

We stood staring at each other silently. Then she asked.

“Why am I here?”

“What?”

“I said, why am I here?”

_What kind of question is that?_

“Why? Because, Mrs. Aird,  _because_ , I drove you here."

"Why?"

"What do you mean why? You asked me to!” I exclaimed exasperatedly.

“If I recall correctly, I asked you to take me to _my_ home. Not _yours_.”

_Is she fucking serious?_

“If I recall correctly, _someone_ fell _asleep_ before I could ask for her address.”

“Well, you should have asked sooner.”

_Do I really have to deal with this shit right now?_

“Oh I’m sorry, is it my fault again?" I asked mockingly.

She narrowed her eyes, clearly not amused at the sarcasm in my voice.

"Do you think I _want_ to take you here?” I continued, quite aggressively.

“All I’m saying is that you should not have taken me here. This is highly unprofessional and you know it, Miss Belivet. Besides, you’re my assistant, isn't it your job to know my address by heart?”

 _Can you believe the fucking nerve of this woman? She's the one that is not wearing any pants and she's accusing me of being unprofessional?_ I wanted to punch my hand through the wall.

“Was.”

“What?”

“I was your assistant.” I gritted through my teeth.

She huffed and looked away for a second.

“That bothers the hell out of you, doesn’t it?” I heard myself say before I could stop myself.

“What exactly do you mean, Miss Belivet?”

“The fact that I’m not your assistant anymore.”

"Excuse me?"

I should have shut up and gone back to sleep. I should have just let it slide and forget the whole thing in the morning. I was a mature adult and should have been able to handle this professionally. But despite my better judgement, I found myself getting angrier and angrier as each second passed by. It seemed like I could not do anything right tonight, because the next thing I knew, words were coming out of my mouth before I had a chance to think it over.

“I bet that must have bothered the hell out of you, the fact that you would not be able to order me around me anymore.”

“Are you implying that I am unhappy about your promotion, Ms. Belivet?”

“I’m not implying shit," I spat, "I'll tell you exactly what I think! I think you are upset that I finally get away from you! I have slaved away at your feet for over a year and during that time you have done nothing but degrade me at every chance you get. Is it some kind of _fetish_ ? Are you a sadist or something? Does it give you pleasure to humiliate me every single day? What have I _ever_ done to you to deserve that? No matter how hard I try, and oh god, you _know_ how hard I'd tried, you always manage to find faults in everything single thing I do. But you know what? You won't be able to do it anymore! I am done being your little slave and punching bag. I bet you'd tried to take that promotion away from me, didn't you? I know it. Well, you may think I'm useless, or that I'm a talentless piece of crap, Mrs. Aird. But you know what, Mr. Walker has faith in me! And I will do anything to prove to him that I am more than deserved of his trust. Gosh, it must have driven you crazy, to lose your power over me!”

I was near shouting by the time I finished my sentence.

"Ms. Belivet, if I were you, I would be more careful with my words." She answered calmly.

“Don't tell me what to do, Mrs. Aird!"

She was absolutely right. If I was thinking clearly, I would have dropped down on my knees, apologized profusely and begged her to forget the whole thing. After everything I'd just said, I might as well kiss that promotion goodbye. Hell, I didn't even think I would still have a job in the morning.

However, I was _not_ thinking clearly. The lack of sleep and overall her very presence were making me lose my mind. I had gone _completely_ _insane!_

"Listen up, Mrs. Aird, I’m done taking shit from you! You’re right, I didn’t have to take you home tonight. You’re absolutely fucking right. I should have just let you walk home in that fucking tiny dress and get raped or murdered or something. But screw me, right? Screw me for being _stupid_ enough to be concerned about your wellbeing!”

“Excuse me, I don’t need you to take care of me. I am more than capable of doing that!”

“Then why the fuck did you even ask me to drive you home?”

“We—“

“I hate you! Oh God, I. HATE. YOU. SO. MUCH! Is that what you want? Is that what you want me to say? What are you trying to accomplish by saying all of this? Do you want to drive people away from you? To show people what a bitch you are? Well, guess what? You have succeeded! I have never hated anyone in my entire life, but I hate you! I swear to God I have never met anyone as insufferable as you!"

"I-"

"I'd looked up to you my entire life. All I've ever wanted to do is to please you. But somehow, _somehow_ , all you've done is finding faults, always! You are never satisfied, and you never appreciate anything or anyone. All you do is putting people down constantly. Criticize, criticize, criticize, that's all you do! You make people feel like shit! Now, other people may let you get away with it because you’re fucking gorgeous. My god, you’re _fucking gorgeous_ , I admit that. Yes, you look absolutely beautiful, but you know what, Mrs. Aird? You're rotten on the inside! And I’m done taking shit from you. You may fire me tomorrow, I don’t fucking care anymore. I’m done letting you walk all over me!“

I was all out of breath and my heart was racing out of control. I think this was the most I'd ever spoken in my entire life.

And then she said something that almost stopped my heart altogether.

"You think...I'm beautiful?"

"Are you _kidding_ me? Is that all you take from everything I've just said? _Of course_ I think you're beautiful. Even a fucking idiot could see that. But that's not the point. The point is tha-"

I couldn’t finish my sentence. Because in the next second, her lips suddenly came _crashing_ down on mine.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some action, finally!
> 
> Sorry I ended it right there. 
> 
> (sorry not sorry)
> 
> Ps: I am very confused as to why you guys drop so many comments in the last chapter. It's the most comments I've ever got!  
> Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE it and try to answer all of them, but I'm still pleasantly confused. Is it because of the content of the chapter or because of the time I upload it? Well, whatever the reason is, just keep them comments coming, I live for that shit!  
> As always, thank you for your support and take care until next chapter!


	6. Recklessness

"Are you _kidding_ me? Is that all you take from everything I've just said? _Of course_ I think you're beautiful. Even a fucking idiot could see that. But that's not the point. The point is tha-"

I couldn’t finish my sentence. Because in the next second, her lips suddenly came _crashing_ down on mine.

Her hands cupping my face were scorching hot and her breath fanned over my face. She smelled super sweet and wickedly sexy and and I felt myself inhale deeply as she exhaled. Her kiss was electrifying and it rendered my entire body helpless. I felt my jaw go slack from the shock and she took this as an invitation to plunge her tongue deeper into my mouth. I was in a state of complete and utter disbelief. She was kissing me, and I liked it. I liked it _a lot!_

"Mmm, you taste good," she said and sucked on my lips passionately.

 _What is happening?_ My mind screamed at me. _What the fuck is happening?!_ _Is she kissing me? Is Mrs. Aird fucking kissing me right now? How did that even happe- Ohhhhhhh holy mother of God that felt good. Oh god, her lips, her lips! God help me!_

She ran her little hands down my neck and I felt her start unbuttoning my shirt.

"Wow," she breathed out as she opened it and looked at me.

I stared at her dumbly and my breath hitched in my throat when she started kissing my neck and ran her hands urgently all over my breasts and stomach. I was more aroused than I had ever been before and hissed when she pinched my nipples.

"You like that?" she asked and did it again.

"Yes," I managed to gulp out.

My heart was beating frantically and I felt dizzy but not exactly in an unpleasant way. She slipped my shirt off and hummed.

I finally allowed myself to glance at her below her neck. She wasn't naked, but she was only wearing my t-shirt and and a pair of minuscule panties. Her skin was very pale and smooth. Out of nowhere she dropped to her knees and started yanking down my pants.

"Wait, what are you doing?" I asked nervously.

She looked up at me with curiosity in her eyes.

"Well, I'm taking off your pants, Therese. Or would you prefer to do this on the bed?"

_Do what? What are we doing? What am I doing? Why am I not leaving?_

"D-do what?" I stammered.

She stood up and kissed my lips gently.

"Have sex," she said slowly, as if I was retarded in some way, which frankly wasn't that far off at this moment. "I would love to have sex with you, Therese."

I had no idea how to respond to her brazen statement and followed her to the bed as if I was in a trance. She pushed me down and crawled on top of me. She straddled my waist and reached behind to remove her t-shirt and let it fall to the floor _._

_Wow! Just...wow!_

I stared at her naked breasts and felt my mouth go completely dry. I hesitated for a few seconds before I reached my hands up and cupped them carefully. I had never seen a woman like this before and gave her breasts a small squeeze.

I ran my thumbs over her nipples and saw that she arched her back and let out a small moan. She leaned down and started kissing my neck again while I was still fondling her amazingly soft breasts. She moved down my body and I felt her bite my nipple which made me groan loudly and buck my hips.

"You really like that. Don't you, Miss Belivet?" she teased.

Her words sobered me _instantly_.

She was my boss! I'll get fired for doing this!

"Stop!" I exclaimed and sat up quickly.

"What is it?" she asked.

"What are we doing? We...I...I-I can't do this...It's wrong," I scrambled to find the right words.

I realized that I was still holding her breasts and let go immediately as if they had burnt me.

"I shouldn't have taken you here," I said quickly. "You've been drinking and I'm just..."

 _Fucking stupid_.

"We can't do this," I said, more to myself. "You’re not thinking straight right now and you'll regret it in the morning. I can't. I don't - I don’t want to exploit you." I said hurriedly and looked away from her naked upper body.

She was still sitting on top of me, smelling just right and feeling even better.

"That's very sweet of you, Therese, but I know what I'm doing," she replied.

I looked up at her.

“How can you be sure? How drunk are you?”

“Just drunk enough to know that I want to do this, not so drunk that you should feel guilty about taking advantage,” she shrugged.

I contemplated her answer in my head.

_**Should I do this?**  'Why do you even have to ask that? Of fucking course.'  **But it's wrong. It's very wrong. '** So what? Who the hell cares?'  **What? How could you even say that? '** This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. How many times do you think Carol fucking Aird is going to offer herself to you in your life? None! So help me god, take the fucking chance now, Belivet.'  **This could only end badly for us.**  'Are you seriously considering turning it down, you fucking idiot? Wow. Wow. Just wow.' **Hey, she still may be drunk! '** She said she isn't. Stop fucking overthinking this shit. And why are you suddenly so fucking moral and noble and shit?'  **But -**  'But-but-but-shut up! Shut up! Shut up! You know you want to do it. So just do it for fuck's sake. Do it. For you. For me. For us.'_

“Okay, I think I could work with that,” I swallowed hard and said.

She smirked devilishly and proceeded to kiss me.

"Wait. If this gets out, you and I could both lose our jobs."

"It won't," she said simply. "Whatever happens here tonight stays between the two of us."

I looked at her but I couldn't see anything insincere in her eyes.

"Do you want me?" she asked.

I nodded. I did want her. I had never been with a woman before but I was sure I had never wanted anything more in my life.

"Good," she said, as if the subject was resolved. "Because I really want you too."

"Why?" I heard myself asking.

"Why?" she laughed. "Because you're hot and I'm really horny."

I gaped at her. I had never known a woman like this before, one who was so open about her sexuality.

"Do you want to?" she asked me and ran her fingers through my hair.

I nodded again.

_More than anything._

"Good, then lie back and enjoy this. Stop thinking so much," she said with a smile.

I leaned back on my elbows and looked at her again. I suddenly felt brave.

I gathered up the courage and finally, finally, grab a handful of her magnificent butt and squeeze tightly.

_Sweet baby Jesus!_

I had wanted to do that ever since I first met her.

Her eyes roamed over me and she grinned wickedly.

"I want to see the rest of you," she said and opened my pants.

She pulled them off me in one fluid motion and took my underwear with them. Her eyes widened and she looked at me.

"Holy shit, Therese," she said.

"What? What?" I asked nervously.

"Well, it’s fucking perfect," she said matter-of-factly.

_Oh! What does that even mean?_

I watched as she lowered her head and then she looked up at me and licked her lips.

_Wait! Is she going to?_

"Whoa, you, err, you don't have to do that," I said quickly.

She laughed a little and shook her head.

"I wouldn't do it if I didn't want to. Don't you want me to?"

I stared at her without knowing what to say. I couldn't just ask her to take me in her mouth.

"I don't know," I said helplessly.

"Has no one ever done this to you before?" she suddenly asked.

I shook my head and took a deep breath to calm my nerves.

"Never?" she asked incredulously.

I shook my head again and was starting to feel utterly embarrassed about my lack of experience.

"Therese, are you a virgin?"

"No, of course not!" I said emphatically.

I had only been with Richard, but never like this. It had usually happened under the covers in a dark room. It had always felt slightly awkward. And Richard had told me upfront that he didn't really like going down on a girl so we'd never done it.

I had never had a woman straddle me like Mrs. Aird and show me her body like this. She was so unembarrassed about her sexuality and to be truthful it both excited and terrified me at the same time.

"I just, um, I don't have a lot of experience," I muttered and contemplated leaving immediately and just forgetting that this ever took place.

"Oh," she said and gave me a smile. "You're in for a treat then."

_I am?_

"Just lie back and relax," she said softly. "I'll be gentle with you, I swear."

I couldn't figure out if she was teasing me or not, but I didn't have time to decide because the next thing I knew Mrs. Aird gently but firmly put both of her hands on my thighs and leaned down again. I held my breath and felt her lick and swirl her tongue over my most sensitive part.

_Oh! Dear God, that feels good._

I watched in rapt fascination as she devoured me in her mouth and I threw my head back and fisted my hands in the sheets.

"Oh god," I moaned, unable to stop myself. "Mrs. Aird."

She swirled her tongue a few times more and then released me from her mouth. I lifted my head and looked at her.

_Please don't stop now!_

"Therese," she said with her lopsided grin, "I literally just had you in my mouth. I think you can call me by my first name."

"Shit! I'm really sorry, I’m just so used to calling you by your last time," I said, hoping that she wouldn't get angry and kick me out.

"It's Carol," she said. "Don't be scared, try it out. I promise I won't bite."

"Carol,” I whispered, “I like Carol," I said immediately, because I really did. It sounded regal.

"I like you too," she said with a wink.

"Oh, I...err..."

_Usually think you're annoying but I really want you to continue what you're doing?_

"Relax, Therese. I'm only teasing you," she said.

She smiled again before sliding down between my legs and pushing my panties, which were soaking wet by now, out of the way. After what seemed like an eternity, she finally pressed her lips against my mound and pushed her tongue between my lips to go for more. When she sucked on them lightly I forgot all about feeling flustered and embarrassed. She worked me up and down slowly and I had never felt anything like this before. The sensation flooded through me and I raised my hips off the bed while I gripped the sheets.

"Caro-," I cried out loudly and then my eyes rolled back in my head and I lost the ability to form words.

 

* * *

 

The loud and shrill ring of my alarm rudely pulled me out of my peaceful slumber.

Putting the pillow over my head, I stubbornly willed the noise to go away but it wouldn't.

Cursing loudly, I reluctantly sat up, reached over and turned the freaking thing off with more force than needed. 

_10:00am_

I moaned from the tapping sunlight against my face and wondered how long I'd been sleeping.

I rubbed my eyes slowly and let out a big yawn.

It was Saturday, too early to be awake. "Should just go back to sleep," I thought out loud.

Then it fucking hit me.

_Fuck._

I immediately turned my head to look at the other side of the bed.

Nothing.

"Mrs. A- Carol?" I tentatively called out.

No answer.

I hurriedly stood up and looked for something to cover my naked self.

_Where the hell is my shirt?_

I scanned around the room and finally spotted it: hanging precariously on top of the lamp in the corner of the room. How did it even end up there?

I blushed a deep red, the memories of last night were starting to come back piece by piece.

"Hello? Carol? Are you there?" I stepped into the living room and called her name again. Still no answer.

I searched my tiny apartment for 5 minutes to find no trace of her.

_Where the fuck is she?_

Then a small, neatly folded note on the kitchen table caught my attention. I almost tore the damn thing apart in my hurry to open it.

 _We'll talk later,_ it read.

What? That was it?

That was all she wanted to say?

No "thank you", no "call me", no "I'll call you", no explanation, no nothing?

"We'll talk later? We'll talk later?!" I repeated the words out loud incredulously.

What did she think last night was? Some kind of business meeting? 

"Goddamn it!" I angrily crumpled the note in my hands and thew it against the wall. 

This woman was going to be the death of me, I just knew it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm terribly sorry for the long wait.  
> I just had all of my midterms last week and couldn't find the time to write. Moreover, I was terrifyingly afraid this chapter wouldn't live up to the build up from the last chapter so I just kept writing, deleting, and revising and writing, deleting, and revising back and forth. Well luckily at some point I just decided to say fuck it and upload it anyway. Thank you for bearing with me.  
> The good news is that spring break is here so I'll have next week off, which means faster update ;)  
> As always, thank you so much for your support. Please drop a comment if you can and most importantly, take care until the next chapter!


	7. Iciness

I kept staring angrily at my phone for the rest of the weekend. I didn't know exactly what I expected, but I just kept staring fixedly at it all the same. Having known her for over a year, I knew the chance of her calling me was likely next to nothing. But still, if there was a chance, however tiny that chance was, that she did, then I didn't want to miss it when it happened. So that was why I had been checking my phone obsessively every three minute.

But of course, she didn't. Not a single text.

Richard dropped by on Sunday and took me out for a nice dinner to make up for his absence last Friday. God, that seemed like a lifetime ago.

As we were eating desserts, my brain absentmindedly registered that Richard was asking something but I was too engrossed in opening my inbox. A notification had popped up a second ago to inform me that I had a new message.

 _Could it be from Carol?_ My heart started to beat wildly.

Nope.

It was just Dannie asking to grab a beer later this week.

"Oh," I couldn't help but sighed disappointedly.

"Terry, what is it?" Richard asked.

"Hmm?"

"This is getting ridiculous, you know? I've noticed it as soon as you opened the door but didn't want to say anything. Until now. You have been checking that damn phone of yours every two minute. Hell, you haven't even taken a proper look at me all night!" he exclaimed.

"I'm looking at you," I defended.

"You know what I mean," he took a sip of his drink, "So, what is it?"

He was right. It was true that I had been distracted. It was true that I had been checking my phone every two minute. And it was also true that I hadn't looked at him all night. _How could I?_

"You're right, I'm sorry. I'm just worried about tomorrow, that's all," I tried to be as believable as I could.

 _What would Richard do if I told him the real reason why I couldn't look him straight in the eyes tonight?_ I wondered.

"So that's what's bothering you? Oh baby, I'm sure you'll do a marvelous job," Richard reached over the table and squeezed my hand reassuringly.

I flashed him a quick tight smile and looked away.

I was a liar. I was a cheat. But most of all, I was a despicable coward. I didn't have the courage to tell him what happened on Friday night; and yet I had the nerve to sit here and lie to his face - the man who had loved me for years.

"Can we leave, Richard? I want to go home."

"Oh, this soon? But I already bought tickets for a play tonight," he asked in surprise.

"I'm sorry but I really have to prepare for tomorrow." Again, another lie. _Man, I am on fire tonight, spewing out lies left and right!_

"Are you sure? It's got great reviews. Amazing cast. Amazing seats!" 

"I really can't."

"Okay, I understand," he said dejectedly.

"Come on Richard, cheer up. We'll go some other time."

I felt guilty. I did. Overwhelmingly so. But I couldn't bare looking at him a moment longer.

When we reached my apartment, Richard gave me a kiss that lingered on a little more than usual. I immediately knew what he was planning for tonight. The thought gave me a mini heart attack, but I managed to act as calmly as I could.

"Richard, not tonight," I said softly.

"Come on, it's not fair, honey. You look so sexy tonight," he said as his lips moved to my neck.

I gently put my hands on his face to stop him before he gets any further. 

"I'm sorry, sweetie," I put a small kiss on his mouth and stepped back.

"But it's been too long, Terry," he whined, "Please?"

"I can't. Not tonight," I said patiently.

"Why not? It's still early," he pouted.

"You know why. I need to prepare for tomorrow, Richard. Alone," I put an emphasis on the last word to let him know there was no point in arguing with me. 

"Alright, fine, fine. Fineee. I get it," he finally gave up.

Even though he tried to masked it, I could still detect an underlying annoyance in his tone. 

"Bye Terry, and good luck for tomorrow."

 _Thank god._ I thought he would never leave.

"Bye Richard," I said and quickly closed the door.

I let out a huge sigh of relief as soon as my back hit the bed.

Lying was unbelievably exhausting. How did some people do it everyday? I was amazed at myself for getting through the dinner without breaking down and telling him everything, I really thought I would.

I glanced quickly at my phone. Still no missed call or text from her. Of course.

I decided to go to bed early that night but sleep didn't come easily. Not at all. My mind just kept going back to her. 

_Tomorrow's Monday and I'll see again, finally. What will I do? What do you think she will say? What will I say? Should I say hello first or wait and let her come to me? Should I say yes if she ask to do it again? Should I say no? " **Woahh, hold your horses there, big guy. You already think she will ask to do it again? Woahh, arrogant much?"**  I mean just in case!! It's a possibility, you know? It may not happen, I just don't want to be unprepared and end up acting like a fool in front of her in case she asks. " **Okay, whatever you say, Belivet."** What? What does that mean? And aren't you supposed to be my conscience or something? Shouldn't you be on my side and shit? Why do you keep embarrassing me? " **I'm on your side!"** Then start acting like it instead of making sarcastic comments every two seconds. **"Okay, honey. Okayyy"** So should I tell her that was the best sex I had ever had? No, that makes me sound like a whore, doesn't it? " **How the fuck would that make you sound like a whore? You have sex with two people, Belivet. Two. As in, one plus one. And the number just went up like 24 hours ago."** I don't know, it's just, it just makes me sound thirsty! " **Yeah, that does sound a little bit thirsty and desperate."** I know right? So should I be cool about it and say to her, like, casually, with a shrug and all? That the sex was average? **Average? Average? Are you describing sex or a fucking sandwich?** I don't know! That's why I'm discussing this with you, you condescending prick! _

Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep that night either.

* * *

 

It turned out all the worrying I did last night was for nothing, for I didn't see her at all on Monday.

Tuesday wasn't any better.

On Wednesday I caught a glimpse of her as she walked out of the meeting room. But before I had the chance to walk up to her, she was already gone.

What was happening? I was extremely confused, to say the least. If it weren't for the darn note she'd left on my kitchen table, I'd have thought I'd imagined the whole thing in my head. That I had gone completely bananas and nothing really happened between us. That everything was just a dream my brain decided to randomly make up just to fuck with me. I was _really_ starting to believe that. But there was the note, there was physical proof!!!! I hadn't gone insane, at least not yet. So what the heck was happening? Why was she acting this way? Somebody give me an answer!!

On Thursday her new assistant came to me to ask about a column I had filed a day before I got promoted.

"The piece about the new Secretary of State? Oh sure, I remember that. I'll get it for you, no problem. But I'm in the middle of something. You know what? I'll find it after I'm done with my thing and bring it over to her myself," I smiled.

_Yes. Brilliant move, Belivet! This way you'll have an excuse to see and talk to her. Very suave and smooth, son!_

"Oh, it's okay. I can wait."

"Ms. Denali, I don't know how long this would take and it would be ridiculous for you to wait the entire time. Don't worry, I'll bring it over, I promise."

"Uhm, thank you for your offer Ms. Belivet, but I can wait, really," she insisted.

"It may take half an hour," I challenged.

"It's okay."

_What is her problem? What's so damn important about this file?_

"Okay, Amanda, this is getting weird. What's really the problem here?" 

"Uh...." she shifted her eyes to the floor.

"Amanda?" I tried speak as gently as I could. 

"Okay, I'm not supposed to tell you this. But...Mrs. Aird has specifically told me that I were to bring the file myself. Not you. I don't know why, Ms. Belivet. I'm just following her orders," she nervously reply.

_Son of a bitch!_

So she really was purposefully avoiding me. That goddamn woman. I knew it! 

Fuck her. Who the fuck did she think she was? Goddammit!

I wanted to flip the fucking table, storm over to her office, and give her a piece of my mind. But instead, I closed my eyes for a second to keep my anger in check, and smiled gratefully at Amanda. The poor thing looked so nervous.

"Okay then, if that's what Mrs. Aird want."

So I gave Amanda the file and forced myself to stay put in my office the entire day.

However, on Friday I decided I couldn't take this, whatever this was, any more, so I gathered up my courage and stormed over to her office.

"Ms. Belivet!" Tanya shouted in a panic as she hurriedly caught up with me when I walked past her desk, which was in front of Carol's office.

"Yes, Ms. Denali?"

"Do you have something to say to Mrs. Aird? I can write it down and give it to her later. She's very busy at the moment."

"What? Are you kidding me? I can literally see her sitting in there right now," I pointed to the window.

"Well, but you have no appointment and sh-"

I sneaked past Amanda and swiftly walked through the door anyway.

"Mrs. Aird!" 

Carol looked up and her eyes widened in surprise.

"Ms. Belivet, you can't d- Oh god, I'm so sorry, Mrs. Aird. I'm so, so sorry. I have tried to-"

"It's okay, Ms. Denali," Carol put a hand up and effectively stopped Amanda's rambling, "Please give us a moment and close the door."

Amanda continued to apologize quietly as she closed the door behind us. Poor thing, she looked like she was about to break at the slightest touch. _Did I use to be like that, too?_ I wondered briefly.

"What can I do for you, Ms. Belivet?" she finally spoke, her voice calm and even.

Taking a deep breath, I slowly turned to face her. It had been too long since the last time I looked into her piercing grey eyes and I found myself vulnerable as I gazed into them again.

I was suddenly disarmed, all the courage I had before coming here vanished into thin air. I felt terribly small in front of her.

"I, uh, I gave the file you requested yesterday. Did you, uhm, receive them?" I stuttered. _Goddammit, get a grip!_

"I have. Thank you for doing that."

Neither of us said anything after that and the silence was suffocating. She and I just stared at each other, as if we were in some kind of competition to see who would break down first.

Finally, she continued, "Is there anything else you need?"

 _Yes._ I wanted to scream. _First of all, how dare you?_

_How dare you walk into my life, turn everything upside down, and just walk away like that? How dare you fuck my life and everything I'd ever known up and then proceed to ignore me? How dare you give me a night like that and then act as if it was nothing? How dare you! You promised to talk about this. Where the fuck is that talk? Why are you avoiding me? Why are you being this way? Why are you doing this to me? What have I done? You can't do this to me. You just can't - you have no rights!_

A million things ran through my mind because there was so many things I wanted to tell her. So many, many things. But as I stood there, finally in front of her, all the words got stuck in my throat and I found myself frozen, unable to utter a single word.

Because the truth was, as I looked into her grey eyes, I suddenly felt a sharp pang in my heart as I started to realize that the Carol Aird sitting in front of me was not the same woman who had held me in her arms that night. The same piercing eyes that had been so tender then were now filled with iciness and indifference. And even though she was looking at me, I felt like she was looking through me, as if I was just a random pile of dust that happened to be standing in her room and she couldn't have cared less about it. She was making me feel childish, worthless, and so, so, so insignificant. 

This was not the Carol Aird I made love to that night, it finally dawned on me. No, no. Whatever we shared that night was gone. Or maybe it didn't exist at all and I was a fucking fool for imagining it in the first place. There was nothing in her eyes that indicated we were ever anything more than colleagues. She was back to business as usual. She was back to being the insufferable Ice Queen that she'd always been. She was back to being Carol Aird.

And even though I hated to admit it, the way she was treating me hurt. It hurt like a bitch. It really, really did.

"No, I guess that's it," I said after a while.

It didn't seem like there was anything left for me to say.

As the first wave of unbearable sadness subsided a little bit, I felt a storm of anger brewed and quickly took its place. 

All of a sudden I felt used. I felt humiliated. I felt ashamed for being foolish enough to allow her to play me like this.

Why was I so fucking emotional? Jesus, get some fucking self control!

I didn't want to have to be the one who gets all attached and emotional when she had clearly treated as if I was nothing more than a quick fuck. It meant absolutely nothing to her. Then why the fuck was I still so sad about it? It was mortifying. It was mortifying to be the only one who gets affected. But you know what? I refused to be her victim. I refused to get played. I refused to be _weak_ in front of her.

 _Is this what you want, Mrs. Aird? Fine._ I thought bitterly. _Want to act like nothing's happened? Cool. Want to act like we're nothing but strangers? Great, great, just fucking great! Two can play this game. I'll show you I can be just as cold, too. Fuck you and your attitude. If you show me you don't give a shit, I'll show you I'm better at it!_

"Sorry for busting in like that, how _foolish_ of me. Have a lovely day, Mrs. Aird!" I cracked a sickeningly sweet smile at her and slammed the door as hard as I could on my way out.

_Go fuck yourself, Carol Aird._

_This is the fucking last time,_ I resentfully vowed _, I would never allow her to get to me like this again. Never. I swear I would kill myself before I let it happen._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woahh what the hell just happened you may ask?  
> Well, I just want to point out the fact that I didn't name this fic "Love you, hate you" for nothing you know? lol  
> There's a saying in my country (if you haven't already noticed that English is not my mother tongue by the shitty grammar and structures in this story) that I like quite a lot: "Love is only beautiful when it bleeds."  
> Don't worry, I won't let our two beloved characters bleed too much. Or will I? Who knows, but that's the fun, isn't it!  
> As always, thank you so much your reading. You guys are the real MVPs in my heart. I love and appreciate all the kudos and comments, thanks so much my babies.


	8. War

Everything was back to normal, whatever "normal" was supposed to mean.

Monday to Friday, I dutifully showed up for work at eight and left at five, sometimes later, depending on the workload. I did my thing, finished it, and went home. She did her thing, finished it, and went home.

For the most part, I had managed to be super cool and professional about everything. It was not particularly difficult though, for I rarely saw her anyway. We crossed each other's path maybe just once or twice for the entire week. We hardly ever saw each other face to face. She might as well live on another planet. And except for the occasional hellos and good mornings, you know, perfunctory courtesy and all that, we hadn't spoken another single word to each other after that afternoon. So yeah, suffice to say, I had been handling things pretty maturely.

At least that was what it seemed on the surface.

_Want me to tell you the truth?_

I felt like burning the entire fucking building down to the ground every time I caught sight of her.

Last week Mr. McKay and I were having a casual conversation by the water fountain. And while he was gushing about his new baby, out of the corner of my eye, I saw her walking by. The unexpected presence of her made me temporarily forgot that Mr. McKay was there, or that I was carrying a conversation with him, or that I was at work, in a room with about 50 other people. The massive hatred I harbored towards her blinded my mind and I found everything around me started to fade into the background as I tried to burn a hole in the back of her neck with my laser-shooting gaze. If looks could kill, she would have certainly been dead in that moment. As a matter of fact, the anger in my eyes was so strikingly obvious that it took Mr. McKay aback. He immediately excused himself and walked away in a hurry.

I still couldn't believe I had literally scared a grown man away with just my stare. It was kind of funny in a way. But yeah, the point was: I really hated her. I really, really, really did. 

* * *

 "Well, since everyone is here, we should get started. First I'd like to welcome you all and thank everyone for coming. I know you are all very busy and it's difficult to take time away from your daily tasks for meetings. Now let's discuss last month's readership ...." 

It was the last day of the month, which meant everyone had to attend the end-of-the-month meeting. Everyone, including her.

She was sitting at the head of the table, casually looking at everything and anything but me. Fine with me. I couldn't care less.

Instead, I trained my eyes on Mr. Walker as he spoke. It would appear as if I was a hardworking employee who was attentively listening and diligently writing down everything her boss says. In reality, it couldn't have been further from the truth. I was just doodling in my notebook in order to look busy.

A raccoon, in case you were wondering what my doodle was. _But why a raccoon, you say?_ _Well, I'm glad you ask because I was just thinking about how fun it would be to put a raccoon in her car. Not that I would actually carry it out. But just hypothetically, you know? I mean, it would be fun, right? The only problem is finding a raccoon and capturing him. Raccoons are not stupid animals, you see, and trapping them is not going to be easy. First you have to -_

"Ms. Belivet?"

"Yes!" I stupidly shouted, as I was startled from my evil daydreaming.

"So what do you think of Mr. Thompson's suggestion?" 

"Wh- " I was about to ask what the heck did Mr. Thompson suggest, but then again, I didn't want to appear stupid by asking him to repeat the question. So naturally, like any other normal person, I pretended like I knew exactly what he was talking about. "Yes, I agree, completely. As a matter of fact, I think it's a wonderful idea. Simply brilliant." _Stop talking now, you idiot._

Quite amused, Mr. Walker continued, "Oh yeah? Well, I'm glad you agree. Alright, I guess it's settled then. You'll work with Mrs. Aird on this, okay? She has experience working on these types of things before so it shouldn't be too difficult. You two can work out the details later but I'll need the article by next Friday, okay?"

_Wait a minute. What?_

"What?"

"Friday. Now I know the deadline can be a little bit pressing; but hey, you've got Mrs. Aird helping you with this so you should have no problem at all. Trust me, she's a pro. Am I right, Carol?"

She nodded appreciatively at Mr. Walker and then, for the first time in weeks, looked straight at me.

I stared back, dumbfounded.  

_Working with her? Her?! The fucking devil? Is he kidding me? No way in hell! I would rather lick someone's butt than work with her again._

"Mr. Walker, actually it's," I hurried interrupted.

"Yes, Ms. Belivet?" he raised an eyebrow.

I swallowed hard, "Nothing, Friday's fine, sir," I finally said, defeatedly. 

_What the hell, Belivet? What have you done?_ My mind screamed at me.

To be fair, I didn't have any other option. This was my first meeting. And going back on something I'd agreed to be "wonderful, simply brilliant" two seconds before would undoubtedly make me a joke. Everyone would know I wasn't paying attention right away. And on the first official meeting? That would look so bad, so so bad. _I'm such a fucking idiot._

I guessed there was nothing left to do but toughen up and deal with it.

Jesus, what had I gotten myself into.

 

* * *

 

Over the next few days I put everything else aside and focused entirely on the article. By Friday, after hours of working tirelessly and roughly 30 drafts later, I finally got the basics of the article done.

It was now 5:45pm. I glanced at her office. _About any time now_ , I thought.

I quickly grabbed my stuff, walked over to her office, and waited outside the door. After one minute, she walked out.

"Mrs. Aird, you have a minute?"

She stopped and looked at me cautiously, "Sure." 

"Here's the article, I've finished the framework. Mr. Walker doesn't need it until next Friday but well, I wanted to get it done as soon as possible, you know? The story is mostly done, you just need to take a look at it before I move on to the next part," I explained as I handed her the article. 

She took the papers from me and quickly looked over them.

I stood awkwardly as I waited. Should I look at her? _**No, look somewhere else, idiot. You're trying to act like you don't care, remember?** _ Okay, that plant looks interesting, I could look at that. _**For fuck's sake, of all the things you could look at in this office, you choose a fucking plant? A boring, fake, and lifeless plant? That's what you want to want to pretend to be interested in? Don't look at the fucking plant! She will be able to tell that you're trying not to look at her right away. The whole point here is trying to act like you're not acting like you don't care, okay?**_ What? What a convoluted sentence. What are you even talking about? _**Goddammit, Belivet. You know what? Just - just fold your arms and look at your nails or something.**_ Well, which one is it? I can't do both! It's either folding my arms or -

"You have done all of this? By yourself?" Carol finally spoke, interrupting my ridiculous train of thoughts.

"Yeah, I mean, most of them anyway. Mr. Collins did help me a little bit with some of the sections in there," I explained.

"Aren't you supposed to come to me whenever you have questions?"

"Well, I didn't think it was necessary. Mr. Collins had covered these things before and he was more than happy to help." I shrugged  
  
"Ms. Belivet, I am your supervisor on this project and you came to see Mr. Collins? Why?"

_Why? Because I didn't want to talk to you, let alone ask for your help, you prick!_

"Like I said, I didn't think it was necessary."

"It's not up to you to decide whether or not it was necessary."

"Look, all that matters is that I've got it done, okay? Why don't we just leave it at that and move on?" I asked impatiently.

"It's - " she stopped in the middle of the sentence.

I raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to continue.

She closed her eyes for a second, and when she opened them again, her expression had softened unexpectedly.

Rather uncertain, she asked, "Does this have anything to do with what happened that night?"

Oh. 

Oh.

Oh.

_Ohhhhhhhhhhhh._

Now she acknowledged it!

And I thought this day would never come. 

Well, a little bit too late now, bitch!

"What do you mean?" I feigned ignorance.

"You not coming to me," she murmured softly, barely above a whisper, "Is it because you're still, uhm, a-angry, at me, for what happened?" 

Did she just stutter?

Ha! Priceless!

I felt like doing a victory dance. Well, maybe later at home. Still have my cool appearances to keep and all that.

"What?" I chuckled humorlessly, "Don't flatter yourself, Mrs. Aird." I answered coldly.

"Look, Therese, I'm sor-"

"Terry!" someone shouted across the room.

I jerked my head back.

It couldn't possible be -

_Holy shit._

_What is he doing here?_

_Are my eyes playing tricks on me?_

I turned my head just in time to see Richard, I shit you not, crossed the room in a couple of strides. When he was finally in front of me, he reached out to grab my face in both of his hands and gave me a full kiss on the mouth.

Yes.

Yes.

That happened.

He fucking did that.

He really fucking did that. 

In front of Carol Aird and all.

I couldn't make this shit up even if I'd tried.

"Richard?" My mouth hung open stupidly like a fish. "What the fu- what are you doing here?"

"Hello to you, too, beautiful," he laughed.

I stared incredulously at him.

"I got off work early and thought to myself "Hey, I have never seen where Terry work", so I decided to come over and surprise you. Surprise!" he boomed excitedly, "Are you almost done?"

"Ye-s...I mean, no! For christ's sake I'm in the middle of talk-"

"It's fine. You can go, we're done here anyway," Carol interrupted.

"Awesome! I also have dinner reservations at this new restaurant downtown tonight. You're welcome, babe." he beamed at me.

I resisted an overwhelming urge to slap that grin off of his face.

"Oh! Where are my manners?" he suddenly cried out, "Richard Semco, I'm Terry's boyfriend. Pleasure to meet you," he said and extended his hand towards Carol.

_What? Did he just say that? Did he really just say that? Did he just fucking introduce himself as "Terry's boyfriend"? Is this seriously happening right now?_

_Hey floor, would you be so kind as to open up and swallow me whole, pretty please with a cherry on top?_

But life very rarely gave you what you like. Because two seconds later, I found that I was still standing in the exact same spot. Goddammit. 

"Carol Aird, likewise," she took his hand and gave it a firm shake.

"You're Therese's boss, right? I've seen you a few times at the gala dinners. You probably don't remember me, though."

"I'm sorry, I'm afraid I'm not very good at remembering faces." Carol gave him a polite smile.

"Richard?" I hurriedly interrupted when he was about to say something else to Carol.

"Yes, baby?"

"Would you mind giving us a few minutes here? My office is on the end of that side, go check it out. I'll get you when I'm done, okay, sweetheart?" I only added the term of endearment in a sarcastic way. But too bad he didn't seem to realize it, because he was still grinning when he replied, "Okay, sure baby. Be quick though, okay?"

I nodded several times, wishing he would go away faster.

Finally, I turned my head to look at Carol and the look on her face stunned me momentarily.

For the second time since we started to talk, her whole demeanor had changed, again. The softness in her eyes before Richard interrupted us was gone completely. Her face now hardened and emotionless.  

"I'll take a closer look at the article tomorrow," she said.

"Okay. And you'll let me know if it needs revisions?"

"I'll let Ms. Denali know whether or not it need changes and she'll inform you."

"Okay, that's good, I think." Honestly, at this point the article was the last thing on my mind. I just wanted to know what she was trying to say before Richard interrupted us.

"What were you saying before -"

"Nothing." she snapped.

_Of course._

_Back to square one._

_What else is new?_

What did I really expect from her anyway? An apology? A confession? "Sorry I was horny and you just happened to be in the same bed"? "Sorry if you thought you were more important to me than you really are"? "Sorry but you really need to let this shit go"? _Oh man, who the hell am I kidding here? This is Carol Aird we're talking about._

"He seems like a nice young man," Carol said suddenly.

"Who? Oh, Richard? Yeah, I guess he is. He's very nic-"

"Oh, I'm sure," she sneered, "Seems to be very much in love, too."

_Wait, what is this?_

"Well, I wouldn't go as far as-" I stopped, as I suddenly realized something.

_Wait a minute, is she...angry?_

I took a quick peek at her.

_Oh shit, she's angry, real, real angry, there's no doubt about it._

_But what in the world is she angry about?_

_Goddamn bipolar woman._

_One minute she's acting all soft and then the nex- Holy shit. Could it be? Is she...jealous? But with who? Richard? Nahhhhh, she couldn't possibly be. Just the very thought seems ridiculous. This is Carol Aird we're talking about here. And Richard is just...well...Richard._

_Well, I guess there's only one way to find out._

"Well, I can't really speak for him, haha" I faked a nervous laugh. "But I know I am _very much in love_ with him. I mean, how could I not? I know people say this about their lovers all the time, but I swear he really is the most romantic guy on Earth and I'm very lucky to have him." 

"Well, I'm certainly very happy for you, Ms. Belivet," she almost growled. 

_Holy cow, she really is jealous._

_Well, what are you still waiting for? Go in for the knock out!_

"I guess that's it. Thank you, Mrs. Aird. Have a lovely evening." I said politely and walked away.

Richard was standing a few feet away, looking at something on his phone. He looked up as I came to him, "You're done? Great. I am thinking of Italian for to-"

I quickly silenced him, standing up on my toes, grabbing his tie, and thus pulling him down to give him the most passionate kiss ever.

After I was sure Mrs. Aird had an eye full of our "passionate" kiss, I released him, both of us slightly out of breath.

"Wow Terry...I mean, wow." he said, still in shock, "I may need to come here more often in the future, I mean, holy shit."

Richard happily threw his arm over me and walked us to the elevator.

As the elevator door was about to close, I gave Mrs. Aird a little wave.

She was still standing in the exact same spot where we said goodbye.

And boy, did she look pissed.

Belivet 1 - Mrs. Aird 0.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let the game begins!


	9. Stranded

"Ms. Belivet, here's the article from Mrs. Aird."

"Oh? That is surprisingly quick. Thank you so much, Ms. Denali."

"And these are the changes that she'd like you to make," Amanda gave me the article and listed out the things that Carol wanted me to go over again.

"Got it. Tell her I'll get it done as soon as possible. And again, thank you for bringing it to me, Ms. Denali."

"It's no problem at all, Ms. Belivet."

"Hey, Amanda?" I asked when she was about to leave.

"Yes?"

"How do you like working here?"

"It's wonderful. I like it."

I tilted my head, "Oh yeah? And how is it working for Mrs. Aird?" 

She took just a tad too long to answer, and when she did, I saw her swallowed first.

"It's great! She's a very talented and brilliant journalist. I'm extremely honored to be her assistant. It's great. She's great."

I chuckled.

"What?" Puzzled, she questioned.

"Do you realize how many times you used the word "great" in that one single reply?"

"It is a positive adjective, is it not?"

"Not when it's used like that," 

"I really mean it, she's gr- I mean, she has been nothing but wonderful. Ms. Belivet, please don't go and start telling everyone that I said Mrs. Aird is anything but wonderful to work with." 

I swore I saw a sweat started to roll down her temple. I guessed I'd had my fun and decided to put the girl out of her misery.

"Ms. Denali, you don't have to be afraid, I'm your friend here. I'd worked for the woman over a year, I know how she is. There's no other way to put it, she can be a real _ass_ sometimes, am I right?" 

"No, no, she's grea- Well, to be completely honest with you..." Amanda heaved a deep sigh, "...she can be a little bit overbearing and hard to deal with sometimes."

"No shit," I laughed.

"You have no idea. Oh I'm sorry, you probably know more than I do. It's just, so _exhausting_ because I am expected to do everything perfectly at once, you know? And she's just so...so specific and meticulous about everything! Just one single little thing that's different from the house's publishing style and she flips out. And oh my god, I swear I've never met anyone that scary. She doesn't yell at me or anything, but weirdly, that's the most scary part about it, you know? And there's also another thing, she compares me to you all. the. time. As if I don't have enough stress as it is. Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against you. I really, really, really admire you. Man, I don't know how you did it, I mean, hat's off to you, Ms. Belivet, you must have incredible patience or strength or something because ..." 

_Wait a minute. What?_

"Wait, Amanda," 

But Amanda didn't seem to hear me, and instead she kept going on and on and on about the frustrating things she had to deal with everyday. You should have seen the girl, it was like I accidentally opened a can of worms and the damn things just kept pouring out.

"Amanda, Amanda!" I waved my hands in front of her.

"Yes?"

"Can you back up just a little bit? You said...she compared you...to me?"

"Yes! All the damn time."

"Mrs. Aird?" I had to make sure we were indeed talking about the same person here.

"Who else could it be?" She almost rolled her eyes.

"Huh,"

"I like you, Ms. Belivet. I really do. You're a really wonderful person and you're the nicest person in the office. But if I hear one more time about how great you were at your job or that she wished you were still working for her instead of me, I swear to God..." Amanda paused, and then her shoulders shagged a little as she let out a sigh, "I probably won't be able to do anything, but a girl can dream right?" 

"Uh, uh yeah, absolutely." I was too distracted to even register her question.

_She thinks I was great at my job? She wishes I was still working for her? Carol? I'm so fucking confused._

I had stopped listening to Ms. Denali by now but I decided to sit quietly and let her talk it out. She looked like she really needed to let out some steam, and I perfectly understood that.

* * *

"Hey, Mrs. Martin, where can I find the documents from this article that we did a few years ago?"

Mrs. Martin pushed the glasses up her nose, slowly took the article from me, and began to type in her computer. Watching her, I felt like I was stuck in a time machine, and everything suddenly started to move in slow-motion, because everything she did was excruciatingly slow. After a while, she finally looked up to me and, in a painfully boring voice, she said: "They're down in the file room, basement floor, do you want them now?"

"Yes, please."

She began to stand up, with great difficulty, and when she went to grab her sweater to put it on, I decided I'd had enough.

"You know what, it's fine. I'll get them myself. Thanks, Mrs. Martin."

_God knows how long it would take her to get those documents, better I do it myself._

I pushed the door open and walked in. My eyes squinted a bit as they tried to adjust to the darkness. 

"Hey,"

I jumped. 

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, just a little bit startled. Didn't think anyone is down here."

"Well, Ms. Belivet, you thought wrong."

I looked up, and to my surprise, standing by the first shelf on the right corner of the room was none other than Mrs. Aird.

_Just my fucking luck._

"What are you doing down here?" My tone was harsher than I'd intended it to be.

"I could ask you the same thing."

"You said we couldn't put the claims against Governor Brito in the article without substantial evidence and when I looked it up the database, I found out that we actually did a number of interviews with him back in the day about some issues that could be related to this new case. So here I am. I thought we could dig more into them."

She stopped flipping through the pages and looked up. "Hmm, great deduction. I'm doing the same thing. Good work, Ms. Belivet,"

The compliment was so unexpected and genuine, and just so _unlike_ her that I found myself stumbling back a bit into the door behind me. With my cheeks reddening deeply, I managed to gulp out: "Uh, t-thanks..."

She suddenly furrowed her brows and looked at me without anything.

"What?" I asked.

She bit her lower lip, and then, very slowly, she said: "Please tell me that you propped the door open when you came in."

"Of course I did."

"Can you check it again?"

"Look, I told you, I did, I'm not stupid okay?" I quipped, annoyed. But I did check it again, just to humor her.

"Well?" she asked impatiently.

"Yes, it is propped open, just as I said. Are you happy?"

"I'm sorry. I just thought I heard it closing a moment ago."

"Well, you heard wrong. Just -just go back to whatever you were doing before I came in. I'm just going to make a call over here, okay?"

I took out my phone and looked hurriedly through my contacts.

_Oh, there it is, I knew I'd saved it, the building administration's number. Thank God!_

"Ms. Belivet?"

"Yes, Mrs. Aird?" I answered exasperatedly.

"You do know we have no signal down here right?"

As soon as she finished her sentence, I heard the all too familiar message informing no connection from the phone company. I slowly put the phone back in my pocket and patted it. "I knew that. Of course I knew that. I totally did."

She continued to stare at me. After a while, she asked.

"The door is closed, isn't it?"

It wasn't a question.

"Yes..." Ashamed, I put my head down.

"Goddammit, Ms. Belivet. You know that damn door always has to be propped open or else it will stick and trap us in!" she yelled.

"I did prop it when I came in!"

"Then why the hell is it closed now?"

"It must have fallen out when I stumbled back into it or something."

"You stumbled? You _stumbled_? Last time I check, you are a grown woman Ms. Belivet, and grown women don't just go about stumbling everywhere!"

"You caught me by surprise okay?!"

"Surprise? _Surprise_? What surprise!"

"I am just so used to this bitchy side of you and it caught me by surprise when you gave that damn compliment!"

She huffed in frustration, but did not say anything after that. 

We just stood there, angrily stared each other down. Neither of us knew what else to do. And then, out of the blue, she stormed over to the door and started to kick it mercilessly.

"Help!!!! We're stuck here. HELP!" she screamed at the the top of her lungs.

"Really? Really?" I rolled my eyes.

She ignored my comment and continued to scream, "Help! Somebody! Helpppppppppppp!" 

I sighed exasperatedly and went over to sit down near the edge of the shelf.

"Mrs. Aird, save it, no one can hear us from down here."

"Who knows, maybe someone could be out there right now."

"Don't be ridiculous. You know damn well no one's out there."

"Well, I have to try, don't I?" She raised her voice.

"Would you please stop freaking out? It's not like we're gonna be stuck here forever. The janitor will come and open the door soon. We just have to wait a bit."

"Oh really?"

"Yes."

"Why didn't you say anything? That's...great."

"Yes, so please sit down and stop freaking out, you're giving me a headache."

"When will he come?"

"At 9:30. I think."

"9:30? That's about....", she glanced at her watch, "30 minutes from now. That's not too bad, not at all. Oh, that's such a relief." For the first time since I walked in the room, a smile formed on her face. 

I almost didn't have it in me to break it to her.

"What?" she asked when she noticed the look on my face, "What? What is it, Belivet?"

"It's not 30 minutes."

"But you said 9:30?"

"I did."

"So what do you mea- ohhhhhhh. No. No. No. NO!" her eyes widened in horror as she realized what I meant. "9:30 in the fucking evening?"

I closed my eyes, waiting for the wrath that was bound to come, and nodded.

"You've gotta be fucking with me."

"I wish."

"Goddammit Belivet!" she screamed bloody murder. 

"Just sit down, relax, and we'll be out in no time." 

"Relax? _Relax?"_

"Yes, Mrs. Aird, relax." 

"The fuck I am gonna relax."

"Woah no need to be rude here."

"How can you sit there and tell me to relax? How can you act like this is nothing? We're fucking stuck here for more than 12 hours!"

"And you know what's _not_ gonna fix it? Your _shouting_."

"This is all your goddamn fault!!!" Furious, she pointed her finger at me.

"Woah, let's not play the blame game here. You were not totally blameless either."

"What? I was wrong because I gave you a compliment?"

I turned my head away and tried to act like I was engrossed in the documents that I just pulled out from the shelves.

She walked off in a huff. After choosing a corner as far from me as possible, she finally sat down.

 _Childish_ , I thought in my head.

We were both very quiet in about an hour or so. Both of us were too angry to say anything. And I tried to keep my mind off of her by doing what I came down to do in the first place: investigating through the tall stacks of papers that could hold the valuable information we needed.

"Hey! I found it!" I cried out, "Here, Mrs. Aird, he said it right here! 1996. Can you believe that? We actually have him saying it on record. Caught red-handed, haha! Put in the article and we're good to go! Right? Right? What do you think?" I looked at her, barely able to contain my excitement.  

She did nothing at first, and then she began to slow clap for a whole 20 seconds. In a monotone, she said, "Great job, Ms. Belivet. Marvelous. Simply marvelous. If only we could walk out, get back to our offices, and write that damn article. Oh no, we can't do that! Why? Because we're fucking stuck here until 9:30!!!"

I narrowed my eyes at her. "Do you know what's the one thing we could both do without while waiting? Your snark. Not really appreciate it right now."

We went back to being quiet for another half hour. Then, suddenly, she stood up, pointed at something on the wall behind us, and announced, "I've had enough, I'm gonna pull that."

"What?" I looked in the direction of her finger. As soon as I saw the red thing, I stood up. Very calmly, I said, "No you're not."

"Oh yes I am."

"No you're not."

"I have things to do and people to see. I'm not gonna be stuck here until 9:30 in the fucking evening. I'm gonna pull that."

"Do you realize what's gonna happen if you pull that alarm? The water's gonna be spraying everywhere. Everything will be wet. Everything!"

"It's the only option."

"No it's not. You have another option, which is to wait calmly like an adult and wait for the janitor to op-"

But before I had the chance to finish my sentence, she was already crossing the room determinedly.

"Goddammit woman, you're not fucking pulling anything!" I shouted as I reached out to grab her arm to try to pull her back.

_Slash!_

The unmistakable of cloth ripping rang through the deadly quiet room like thunder. 

I jerked my hand back in horror.

Surprise and anger both flashed in her eyes briefly before she slowly looked down to inspect the damage.

In my hand was the entire right side of her shirt.

"Shit," I mumbled under my breath.

Her nostrils flared, and she trembled with anger.

And then, in a deadly calming voice, she enunciated each word slowly, "I'm. Going. To. Fucking. Kill. You." 

I was halfway between being scared shitless and mad angry, but in the end, my anger won the battle and I shouted back heatedly, "What the fuck was I supposed to do? Was I supposed to just sit back and let you flush the damn basement w-" 

I lost my train of thought as my eyes suddenly landed on her upper body. I was still clutching the damn fabric in my hand, which, naturally, left her right side entirely exposed to nature. In other words, her right boob was hanging out for everyone to see. And she was wearing red today. _Fuck me._

I immediately turned around and willed my eyes to forget what I'd seen.

"What? What were you gonna say? Say it!" She demanded.

"Look, Mrs. Aird, I - ah heck!" My hands reached up to rub my forehead as hard as I could.

"What? Go on, say it to my face!" She came around to confront me. 

Still shielding my eyes with my hands, I spoke, "Mrs. Aird."

"Yes!"

"Your breasts are exposed."

Her hands flew up to cover herself. If I had thought she was angry before, boy I was wrong. Now, now, she was _truly_ furious, fuming, in fact. "You pervert!" she shrieked. 

"What? How! I've been nothing but considerate! I'm covering my eyes over here for christ's sake!"

"You are the one who fucking ripped my shirt open in the first place!"

"I'm sorry!"

"You're unbelievable." 

I heard her feet furiously shuffling away. When I was sure she was far enough from me, I removed my hand just a little bit and snuck a glance at her. She was again sitting in a corner, arms crossed and lips pursed.

I looked up at the ceiling, praying to God to give me enough strength to get through today, which seemed like too much to ask at the moment.

I shrugged out of my blazer and put it in front of her. "Here."

"No thanks," she spat.

Of course, of course she was gonna make it harder than it had to be.

"Stop being such a bitch. Put it on, you're gonna catch a cold."

"No." She stubbornly refused.

"Do you really want to be half naked in front of me?"

"So what if I do?"

"Oh come on!" I threw my hands up frustratingly.

"Why the hell are you blushing so much?" she asked.

"I'm not!"

"You are."

"It's the heat."

"Of course it is," she said sarcastically, "Don't you act all shy and modest now. It's not like it's the first time you've seen them."

I gaped at her, like a stupid fish. "W-What?"

"I said, it's not like you have never seen them before. So don't act all shy and embarrassed."

_Can you believe the nerve of this fucking woman?_

"Maybe I don't want to look at them because they tend to make me do crazy things."

"Like what?"

"Like attacking you right here."

Now it was her turn to blush profusely.

"You wouldn't dare!" she uttered weakly.

I didn't know what came over me, or what compelled me to do it, but before I knew it, I had put my face dangerously close to hers, and very slowly, very deliberately, I whispered in her ears.

"Keep this up and we'll see what I would or wouldn't dare."

Her breath hitched, and her eyes became unfocused, "You-you-" 

"So Mrs. Aird", I continued, "I think it's in our best interests for you to cover up, sit down, and wait peacefully. Don't you agree?"

She clenched her fists at her side.  

"Mrs. Aird, I said, do we understand each other?"

She swallowed hard and nodded.

I smiled, stepped back, and held the blazer open. She studied my face for a while, and then slowly went to put her arms into the sleeves.  

That wasn't so hard now, was it?

And we didn't say another word until the janitor came and let us out. 

By then, the tension was so palpable that the janitor looked at us puzzlingly, and asked "Shit, I didn't accidentally interrupt anything, did I?"

We both gave him a death glare and stormed out of the room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the long wait. There were several ideas that I'd been playing with in my head and I just couldn't decide what I wanted to write. Finally decided to go with this fun one, hope you like it.  
> And oh, I was also busy stalking Ms. Rooney Mara. Yeah, no big deal, no big deal at all lol She is now filming near where I live and I just couldn't help myself. But oh boy, I don't know if anyone has told you before, but stalking really, really takes a lot of time and effort. So yeah, hat's off to you professional stalkers out there!! (well, not really, 'cause it's illegal and all that. But who am I to judge, right? lol)  
> That's it for now. Thank you very much for your support. As always, just want to let you know you're awesome and take care until the next chapter!


	10. Truce

"Richard?"

"Yes?"

"Why are you still not dressed?"

It was Saturday night. Richard had stopped by my place an hour ago.

I was blow-drying my hair, getting ready for tonight when I noticed he was still lounging in his sweat pants in front of the TV.

"Hmmm? Oh, I still have plenty of time. The game doesn't start until seven, babe," he shouted over his shoulder while munching loudly on the popcorn.

I stopped mid-air, and turned around.

"Wait, what game?"

"Hmmm?" he answered distractedly.

"Richard! What game?"  

"You know," he shrugged, "the basketball one."

_Oh no. No. He'd gotta be kidding me._

"Please tell me you're joking. Please." 

"N-no? Why? Should I?" 

I marched over where he was sitting, and turned off the TV abruptly.

"Hey! Wha-" he stopped protesting when he noticed the look on my face.

I narrowed my eyes into slits.

"Why the hell am I in this dress, Richard?"

"Because you have a dinner thingie? Some kind of work....event, I think?...Tonight?" he answered, choosing his words cautiously, which was a wise thing to do since my patience just hit a record low.

"Yes, and?" I pressed.

"And?" he furrowed his brows, "I don't know," he scratched his forehead, "What do you want me to say?"

"Jesus! Richard, you promised to go with me! I told you about it last Thursday!"

"No you didn't. Uh-uh," he shook his head vigorously. 

"I didn't?!" My hands closed into fists and I crouched forward, daring him to repeat one more time. "Alright, then allow me to refresh your memory, sweetheart." I gritted my teeth. "We were having pizza and I brought it up and asked if you would you be my plus one tonight. And you said, and I quote: "My good sir, does Pinocchio have wooden balls?" I specifically remember that because you said it in such a fucking weird way," I repeated his statement, even used air-quotes for dramatic effects. "And then you laughed for a full minute at your "witty" answer and said "Fo shizzle, my nizzle, I'll be happy to." So, you tell me, Richard. Did I, or did I not, invite you? Hm, honey? Is it coming back to you now?"

Richard cleared his throat and sheepishly looked down at the floor, "I may have said that."

"Richard!" I shouted "I can't believe you forget it. You have one job, Richard, one!" I frustratedly threw the blowdryer across the bed and walked away.

"Babe, I'm sorry! I really, really, really am," He quickly got up and followed me into the kitchen. "Work has been crazy lately and it just completely slipped my mind. I know I fucked up, but please, please, can you find it in your heart to forgive me?"

"You want me to forgive you?" I asked and he nodded enthusiastically. "Cancel it."

"Cancel what?"

"The game!" Why did he even have to ask that? "Come on, we still can make it if you hurry up. Change your clothes."

"Tsk..." he bit his lower lip.

"Richard?" I crossed my arms defiantly. "Cancel. The. Game." 

"Babe, the Knicks are playing tonight!"

"So?" He said as if it meant anything to me. "I don't care! Is this game more important than me?"

"Come on, you know it's not fair to put it like that."

"You know what's also not fair? You standing me up."

"But it's the Knicks, baby. The Knicks!" He started to pace back and forth.

"You know what, Richard? Fuck you." I angrily gave him two middle fingers.

He then closed the small space between us and enveloped me in a tight hug. "Don't be like this. You know I love you more than anything. But come on, you also know how much I love Derrick Williams. It's Derrick Williams for christ's sake, baby!" he shook my arms playfully. "I'll make it up to you some other time, I swear. Jack and Mike are on their way over here anyway, I can't bail now. You understand, right?"

I grunted bitterly in reply. 

"Please, don't be angry. I promise it will never happen again," he said softly.

"Fine," I sighed defeatedly, "But this is the last time." 

He grinned from ear to ear, "You're the best girlfriend a guy could ever ask for."

"Whatever Richard, whatever," I poked a finger in his chest and walked away. "But you'd better be careful from now on."

I quickly finished my makeup. As we said goodbye, I looked at Richard again, and even though I knew it would be a useless attempt, still, I tried one last time: "Are you absolutely sure you can't come?"

He smiled and placed a kiss on top of my head, "I'm sorry. Have fun tonight, baby." 

"Alright, fineeee," I pouted, "See you later Richard. Lock the door when you leave."

I gave the taxi driver the address and sat back in my seat.

Glancing at the empty seat beside me, I groaned loudly and put my head in my hands.

I hated that Richard could not come tonight, he had always been my plus one for these types of things.

Don't get me wrong, it was not like I was heartbroken about _his_ absence in particular or anything, he was not exactly entertaining most of the time anyway. But Richard offered distraction. And I needed distraction. _Desperately_. From you-know-who. 

Ever since that accident in the basement, we had this weird energy around us.

I still hated her. Yep. That wouldn't change anytime soon. But I also found myself inexplicably drawn to her for some reason.

Every time she entered the same room with me, the hair on the back of my head would stand up on ends.

_I'm serious. It's so fucking weird and bizarre. But I'm too much of a chicken to look closely into it._

I needed Richard to be there tonight to act as a buffer. Otherwise I was afraid I would do something stupid, which had practically become a routine lately whenever I was around her.

* * *

 "Therese Belivet, I can't even begin to tell you how disappointed I am right now."

I turned to look at the figure beside me and beamed when I saw who it was. 

"Genevieve! What a delight to see you tonight, sweetie!" 

She swiftly pulled out a chair and sat down next to me. Then, she narrowed her eyes.

"Oh don't you sweetie me, Belivet. Where the hell have you been for the past couple of weeks?" She punched my arm.

"Ouch, what was that for?" I shrieked. 

"You know exactly what that's for. Ever since you got that promotion you just stopped showing your face at my desk! What, are you suddenly too good for me now?"

"Don't you even think about it, Cantrell. I just have been so, sooooo busy settling in. And that article on the Senator really took a toll on me," I smiled apologetically, "I just haven't found the time, that's all there is to it."

"Sureeeeeeeee," she said sarcastically.

Of course that wasn't the real reason. I could stop by her desk anytime. Yeah, sure, I had been busy, but not _that_ busy.

The tricky thing was, Genevieve's desk was practically a mere few feet away from Mrs. Aird's office, which made it pretty impossible to visit because I didn't want to risk running into Carol. So yeah, I just decided to avoid the place altogether.

"I'm really sorry, Viv. But come on, think about it, how can I ever forget you? You're my best friend in the office!"

"Don't sweet talk your way out of this. You'd better make some time for me or else I will kick your ass, Belivet. I'm dead serious. I am. Do you hear me?" 

"Yes, loud and clear, ma'am." I chuckled. 

Thankfully, Genevieve decided to let me off the hook, for now. She then proceeded to switch the name plates on the table so that she could sit next to me for the rest of the night. Two older women looked at her disapprovingly, and I bursted out laughing when she just scrunched up her nose and shrugged her shoulders at them.

During the whole night she made it her duty to refill my wine glass and steadily supply me with surprisingly amusing stories from her everyday life. I knew it was totally inappropriate to laugh out loud at a formal event such as this, but I had always found it difficult to keep a straight face whenever Genevieve was around.

Gosh, I didn't realized how much I needed this.

_I haven't been this happy and carefree for...forever._

After downing a few glasses of my drink, I nudged her, "I need to go to the bathroom. You coming?"

"Nah, I'm good. You go ahead. I'm just gonna say hello to Mr. Jackson over there. Anddd...I think the bathroom's that way."

I excused myself from the table and headed in the direction that Genevieve pointed out.

As I was walking through the corridor, I spotted a familiar figure at the end of the hallway, out on the balcony.

I stopped and squinted my eyes.

Carol! 

_See?_

_What did I tell you?_

_What did I fucking tell you?_

_I could feel her presence anywhere. Where did I get this useless fucking talent from, I had no fucking idea. I certainly didn't ask for it!_

She was sitting in a chair, legs crossed, a cigarette tucked carelessly in a corner of her red lips. And she was all alone.

I did not want her to see me so I quickened my pace, hoping to slip past without her noticing. 

But then I caught a glimpse of her face as she turned her head a little bit to the side, and I froze.

I had seen, both willingly and unwillingly, many sides to Carol. Time after time, she had shown me she could be rude, witty, arrogant, sexy, heartless, funny, detestable, brilliant, annoying, confident, infuriating...and many, many, many more things. I had been pretty sure I had seen every side there was to Carol.

I was wrong.

Never in my life I had seen a broken hearted side of Carol. As a matter of fact, I didn't think a lot of people had, either.

And that was exactly what I was witnessing right now.

There was as if an aura of grey around her. It was a mist that wouldn't rise. A state of despair that she couldn't see herself through.  
  
A single tear rolled down her cheek; and it was wiped away so quickly that I was almost unsure if I had imagined seeing it in the first place.

Her gaze was empty, vacant. Her shoulders slumped, as if the whole world was laid on her and she couldn't straighten up or catch her breath entirely.

I was stunned into silence. 

After a few minutes of staring unabashedly, my brain finally sprang to action. I contemplated going up to her to ask if she was okay. But after taking one single step towards her, I chickened out and took off straight in the opposite direction.

When I reached the bathroom, I frustratedly splashed some water on my face and looked at myself in the mirror. 

**_Don't do it._** No, no, no, not you again. Get out of my fucking head. _**Nothing good will come out of it.**_ I know, I know, I know! ** _Take a deep breath, straighten your shoulder, and get back to your seat._  **But she looks like she needs someone to comfort her. ** _Yeah, someone. Not you, you fucking idiot._** Why not? ** _Why not? Why not?!? Do you have a fucking self-destructive streak in your bones or something? Why do you always want to torture yourself - us, like this? Listen up Belivet, just drink a few more glasses of champagne, laugh some more at Genevieve's harmless jokes, take a cab, and go home._** Ugh. _**No. No, no, no. Not "ugh". I'm right and you know it. Listen to me for once, you stupid bastard!**  _Okay, okay, okay. Fine! You win. I'll go back to my seat and pretend I didn't see anything. Are you happy now? _**Finally! Some fucking senses!**_  Sometimes I really hate you, do you know that? _**Oh boohoo, she hates me. I think I'm gonna cry. Stop acting like a butthurt baby!! Don't you see I'm doing this for the both of us?** Y_ _eah, but you don't have to be such a dick about it. **You'll thank me later, Belivet. You'll thank me later.**_

I patted my face dry, angrily threw the towel in the trash bin, and walked back to my seat.

I was literally two feet away from my table when, once again, I turned around and took off in the opposite direction. 

The rational part of my mind hated me for doing this, but the thing was, the rational part of me never really was completely in control, and ever since I met her, it seemed like it had been even less so.

When I was near I wanted to be, I slowed down to catch a deep breath and braved myself.

Cautiously, I walked towards the balcony.

She was still lost in her thoughts and didn't notice my presence as I stood directly behind her.

I cleared my throat.

Startled, she looked up. 

"Ms. Belivet?"

"Hey," I gave her a small wave, "Um, I was just-uh, walking by, and I saw you, and I just- I mean, are you okay?" I stammered, like an idiot.

_Already off to a good fucking start!_

"I'm fine," she answered curtly and went back to staring at the people on the street.

I looked down at my feet, not knowing what to do next. Maybe my brain was right, this was a stupid idea. 

"Where's Prince Charming tonight?" she questioned out of the blue, "Better get back to him before he gets all worried, don't you think?" she flicked off the cigarette ash and looked at me piercingly. 

"Ah, he's not here tonight."

"Oh, how unfortunate." There was hardly any emotion in her voice. "Must have sucked not being able to flaunt some PDA tonight, huh?"

I sighed and looked up at the ceiling, willing myself to refrain from saying anything snarky in reply.

After the Richard stunt I threw in the office last time, I guessed I deserve that. Kind of.

For the first time in weeks, I allowed myself to gaze into her eyes, and she did the same. Each of us silently challenged the other to back down and look away first.

As I held her gaze, I heard myself say the words before I even had a chance to think it over: "You wanna get out of here?"

There was confusion in her eyes at first, and she asked: "Pardon me?"

"Do you want to get out of here?" I repeated. 

She opened her mouth to say something.

Meanwhile, a million thoughts ran across my mind. 

_I just thought you look like you could really use some fresh air._

_You look like you want to be anywhere else but here._

_No, it's not like that. It's nothing like that. I just don't want to see you sad. No. That's wrong. Not you in particular. I just don't want to see anyone this sad. I would have done the same for anyone. Anyone. Totally._

_No, I'm not kidnapping you. Don't be such a drama queen._

_No, I don't know what I'm doing either. I just want to do something for you._

_Don't take this the wrong way, but I think you're too beautiful to be this sad. No! I can't believe I just said that. That's so fucking lame. Gosh, how could I even say something that lame and corny. Forget it. Forget what I'd just said._

_Mrs. Aird, why don't you just shut up and blindly accept my offer? Can you not be difficult for once in your life?_

_Yes, Mrs. Aird, apparently, I have lost my fucking mind. No, you don't have to tell me. Don't you think I already know that myself?_

I was mentally coming up with various answers to anything she may ask. 

But as each second ticked by and still she hadn't said anything, I found my courage dissipated as quickly as when it first came.

I couldn't take this silence anymore. So, like an idiot, I clapped my hands once to break the silence, causing her to jump in surprise.

My cheeks started to burn. _Goddammit, stop embarrassing yourself._

"For-forget it. Just- It was...it was stupid. The whole idea is just plain stupid," I waved my hand in dismissal, "I only said it because, because -" I bit my lip, not knowing how to explain myself. Because quite frankly, I didn't know why I did it either. "Ju-just. I wanted to-well. Although I do hope-I mean-well-shit-g-goodbye."

Jesus, what a fucking mess. And I was supposed to write for a living. _Oh the irony._

I hastily turned away, wanting to disappear before the heat got to my face and betrayed me by letting her realize how mortified I was right now about the whole ordeal.

But to my uttermost surprise, as my legs started to move, something reached out and effectively halted my pathetic escape. 

I looked down at my side.

A delicate hand was now tucked neatly in mine.

My eyes slowly made their ways to her face.

A wild look of determination and something, something I couldn't quite put a finger on, defiance, perhaps, crossed her face before she whispered softly.

"Okay."

"O-okay?"

"Okay," She nodded, "Take me away from here."

_No question? No resistance? Just like that?_

I studied her face carefully, making sure that she wasn't just messing with me. 

Then my lips started to curve upwards, and I squeezed her hand back gently.

"Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is longer than my previous ones, which is done deliberately as a way to make up for my two-week hiatus.  
> The coming chapters won't be updated as regularly and frequently as before. I'm really sorry, guys, I really am; but I have to brace myself, the finals are coming!!! (⌣_⌣”)


	11. "Date" night

"Where are we going?" Carol asked worriedly after ten minutes of walking.

Instead of giving her an answer, I focused entirely on putting one foot in front of the other and just kept going. 

"Therese, where are you taking me?"

One foot in front of the other.

_Don't get me wrong. It's not like I am purposefully ignoring her or anything. It's just that I have no idea how to answer her. I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing. And I don't know where I am heading to either. My mind had focused solely on getting her out of the there, I didn't even have the chance to think what to do next!_

_Frankly, I didn't think she would agree to this, not in a million years. Which, leads to where we are right now, walking aimlessly at night in New York._

_Marvelous._

_And the fact that she is still holding my hand is making everything worse! It is kind of making me lose my concentration and feel all funny inside. I need blood in my brain, not in the hand that she is holding; which, I'm pretty sure is where all my blood are all rushing to right now. Stupid fucking body._

"Hey! Stop, stop, just stop it! Where the hell are you taking me?" 

"Okay, Mrs. Aird, notice how I didn't answer you the first time around?" I turned to look at her. "Yeah, well, it wasn't an accident. I didn't answer because I have no fucking clue either. You asking me a million more times is not going to change it. Okay? So stop asking."

Her eyes widened in disbelief.

After a beat, bewildered, she stuttered, "What? Are yo-? What?"

Then her eyes flashed with anger and she turned around abruptly.

_What the heck is she doing?_

"Mrs. Aird, what the hell are you doing?" I shouted after her.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm fucking done with all of this. I'm walking home."

_Goddammit._

_I knew it. Fifteen minutes of us talking civilly without biting each other's head off was too good to be true. I fucking knew it._

"Oh yeah? Fine! Go on then. Walk home. Do whatever you want. I don't care!" I yelled out.

She flipped me off without turning around.

_Goddammit._

_What the fuck is this woman doing to me?_

I briefly closed my eyes to collect myself.

"Fuck it. Here goes nothing." I muttered under my breath.

"Okay, look, I'm sorry," I ran in front of her and grabbed her shoulders to stop her from moving any further away from me, "I shouldn't have said all that. I'm sorry. It's just that, I was already stressing out and then you with your incessant questioning were putting even more pressure on me. I mean, don't you agree? Don't you think you were being a bit annoying too, with the million questions and all that? Yeah?"

She narrowed her eyes ever so slightly.

"Okay okay, maybe not. It doesn't matter. The point is, I was a total dick. But would you please forgive me? Can we start over? I promise I'll behave this time." I cracked an awkward smile at her, trying, and maybe failing, to be as charming as possible. 

Carol ran a hand through her hair frustratedly.

But finally, she relented. "Okay, but only this one time. The next time you flip your shit for no apparent reason? I'm walking away and that's that."

"Fair enough." I nodded my head eagerly.

Then, to my utter surprise, she reached out to take my hand again.

Without delay, my smile turned into a full-blown grin and I didn't even bother to hide it.

_Get your shit together, Belivet. She is just holding your hand, it's not like she's asking you to marry her or anything. This is not sixth grade. Be cool._

"I just don't want to get lost," she explained shyly, a tinge of pink appeared on her cheek, "There are many people on the street tonight."

"Sure, sure. Of course. We wouldn't want to get lost now, would we?" I smirked and tightened my grip.

"Okay, since we are starting over, let me see if there's anything remotely interesting we can do for now," I glanced around, "Hmmmmm, what can we do what can we do what can we do," I chanted absentmindedly, "Oh! You didn't eat much at the dinner, right?"

"Just a bit. But to be honest, I'm perfectly fine. I don't feel like eating much tonight anyway," she shrugged.

"You know what, we're gonna change that. Let's go!"

When we were finally standing in front of our destination, which was just a mere few feet away, she looked at me as if I'd grown a second head.

"What? This? This?  _This?"_  she whispered hotly as the cook turned his head away for a second, "Are you serious?"

"Dead serious." 

"I'm not gonna eat that." She shook her head vigorously.

"You sure?"

She crossed her arms defiantly.

"Okay, fine, suit yourself. I'm ordering one anyway." 

As we sat down on a bench in the park nearby, she looked at me apprehensively as I eagerly chomped on my falafel sandwich.

"What?" I asked defensively, "I know it's from a food cart off of some shady corner of the street, which is, I acknowledge, far from the upscale restaurants that are probably your usual standards. But this is authentic New York street food okay? There's just something, _something_ about eating something this unhealthy and greasy and just, I don't know, sinfully gluttonous that is just soooooooo amazingly satisfying. I swear to you, life doesn't get any better than this. I'm not even kidding."

"You're full of surprises," she smiled sweetly.

"I can't believe you've never had this. Are you sure you're from New York?" I continued. 

She chuckled. "100%, believe it or not." 

"What?" I asked as I noticed her still looking at me weirdly. 

"Nothing, it's nothing."

"Come on, it's gotta be something." 

"It's just, I have never seen someone enjoy a sandwich, or anything really, as much as you do now."

I snickered, "Your Highness, I'm truly sorry for not even bother to pretend to be a little more ladylike."

"Don't be. I love it. It's adora- uhm, erm, refreshing."  

"Are you sure you don't wanna at least try? You can have some of mine." 

"I think I'm good," 

"Come on, don't knock it until you've tried it." 

"Okay," she relented, "maybe just one bite then."

I grinned victoriously. "That's my gir-I mean, that's the spirit!" 

I watched her face intensely as she gingerly took a small bite of the sandwich. 

"So? What do you think? Do you like it? Is it good? Of course it's good, right? I was right, right? Do you like it? Do you?" I asked anxiously. 

She put a finger up as she was still chewing, signaling me to calm the fuck down. 

And then her tongue darted out to wipe off some of the sauce on the corner of her lips and I swore to all that was Holy, that was the sexiest thing I'd ever seen in my life.

_Is it too crazy that I want to want to become a falafel sandwich right now?_

"Hmmmmm," she hummed appreciatively, "Not bad," 

My eyes were still firmly fixated on her lips, and I said, in a daze, "Huh?"

"I said not bad,"

_Goddamned lucky sandwich. What I wouldn't give right now-_

"Therese?"

That snapped me out of it. "Yes! Of course. Not bad huh? I told you so! Yes, yes, not bad at all. I did tell you that, didn't I? Erm-hmmm." I cleared my throat to cover up my silly slip-up.

"Are you always this distracted?" she chuckled.

"Only around you," I mumbled.

"What?"

"What?"

"Did you say something?"

"Who? Me? No I didn't say anything. Did you say something?"

"Okayyyy, you weirdo," she nudged me playfully and chuckled.

We sat in silence for awhile. Each of us lost in our own thoughts. It wasn't uncomfortable. In fact, it was the most peaceful I'd been in a long time. I decided that I like it. I really did. I liked sitting with Mrs. Aird.

If the world was to collapse right in this moment, I'd have been happy to die here with her by my side. 

And then I bursted out laughing as I noticed she was still devouring my falafel with gusto. "Look who's eating the damn thing now?"

She looked like a deer caught in the light. "Okay, I admit, it isn't as bad as I thought." 

"You're damn right it isn't."

She took another big bite and reluctantly handed it back to me. 

I laughed. "Nah, you can finish it. I had quite a bit to eat back at the gala already."

Her eyes lit up like a kid in a candy store, and she happily accepted my answer. 

She furrowed her brows as I reached out a hand to stop her, right before she took another bite. "Uh-uh, not so fast. You have to do one thing before you can finish it."

"And what's that?" she questioned cautiously.

"I was right, wasn't I?"

"About what?"

"I told you that you'd like it. And you do. So say it."

"Say what?" 

"Say I'm right."

"Haha, very funny."

"Well, maybe, but it wasn't a joke."

"Please tell me you're kidding."

"Uh-uh."

"Seriously?"

"Never had been more serious in my life." 

"Okay, you're ridiculous."

"Maybe, but I am also right. So suck it up and say it." 

"How old are you again?" 

"Alright fine. Do what you want, Mrs. Aird. If you don't say it, then I'll just have my sandwich back."

"I can't believe it, you're actually serious about this."

"Last chance to change your mind," I warned. "Alright, fine, I'll just go ahead and have the rest of this juicy, mushy, delicious, mouth watering sandwich then."

I opened my mouth as big as I could. "Any last word?" 

"Yes, you're a child." 

I winked and took a bite, carefully so that I only ate a small portion of it. "Hmmmmmmmm, so, so gooooooooood." 

Her mouth hung open and she muttered. "Unfuckingbelievable."

"Alright, I'm gonna take a second bite, still have nothing to say to me? 3....2.....1....."

"Fine, fine, fine, youwereright. Happy now?"

"What? What was that?"

"Youwereright." She muttered quickly under her breath. "Can I have the sandwich back?"

"No you can't. Absolutely not. It wasn't even a sentence. Say it again. Louder and clearer this time."

She sighed. "You were right."

"Who? Who were right?"

"You."

"Who?"

"So goddamn childish," she cursed under her breath, "Okay, fine. You, Miss Therese Belivet, 25 years old, employee of the New York Journal, native to New York, USA, and also, the rightful owner of this giant pain in my ass, is right. I do like this damn falafel sandwich."

"There we go!" I whistled victoriously, "Though, if we could lose the attitude a little bit, it would even be better." 

"In your dreams." She snatched the sandwich out of my hand. 

I laughed, extremely pleased with myself. "Who would have thought there would be a day which the mighty Carol Aird admit that she was wrong? And over what? A fucking sandwich?" I chuckled, "Huh, who would have thought, indeed."

"Get off the high horse, Ms. Belivet."

I chuckled and proceeded to watch her eat in silence.

If a month ago someone had told me that, someday, I would sit in a park with Carol Aird, teasing each other back and forth, I would have told them to go fuck themselves.

Life was indeed surprising.

"It's so beautiful tonight, don't you agree?"

She was looking up at the sky now. But I couldn't, for the life of me, bothered to look at anything else but her.

"Very beautiful, indeed."

She chuckled. "I meant the sky, Therese, the sky."

She then put both of her hands gently on my face and turned my head upwards. 

"You're right. It really is."

"Would be even more wonderful if we can see them without all the lights, right? I love New York and all that, but it really dulls out the magic of the sky." 

A light bulb went off in my head.

I glanced at my watch and stood up excitedly.

"Let's go! Come on, let's go. We can still make it if we hurry up."

"What? How? Where? Where are we going?"

"You'll see. You'll see." I could barely contain my excitement. Finally figuring where to take her to tonight made me extremely happy.

"Okay," she stood slowly up, "Lead the way, Ms. Belivet."

Not even bothering to explain herself this time, she held out her hand. And yes, you were goddamn right, I was more than fucking happy to take it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back, bitches!!!  
> Truly sorry for being MIA over a month. But you know, life sometimes gets in the way :(  
> But anyway, I'm back now and that's all that matters, right? lol  
> I was originally going to write their entire night in one chapter but then it got longer than I expected and I'd figure it would be better to divide it in two parts and therefore allowing me to update a bit earlier.  
> I hope you like it. And as always, take care until next time, my babies!


	12. "Date" Night - Part 2

“Here?” asked Carol, a look of puzzlement crossed her face.

“Here.”

"This?"

"This."

“Soccer?”

“Soccer.”

“12-year-olds?”

“12-year-olds.”

“W-“

“I’m just gonna stop you right there," I quickly interrupted, "Whatever questions you are coming up with, the answers are probably yes. So how about we just skip the questioning, and go straight into the stadium?”

“I don’t know if this is a good idea, Therese.” She rubbed the back of her neck nervously, “I know absolutely nothing about soccer. Hell, I barely know how to kick a ball.”

“Just...trust me, will you?” I said, taking her arm, "Come on, I promise you'll like it."

It took a little more convincing before she finally agreed. We proceeded to climb the stairs and settled into a quiet corner of the bleachers.

The game had already started a long time ago. It didn't matter. I wasn't here for the game anyway.

Carol looked around the soccer field warily. She probably had never stepped foot in one before. I decided that I liked it. I liked giving Mrs. Aird new experiences. It kinda made me feel really special in some way.

Yes, I know, I know. I'm freaking weird like that.

“Here.” I handed her a brown paper bag. We had stopped by a convenient store on the way here.

Her eyes widened, “What?”, she glanced sideways before leaning in and whispered in my ear hotly, “Now?"

“Yeah,” I replied casually.

"Here?"

"Where else?"

"But there are children around!"

"Oh loosen up, will you?” I chuckled.

“Therese, this is a public place.”

“Yeah? So? I don’t really care.”

“How can you just…not care?”

“Like this.” I shrugged, grabbed my own little brown bag, and proceeded to take a huge swig out of my beer inside. “Your turn," I challenged, "Show me you’re not the chicken I’ve always thought you to be.” 

She looked at me, at the bag, and then at me again. Then she mumbled “Fuck it” and proceeded to drink almost half of the can in one swig.

“Woahh slow down, tiger. I don’t want to have to drag you home again. Not in these.” I pointed at my heels.

Carol scrunched up her nose. “Are you kidding me? This?" she held up her bag, "This is child's play, okay? I know what I’m about, son.”

“Yeah, right," I chuckled, "Says someone who straight up passed out last time."

"It was one time, Belivet. One." She rolled her eyes.

"Mrs. Aird, do you know how difficult it is to carry you to my be-I mean, uhm, uh, apartment? I almost fell flat on my ass and cracked our heads open quite a few times.”

“Oh," she looked down, embarrassed, "I guess I haven't thought about that. I'm sorry Therese, I didn’t realize I was such an inconvenience.”

The sincerity in her voice was so sweet and tender and I felt my heart skipped a beat. Suddenly I felt like the biggest asshole for even bringing it up.

“No, don’t be. I can’t complain…’cause…you know…well….things…turned out to be…uh...quite… _interesting_ after that.” 

She snapped her head towards me, her mouth forming a little “o”.

“What?” She asked incredulously.

“What?”

“How could you say something like… _that_?”

"Like what?"

"That. I mean. Jesus." Her cheeks were now a brilliant red.

“Well, I _did_ like it."

"But you can't tell _me_ that."

"What was I supposed to do? Lie about it?”

“I-I-I-You-well…” she stammered for a bit and then just closed her mouth altogether.

"Stop making it weird!" I exclaimed.

"You're the one who made it weird first!" she argued.

"No, you are."

"No, you are!" 

"Carol, do you really want to continue?" I chuckled. "Because I could do this all night."

She huffed, drank down the last of her beer, and pretended to be interested in the opposite side of the field.   

I sat there staring into space for a while, sipping my beer, pretending to watch the game, when I heard Carol spoke again.

“I’ve never met anyone like you,” she announced out of the blue.

I furrowed my brows, “What do you mean?”

“You’re so frank and carefree and just so…unbelievably honest."

"Is that...a bad thing?"

"No, no," she said quickly, "It's just that...I've gotten used to people fake all the time around me, you know? It's sad to hear, but it's the truth," she thoughtfully cupped her chin in her hand, "Look, I know I am not the easiest person to be around, so they don't have to act like flowers come out of my ass, you know? It's just so...fucking phony because I know for a fact they talk behind my back all the damn time. It's almost insulting when they act like they're my best friends or something in front of my face. God. You have no idea how much I hate it," she screwed her eyes shut.

"But then...you come," as she opened her eyes again, the corner of her lips lifted upwards a little, "and you refuse to put up with my shit. And it's so refreshing and, and-"

"Carol, you look like you want to bite my head off every time we, to put it lightly, "disagree" on things."

She laughed, low and gentle. "Alright, I admit, it drives me up the fucking wall just about every single damn time. However, believe it or not, I do appreciate it, secretly." she winked at me.

"Whatever you say, Mrs. Aird, whatever you say," I smiled.

"So, Ms. Belivet, how come you don't kiss my ass?" She asked cheekily, "How come you get to be so different and cool? Come on, tell me your secrets."

"Mrs. Aird, there is no secrets,” I laughed, “The trick, if you can even call it that, is to have no filter at all. What comes in here," I tapped my finger against my temple, "goes out there, my brain literally has no self editing mechanism. Hell, it has always done me more harm than good, I don't even know why you like it! Do you know how many times I've gotten in trouble because of it? Let me tell you, a lot. And by a lot, I meant _a lot_. If there's one thing I could change about myself, it would be that, I think, I don't know." 

“Don’t. Don't you ever think like that again," She said firmly, "I like you just the way you are.”

Our eyes met and I was startled by the piercingly intense look in her eyes.

Before I could do something stupid, I forced myself to look away and changed the subject. “So, Mrs. Aird, I think it's about time you learned a thing or two about soccer.”

So Carol - the mighty Carol Aird, who seemed to know anything and everything in the world - obediently sat and listened to me explaining the rules of soccer.

If I was to wake up right now and everything turned out to be just a dream, it would have made perfect sense and I would have laughed it off and continued on with my day. Because, I mean, in what universe does this kind of thing happen? There is simply no reasonable explanation.

However, Carol was still here. She was really sitting besides me. Listening to me talking about soccer. _Freaking soccer._

All of this is real. Very real. For now.

Surprisingly, it didn't take a lot of explaining from me before Carol started to get engaged in the game.

Hell, If I didn't know any better, I would have thought that perhaps she was the parent of one of the kids on the team. That was how much she was into the game.

At one point, she shouted, “YES! That's how you do it! Wayyyy to go, Cooper!” She even stood up and clapped excitedly but then noticed everyone, including me, was looking at her strangely.

Slowly sitting back down, she asked cautiously, “Therese,"

"Yes, darlin'?" I teased.

"Why is everyone staring at me?”

I laughed a little. “He was offside, Carol.”

"Okay. Explain again. In English this time."

"It was a foul."

“A foul?”

“Yeah."

"But he scored! He did, he really did, you saw it too!" She gestured wildly towards the goal.

"It doesn't matter."

"What do you mean it doesn't matter? The ball was in the goal."

"Still, he was offside." I replied, shrugging my shoulders. "I didn't make the rules, Carol. That's just the way soccer is."

"Stupid soccer," she mumbled under her breath.

I chuckled. "Anyway, as for why people were staring at you, well, you were practically cheering for the kid fucking up."

"Oh god." Carol covered her face with both hands, horrified.

"Yeah, that was pretty mean and fucked up, Carol. I mean, even for you.” I pretended to shake my head in disappointment.

"Oh shut up," she elbowed me in the rib.

I laughed and handed her another beer. 

Except for a few casual comments here and there, we watched the rest of the game in silence. 

It was about 9 o'clock when the game finally ended. Carol was extremely satisfied since "her team" won.

One by one, everyone started to gather their belongings and shuffled out of the stadium.

Carol stood up and looked at me expectantly.

“Shall we go?” she asked impatiently, noticing that I hadn't moved an inch.

“Nope,” I said.

“What was that?”

“I said nope.”

“Nope?”

“Nope.”

“What the heck does "nope" mean?”

“It means no, we’re not going anywhere.”

“I know what it means, I just wanted to ask what the hell do you mean we’re not leaving? The game’s over. This place is gonna be closing in five minutes. Didn’t you hear the announcement?”

“Shhhhh…just sit down and stop talking. You’ll see.”

"But-"

"Shhhhhh..." I grabbed her hand and gave it a gentle tug, forcing her to sit down.

Carol reluctantly followed my order. Still, she kept glancing at me cautiously and sighing every ten seconds.

I ignored her and glanced at my watch. Everyone had already left and we were the only ones in the stadium now. When it was about 10 seconds away from 9:15, I started to count.

“10…”

“Hm?” Carol whipped her head back, asking.

“9…”

Clearly confused, she asked, “What the hell are you doing?”

I smirked and continued on without answering her, “8…”

“Are you counting down?”

“7…”

“What the heck are you counting down to??”

“6…”

“Therese, please talk to me.”

“5…”

“I’m so fucking lost.”

“4….”

“Please tell me you don’t have a bomb.”

“3…”

“Ah, Jesus Christ…”

“2…”

“If there is indeed a bomb, I just want to say that when we get to hell, I will find you and I will haunt you for the rest of our miserable ghost lives…”

“1…”

“Ah jeez there we go…”

pooooofff

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are bad news and good news.
> 
> The bad news is that I am an incompetent writer who is incapable of planning her writing in advance and it ends up being to freaking long to cram into two parts so now I have to make their "date" into three parts instead of the orginial two. It is starting to seem like their night just goes on and on and on for forever now, doesn't it?! I also want to apologize for the shortness of this chapter, I wasn't able to cut the chapters evenly so now this one ends up being a little too short, and the next one being a little too long. It's a fucking mess, I know!
> 
> But the good news is that I already have the next chapter written and ready to go so next update won't take forever (like it has for the couples of months lol). 
> 
> Anyway, the point is, I am a bad writer. You guys are the most amazing readers. I love you guys. Please don't leave me.


	13. "Date" Night - Part 3

“Ah!” Carol jumped in surprise.

I laughed at her scared expression.

“What happened?”

“This.” I waved my hand around.

“This?”

I nodded excitedly.

“But there’s nothing!" She shrieked, "The lights going off? That is the surprise? That is what the countdown was for? _That?_ "

"Yes, but don't y-"

"Are you kidding?" she continued, "Therese, I told you they were about to close the stadium, of course the lights are gonna be turned off! What’s so goddamned special ab-“

“Shhhhhhh…Carol, calm down…”

“Stop telling me to calm down." She pouted, "Have you noticed that telling someone to calm down always have the opposite effec-“

I decided to give up trying to explain to her with words. Instead, I reached out to grab her face in my hands and forced her to look up. “This…I meant _this_ , Carol.”

“What the hell are you-"

Her mouth suddenly dropped and she stopped talking altogether. 

After a few moments and she still remained silent, her back turning away from me, I was suddenly worried that I had offended her somehow.

"Carol?" I tentatively touched her shoulder, "Is...is everything okay?"

Still no answer.

"Shit, I'm sorry, I probably should have talked to you first or something. Don't be angry? I swear I meant well, I-I-I really did." I stuttered, "Carol, please, say something, you're scaring me."

Very slowly, she turned to face me, her eyes big and tender.

"I...I...don't know what to say, Therese. Thank-thank you." She whispered softly.

My entire body was overcome with the wonderful sense of relief. I felt like laughing and crying at the same time.

 _She doesn't hate it. She likes it. She likes me. **Well, technically...no**_. _Shut up!_  

"Come on," I smiled, "It's even more amazing down there." I grasped her hand and led her down the bleachers, straight to the middle of the field.

Without wasting much time, I took off my heels and laid down on the cool summer grass.

Only then did I realize that I had forgotten to factor in one single, but rather large, problem. 

_**You stupid fuck! How could you even be this stupid? You don't care about dirtying your dress, well, yeah, 'cause it is dirt cheap anyway. But Carol? Look at her dress. Look at her fucking dress, shithead! Do you see that? See how fancy and beautiful and expensive it is? How it fits her in all the right places?**  Hmmm...you're right. It does fit her in all the right places. Gosh, she's so fucking sexy I coul- **Stop ogling her cleavage and focus on the matter at hands you shameless little pervert!** Alright alright! Jeezz...someone's testy tonight! _

_**Oh. My. God.** Wh-What? What now? **You're not gonna believe this, but her dress even sparkles and shit. It fucking sparkles, Belivet! Jesus Christ, this thing probably costs more than all of your clothing combined!**  I can't believe I'm actually agreeing with you for once. Shit!  **And you want her to lie down on the dirty ass grass like you, you filthy animal? You're asking her to ruin her dress? And for what? A shitty five minute star-gazing experience? Oh man, this is gonna be fun to watch.**  Hey! It's not shitty! She said she likes it, so...joke's on you. **Oh, Belivet, you poor naive lovesick child.**  Shut up, I'm not lovesick! **Of course not. Of course not.**  Goddammit. As always, all you do is come and say stupid shit instead of doing anything remotely useful for both of us. So - thank you. Thank you so fucking much, dickhead. **Always happy to help, Belivet.** Oh piss off you wanker. _

"Shit, I'm sorry." I blurted, "I didn't know what I was thinking. Of course you can't lay down, your dress would be all ruined." I hung my head in shame. "This is not gonna work. I'm sorry, Carol. Let's just go back up, the bleachers are good enough."

To my utter surprise, I looked up to see her smiling a crooked smile so beautiful that I could only stare at her like an idiot.

"Uh-uh," she shook her head, "Screw that, I'm getting the full experience."

She then followed my lead, taking off her heels, and laying down next to me without a single care in the world.

"Dressed be damned," she sighed happily.

My mouth dropped. And I swear to God, it took all the the strength I had not to kiss the hell out of her in that moment.

But I wasn't sure she would want that.

And I wasn't sure I would want that either.

I mean, of course I _wanted_ to kiss her. But what if she went back and pretended like nothing happened again? I don't think I could take it this time.

So I settled for a smile.

A simple, uncomplicated, and stupid smile.

“Look at that,” I said as I admired the sky up above, “I know it's still not the best view, but it's the best I can do. There's no telescopes and it's all blurry and shitty but at least when the stadium's lights are all turned off you can see the stars a bit more clearly. Not by much, but still." I suddenly felt self-conscious. "Shit, maybe I should have taken you to-" 

"Therese," she quickly interrupted my nervous babbling.

"Yes?"

"Shut up." She smiled and squeezed my hand reassuringly, "It's perfect."

A crazy impulse to reach over and touch, to stroke her gorgeous face just once in the darkness, nearly overwhelmed me.

 

* * *

 

I didn't know how long we laid there, just soaking up the moonlight, talking quietly the whole time.

Time tends to move slowly when you're enjoying yourself.

At one point, Carol grabbed and read my palm. In a totally serious voice, she predicted that I would live to ninety-five, have seven children, and die in a traffic accident.

"Not a bad life," I said.   

The sound of Carol's airy laugh that followed echoed freely across the empty field.

"Aside from reading palms," I smiled, "what other talents do you have? Wait, do you also know how to read the constellations?”

“Sadly, no,” she replied.

“Well, I do."

"Really?" asked Carol, impressed.

"Yeah, look, do you see those bright spots over there?” 

"Uhhhhh-kind of? Which one?”

I lifted a finger and pointed them out to her.

"Oh yes, yes, I see them now."

“That’s the Ursur minor. Above that is the Ursur major. These are the easiest to spot because they can be seen year round.”

“Hmmm, interesting.” 

“And the one that’s next to it, the one that is kinda shaped like two fish, you see that?" She strained her eyes hard for awhile before nodding excitedly, "That one is Pieces. According to Greek myth, in order to escape the monster Typhon, Aphrodite and her son Eros have to turn themselves into a fish and swim away. They are later honored by being placed in the heavens as the constellation that you are looking at right now, forever immortalized in the sky.”

She stared tenderly at me for a few seconds before looking back up at the sky above us.

“That's kinda sad and beautiful at the same time."

"I suppose."

"What else? Tell me more.”

“Those flickering spots over there, to your left? Those are the Taurus."

"Are you...sure?"

"Of course."

"I thought Taurus is only visible during winter or something."

"Nah that's totally Taurus."

"Are you really sure? Doesn't really look like it, though?"

Gasping, I put a hand over my heart, as if I was insulted, "Mrs. Aird, are you questioning my intelligence?" 

"No, no! Not at all. No no, I was just wondering -"

I laughed, interrupting her adorable fumbling.

"Bastard," she poked me in the rib. "So, assuming it is really Taurus...what's its story?"

"When Zeus fell in love with Princess Europa, he transformed himself into a white bull with golden horns to whisk her away to Crete."

"Oh, how romantic."

"If Zeus only did that for Europa, then sure, I suppose it's kinda romantic in some twisted way." I shrugged, "But with Zeus pulling this crazy shit all the time, it kind of loses its novelty, don't you think?"

Carol laughed. "Miss Therese Belivet, always thinking too deeply for her own good."

I smiled at her remark.

It was a while before I spoke again, "Normally, you wouldn’t be able to spot this many constellations because of the clouds, the trees, and us being in the city and all that. But tonight is a particularly clear sky."

"Look, Mrs. Aird," I continued, "what I’m trying to say is, on a special night such as this, no one should be sad. You especially. Not when the stars have aligned themselves so spectacularly like this.”

The breathtaking smile reappeared, “Really?”

“No. I just made all of that up."

Her eyes widened in disbelief. "What? What? What do you mean?"

"I don't know jack shit about the sky."

"Nooooooo..." She started to shake her head slowly.

"I'm sorry," I grinned. Not sorry at all.

"Even the constellations?"

"Even the constellations," I confirmed. "I mean, of course, look at them. They all look the same. How the fuck is one supposed to tell them apart? Who the hell do you think I am, an astronaut?”

She froze for a few seconds and then bursted out laughing so hard she snorted a little. And for some reason, I found that incredibly adorable. 

"You little fucker, you really had me there!" she exclaimed.

I grinned mischievously, "I was good, wasn't I?"

"You were, you really were."

“Sorry to break it to you, Carol, but the sky is just the same old boring sky tonight. Just like any other night. The thing is, the sky doesn’t give a shit about you, Carol." I said, telling her the truth, but with a smile. Carol smiled, too. She looked good when she smiled.

"Well, thanks for putting it so elegantly, Ms. Belivet."

"But I do.” I continued.

“Now, I'm not saying that you're lying," she put her hands up, "but didn't you just said you hated me this morning?”

“Yeah, well. A lot of things have happened in between. A lot of things have happened tonight.”

She flashed me a sweet smile, "It's true."

“Hey, at least I care enough to make all of that space shit up.” I joked, trying to lighten the mood.

Her eyes sparkled, crinkling around the edges, "You're right. And although all of that was just you bullshitting all the way through, that's got to be the nicest thing anybody's done to me in the past year," she said. And then, very softly, she added, "No one has ever cared that much before." 

My cheeks burned and I averted my eyes.

It was a while before she spoke again.

"Did you make up all the myths that go along with the constellations, too?"

"Nope, that part is fortunately accurate."

"So...let's see if I got this right. You know every myth that comes with the constellation, but not the constellations themselves?"

"Pretty much."

"Why? Isn't it supposed to be the other way around? Become fascinated with the constellations first, and then wanting to find out more about its origins?"

"Well, my Astronomy professor was pretty cute."

"What?"

"Mrs. Owens, I still remember her name." I smiled, remembering back to when I was just a junior in college, "My friend Dannie was in her class so I tagged along with him one day, just for the heck of it, you know? But she just happened to be so adorable and passionate talking about the stars that I found myself keep coming back afterwards."

"Oh, that's rather...unexpected."

"So even though I couldn't have cared less about astronomy, I went to all of her class and aced all of my tests just to impress her. Observation nights, you know, the ones where you actually go and look at the stars? Well, they are a different story. The guy in charged of that section was a real bore, so naturally, I skipped those nights," I grinned, "And that, Mrs. Aird, that's the story of how I become sky-blind."

Carol laughed and then, as if she'd just remember something, she stopped and turned to face me. 

"Just one last thing. So, this Mrs. Owens," She narrowed her eyes just a bit, "Is she...hmmm...still in the picture?" 

I threw my head back and laughed. "God, Carol. I don't even think she knew who I was. I was just a quite and shy little kid back then. So yes, she is definitely out of the picture."

Seemingly satisfied with my answer, Carol nodded her heads a few times and drank her third beer.  

We fell back into comfortable silence. The vast, seemingly empty, space was filled with glittering, diamond-like stars. I had never noticed how lovely the night sky was. Each twinkling star seemed to be in its proper place, filling empty spaces. Shadowy, ribbon-like clouds were flowing around the full moon. The moon, the stars, the streaming clouds, everything glowed with it’s own ominous light. With Carol lying besides me, everything was perfect.

I hadn't felt so ridiculously happy and peaceful like this in a long time; as a matter of fact, I had never felt like this, ever, so my eyes started to droop and I almost fell asleep.

But her next words sobered me up instantly. Very softly, barely above a whisper, she told me that Rindy was angry at her. I asked her who Rindy was.

"My daughter. She's nine years old. Very bright. Very sweet. She's the best thing I am lucky enough to call my own." She was obviously proud of daughter, that I could easily surmise from the way her eyes lit up as she talked about the kid.

"So...Rindy...why is she angry with you?" I asked tentatively. I was suddenly afraid she would vanish with the slightest touch.

Carol closed her eyes and sighed heavily, "Things haven't been so...great between me and Harge, that's my husband. We have been fighting constantly for the past few months. And then, a few nights ago, I finally said it. I decided I have had enough. I told him I wanted a break. And of course she had to be back from school early that day. Of course she had to hear it."

A beat, before she spoke again, this time with a pained expression on her face that was just about to break my heart. "She thinks it is all my fault. That it is me who stops loving him. It is me who wants to tear the family apart."

"Oh, Carol."

"And you know what's the saddest part about all of this?" She paused, and for a brief moment her stunning face was unexpectedly vulnerable, "She and I had never fought before. She's the greatest kid in the world. But now, because of this, she has been avoiding me all week. And this morning..." Her voice broke. "...this morning...she told me that she hated me. Straight to my face."

I took her hand and pressed it tightly over my heart. I don't know. My dad usually did this whenever I cried, back when he was still alive, and it had always managed to comfort me.

"It kills me to know that she thinks I am the bad guy. Ha," she laughed humorously, "she has no idea."

So that was the reason why she was sad tonight. That was the reason why she cried all alone on the balcony tonight. It all made sense now.

I wanted to take all the pain away from this fragile angel. Wanted to shield her from all the sad things in this world. Wanted to make her happy again, even if it took everything I had.

But most of all, I wanted to ask her things. Things that even I was afraid to ask. Things that I may or may not like the answers. But I had to know.

But I knew it wouldn't happen. Not like this. It had to come from her. She would only reveal what she wanted me to see.

Knowing Carol, everything had to be on her own terms. I just had to be patient.

So patient I would be.

"I'm sorry," I finally managed to say, "Give her time, she's probably just hurt and confused right now. I'm sure she'll come around eventually."

"You think so?" Her voice was small and hopeful.

"I know so." I said quietly as I traced little circles over her knuckles .

And then our moment was broken as I heard screaming somewhere across the field. 

"HEY! What the hell are you two doing here?"

"Fuck," I shot straight up, "Carol, we have to get the fuck out of here, now!"

"What? What's happening?"

There was no time to explain so I pulled her up, grabbed my shoes in one hand, her hand in the other, and headed straight to the other side of the field, "Come on, Carol! Quick, quick!"

"What about the empty beer cans? We can't leave them there!"

Is this woman for real? We are two seconds from getting caught and she's worrying about the environment?

"Oh! The beer cans. Of course! How could I forget about the freaking empty beer cans?! Stupid, forgetful me!" I exclaimed, "Come on, Carol, quick, let's pick them up, and then we can skip and hop and bounce to the other side of the freaking stadium where the trash can is. And, and, and we'll even sort them out and put them in the right trash cans because recycling is all the fucking rage right now! Right, right? Protect Mother Earth and all that jazz, yeah?"

She narrowed her eyes at me, "You know, Therese, a simple "no" would have sufficed."

"Leave them!" I shouted.

Because we wasted so much time arguing, the guard was now really close, only 10 feet away or something.

"HEY! DON'T MOVE! STOP RIGHT THERE! HEY! HEY! Goddammit I said stop!"

We started to run for our lives. I couldn't hear anything except for the blood coursing through my ears. I could literally feel the adrenaline pumping through my veins. It was fucking wild.

Lucky for us, the guy was kinda out of shape so in a short time, we managed to put some distance between us. Not much, but just enough for me to notice a slightly ajar door behind the bleachers.

"Carol, get in here!" 

As I closed the door shut, I realized that it led to nowhere and there were tools lying haphazardly all over the tiny space. Probably a janitor closet.

We were panting so hard and drops of sweats were beginning to run down our temples.

And then out of fucking nowhere, Carol started to giggle, low at first and then it got louder and louder. And no matter how much I whisper-screamed at her to cut it out, she wouldn't stop.

I, on the other hand, was scared shitless about getting caught. So I clasped my hand over her mouth and whispered, "Shhhh, Carol, I'm happy that you haven't lost your sense of humor in this dark hour, but you need to shut the fuck up, like right now. Seriously."

That did the trick, because she stopped laughing immediately. That, or the fact that heavy steps could be heard right outside our door. He was close. Both of us held our breaths.

He lingered outside for a bit before cursing a storm. And then the steps were further and further away until we could not hear them anymore.

A few moments later, Carol tilted her head back and let out a hearty laugh.

I still didn't find anything funny about almost getting caught and thrown out of here, but her laugh was incredibly contagious and soon enough, I found myself laughing as well.

So yeah, that's the story how we literally stood there in the tiny janitor closet, which was only dimly lit by the moonlight outside, and laughed hysterically like two freaking lunatics.

As the giggles died down, I realized that my hands were still pressed against her face. And that her beautiful face was just inches from mine.

Her breathing quickened as my hand involuntarily slid down to her neck.

My heart stopped beating.

She looked into my eyes, and I into hers.

Without a word, I put my arm around her and kissed her. The slightest twinge went through her shoulders, and then she relaxed and closed her eyes for several seconds. The early summer moon cast the shadow of her lashes on her cheek, and I could see it trembling in outline.

It was a soft and gentle kiss, one not meant to lead beyond itself. I would probably not have kissed her that day if we hadn’t spent the evening on the field in the moonlight, drinking beer and watching the stars, and she no doubt felt the same.

But as with all kisses, it was not without a certain element of danger.

The first to speak was Carol. She held my hand and told me, with what seemed like some difficulty, that she was married, with a child.

I told her I already knew that.

“And you have a boy that you love.”

It wasn’t a question. It was simply a statement.

All I wanted to tell her was that it didn't matter. That nothing in my life mattered as much as the way she looked tonight, slightly out of breath, hair sticking up all over the place with a few pieces of grass stuck in between, lipstick messily smeared after our wondrous kiss, or the way that she held my hand, still holding, tight and secure and certain, like she would drown if she was to let it go.

I wanted to tell her all of that. And more. Much more. 

But what's the point anyway?

Who am I to her?

Just some silly young girl who has a knack for always being around her when she's at her most vulnerable. 

She doesn't like me.

Not in _that_ way.

I lifted my eyes to hers.

The way she was looking at me now told me that she both wanted me to confirm and deny it. 

She was afraid, I could tell.

So, as hard as it was, I swallowed all my feelings inside. And then I gave her my answer.

An answer that wouldn't complicate things for her. For us. 

A lie.

“Yes, I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OooooOOOOOoooooOoh, angst alert! 
> 
> Hmmmm....will the angst continue or it will end right there? Who knows? What do YOU guys want? *winky wink*
> 
> As always, you're the champions in my heart, dear beloved readers. I love each and every single one of you. Take care and stay tuned until next time.


	14. Envy

**\- Monday -**

"Ex-excuse me!" I shouted urgently as the elevator was about to close and go up. "Can you wait a second?"

A hand reached out to hold the door open.

I sighed in relief, waiting for another elevator while struggling to keep the packages from slipping out of my hands would have been a real treat. I carefully stepped inside and smiled at the good Samaritan who was nice enough to wait for me. "Thank you so much. Usually people jus-" 

My eyes shot wide open.

"Ms. Belivet." She greeted politely. "Would you like some help?" Carol nodded towards the high stack of papers that was dangerously balanced on my clumsy hands.

"Uhhhh-" I hesitated. "It's okay. I'm goo-"

_**THUD** _

The elevator jerked unexpectedly. Anddddddd cue the fucking papers flying everywhere. _Lovely_.

I cursed myself internally.

"Let me hel-"

"I've got thi-"

"Ouch" We cried out simultaneously when our heads accidentally, and quite forcefully, bumped as we both crouched down to pick up the scattering papers.

"Fuck!" Panicked, I blurted, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Don't worry about it." She brushed it off.

"Are you sure? My friends have complained about how hard this," I tapped to my own head sheepishly, "can be."

"Really, Therese, I'm fine." 

"Okay, if you insist."

Then, despite my protests, she insisted on helping me gather and carry the papers to wherever I needed to go. It was not for my own benefit, she told me. It would have made the company look very unprofessional if we have papers flying everywhere every ten seconds, which, was bound to happen if I were to carry them alone.

I relented, but not without a perfect half rotation eye roll.

We rode the rest of the long and slow elevator in complete silence. I tried not to look at her by standing as close to the corner as possible, staring fixedly at the wall like a fucking social retard. 

But no matter how much I tried not to, I still found myself stealing little glances of her.

She was discreetly rubbing her forehead - which had turned a little red because of our earlier accident.

"Carol, I'm sorry." I asked, worried. "Are you sure you're o-"

"I'm fine, Therese." She quickly cut me off. "Stop apologizing." 

"Okay, sorry. I mean, not sorry. No. I didn't mean it like that. What I meant to say was....errrr...sorry. Fuck!"

_Why do I always seem to lose the ability to speak whenever she's around? It's become goddamned ridiculous at this point._

_And how longer does this fucking elevator need to take before I kill myself?_

I heard snickers behind me, so I turned around and caught her trying to suppress a laugh.

When she saw me looking, she quickly faked a cough to cover it up and looked down. 

I slowly turned my back to her. A smiled crept across my face.

* * *

**\- Tuesday -**

"Spill."Genevieve demanded as she made herself comfortable, without my invite, in the chair in front of my desk.

"First of all, you need to take your leg off of my desk, you animal." I chuckled as I pushed her leg off my desk. I sighed when she wouldn't budge. "Second of all, what the hell do you mean?"

"Jesus, not this again, Belivet. Are we even friends? You never seem to know anything every time I ask. Every single fucking time!" She threw her hands up exasperatedly, "Stop playing dumb with me."

"I'm not!"

"Okay, I'll give you a clue then."

"Please do." I quipped.

"Carol," She paused for dramatic effects, "Aird."

"What about her?"

"Don't tell me there's nothing going on between you two."

"There isn't." I told her nonchalantly, even though my stomach fucking did a backflip the moment her name was mentioned.

"I know you, Belivet. And I know when something's up. Something's definitely up between you two."

"Genevieve, I don't want to be rude, but you're being quite ridiculous."

"Uh-uh. Something's changed. The way she looks at you. I can't tell exactly what it is, but there's something, somethi-."

"You're imagining things." I quickly cut her off before she got too close to the truth.

"I'm not. It's almost as if she's too shy to look at you. Which is fucking weird, because we all know,"Genevieve looked sideways to make sure no one was listening in our conversation before whispering the next part, "Carol fucking Aird cannot be shy. She's incapable of human emotions, remember?" She laughed.

"Hey, that's not nice," I said defensively. "Yo-We don't know her well."

She stopped laughing and looked at me inquisitively. "Okay, now I know something's definitely up. Are you actually defending her? I mean, what the fuck, Belivet?"

"I'm not defending her." I said quickly. "I'm just being polite, which you should be too, you know?" 

"Bullshit."

I sighed. "Is there anything else you need, Viv? Because I am rather busy right now."

"Did you catch her doing something she wasn't supposed to do?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" 

"Like cheating or something?" She wondered out loud.

My cheeks burned. "Wh-what! That's totally ridiculous! How would I kno-I mean, she and I don't even hang out. We never-I don't have time for this kindergarten gossip, Viv!" I tried to deter her line of questioning by acting angry and offended instead of blabbering like a fool.

"Alright, chill, Belivet. No need to get all defensive." She put her hands up.

"I'm not defensive," I grumbled, "I just don't see how this has anything to do with me."

"Alright. So she doesn't cheat. Not that we know of. So why the strange acting?" She cupped her chin in her hand and looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully.

"There's no strange acting. Stop making shit up."

"Did you sleep with her husband, then?"

"Get out."

"Alright, alright," she put her hands up and laughed, "Worth a try, though."

"You're unbelievable. I'm gonna get back to my work and ignore you now." I looked away and began typing unintelligently.

She studied my face intently for a few seconds, before finally standing up. "Alright, I'll let it go...for now. But you're not fooling anyone, Belivet. Something's definitely up. And I'm going to find out what it is, with or without your help." She blew me a kiss before finally leaving me alone.

The moment she was out of the door, I buried my face in my hands and repressed the overwhelming need to scream.

This was going to be a long day.

* * *

**\- Wednesday -**

"Therese Belivet!"

I locked my car and turned around.

"Mr. Walker! Good morning, sir." 

"I haven't seen you around much lately, how have you been doing?" Mr. Walker quickly caught up with me and we fell into an easy pace as we walked into the building together.

"Everything's great, sir. I mean, I'm doing exactly what I'd been dreaming about doing ever since I was ten years old," I beamed, "So really, there's nothing to complain." 

He smiled kindly, "Good, good. I'm so glad to hear that. Exceptional job on the Governor's case, by the way. Everyone was incredibly impressed." He reached out and patted my back encouragingly.

I blushed a deep red. "Thank you so much, Mr. Walker. It means a lot coming from you."

"Just continue what you're doing and you'll climb to the top in no time. I have great confidence in you, Therese, you're gonna make a name of yourself soon."

"I promise to try my best, sir." My cheeks were burning, I wouldn't be surprised if they caught fire. If you hadn't noticed, I don't really do too well with praises and compliments.

"I'm so glad I gave the promotion to you." He continued.

"I feel like I haven't thanked you enough. I mean, if it hadn't been for that promotion-"

He laughed. "Oh come on, you shouldn't be thanking anyone. You've proven yourself times after times and it was long overdue. You've earned it yourself!"

"But still, thank you so much, sir."

"Alright, if you insist," He smiled kindly. "But really, you shouldn't be thanking me. If you feel like you absolutely need to have someone to express your gratitude to, it should be Mrs. Aird."

"What do you mean?"

"Mrs. Aird, you should thank her."

"Why?" I blurted, "I mean, I thought you were the one who made the decision."

"I was. But Mrs. Aird was the one who came up to me and recommended you the moment Mr. Wilson was let go. I was, I'm very ashamed to admit it now, a little bit apprehensive at first. I mean, you understand, right? Josh and Ryan have been working here longer than you, and then we also have a plethora of applications from everywhere."

"Yes, sir. I understand, absolutely, completely, yes," I nodded many times, wishing he would hurry up to the part I wanted to hear most. 

"But then Carol just straight up waltzed into my office and demanded that you should be given the job. I told her I couldn't just do that. We have to have a long interviewing process and then I have to discuss it with the other editors and t-

"It's a very long and exhausting process, I know, I know,"

_Did I just fucking cut off my Editor in Chief?_

"Okay, so I explained that to her, but she would have none of it. And, in her words, she said "Oh to hell with your goddamn process Art." He chuckled, "Then she told me that it would only be a waste of time because you would be passing all of the interviews anyway. We may as well skip the conventional process and give you the job straight away. I mean, she was very convincing, and she did make a valid point you know?"

Then he lowered his voice, "She also wouldn't take no for an answer and that woman can be goddamned intimidating when she wanted to be so really, what choice did I have? None!" He laughed heartily. 

"She...really said all of that?"

"Yes. She vouched for you and everything."

"She did?" I frowned, completely puzzled by what he had revealed.

"You bet your ass she did. You must have been one hell of an assistant, Therese. I had never seen Carol done that for anyone."

My head was whirling. Why would Carol do that?

Carol?

Carol Aird?

 _My_ Carol?

I've always thought she hated me. Well, up until 2 weeks ago, that is.

Why would she talk me up to Mr. Walker?

Why would she demand him to give me the job?

Why would she go out of her way to help me?

Had she always liked me? All this time?

No, it couldn't be. 

It just couldn't.

The way she acted since I started working for her...no. I had been absolutely sure she thought I was the scum of the earth or something. 

But then again, if she had hated me, she wouldn't have done any of this.

_I'm so fucking confused._

_I don't know anything anymore._

_Nothing makes sense._

And then all the blood drained from my face as the memories of _that night_ came rushing back.

Oh god, the things I'd said to her in my apartment that night.

Oh god.

Oh god.

There was so much shouting.

So much anger.

So much hatred.

So much resentment.

So many accusations.

 _Wrong_ accusations.

Oh God, I was so wrong. So, so wrong.

Why didn't she say anything back then? Why didn't she defend herself? Why didn't she slap me? Hell, I would have slapped myself! I damn well deserved that.

There were so many questions that I didn't even know where to begin.

_What does one do with this type of information?_

I almost wished he hadn't told me any of this.

It was already hard to get her off my mind.

I didn't need this.

I didn't need to see how she stands up for me.

I didn't need to see how she values me as an employee.

I didn't need to see how much she cares for me.

I wanted to forget her.

And as if it was not already fucking hard enough, she had to go and do things like this.

Why couldn't she just be the monster I made her out to be all those months ago?

Why couldn't she be a dick to me?

Why did she have to be so fucking good to me?

Fuck her.

* * *

**\- Thursday -**

I was supposed to write another piece about a new bill that was about to be passed by the Senate. I didn't have much time, it was due at the end of today.

I should have started on it immediately.

I should have put all my time and focus on this article.

And I should have written half of it by now.

Those were the things I should have been doing.

Do you know what is the one thing I _**shouldn't**_ be doing, though?

Daydreaming.

Yep, daydreaming was the last thing I needed to do.

But intelligence and time-management had never been my strongest suits, because that was exactly what I was doing right now. Daydreaming. About you-know-who.  

Despite my better judgement, I found my brain involuntarily drifting back to our date last week.

After my "confession", she had remained silent for a long time, looking away from me, before finally telling me that it's best we stopped seeing each other like that.

I had agreed, reluctantly.

We needed distance.

She needed to take care of her family.

Having a fling with a subordinate who also happens to be 15 years your junior was the last thing she needed.

There were too many things at stake for her. 

She couldn't risk losing them.

It wouldn't be fair for both of us.

We needed to stop this thing, whatever it was between us, once and for all.

I knew that, but it didn't mean I have to like it.

The childish part of me wanted to steal her away. It wanted to tell her that it can make her happy. It wanted her to believe that with it, she'll never have to shed another tear again. It wouldn't let it happen, not if it can help it. It wanted to tell her to give it a chance.

It just wanted her all to itself. 

But the logical part of me grounded myself. It wouldn't allow me to say the words I wanted to say the most. It knew nothing good would come out of this.

It knew that it needed to leave her alone.

For her sake.

But most importantly, it just wanted to protect me.

It knew I would never be with Carol. It knew I would never have her. Not in this life, and not in the next.

She was simply too good for me. Way out of my league.

She would never love me the way I wanted her to. 

Maybe she felt something for me right now; but that didn't mean anything. Just a little crush.

One morning she would wake up and it would be gone, just as suddenly as when it came.

And then she would go back into his arms. She would forget me soon enough.

And I would die a thousand deaths when that happened.

Because for me, it was different.

I had been in denial for a long time. But no more denying. I knew it now.

I'm falling for her.

Hard.

And I knew, unlike her, the feelings I had were not some infatuation. They were real. And they would not go away anytime soon. 

And that's why I knew I wouldn't be able to stand her rejection. 

It would kill me, I just knew it.

So, like a true coward, I'd rather save her the awkwardness and me the pain by burying all my feelings and hiding my heart away. 

I won't let her reject me.

I won't let her destroy me.

I just won't.

I would let her go, I'd decided. Which was kinda funny, because I never had her in the first place. 

 

* * *

**\- Friday -**

Fuck complications.

Fuck lying.

Fuck protecting my own heart.

What use would it have if it can't be with the one it wants?

I'd had enough of this.

I had to tell her how I feel.

I had to fight for her.

I had to put myself out there.

I couldn't keep hiding like this.

This is not living.

I needed to man the fuck up and tell her how I really felt.

I don't know what she would say. I don't know what she would do. But I knew I had to at least try, or else I would always wonder for the rest of my life.

With my newfound confidence, I smiled and headed straight to her office.

I don't even know what I'll say. I don't even know what I'll do. I haven't prepared a fucking thing.

But the thought of waiting, even just a second longer, was unbearable.

I wanted to see her now.

I _needed_ to see her now.

I'm sure I'll think of something in there.

I thought briefly about reapplying my lipstick as I made my way to her but figured it would take too much time. Besides, what's the point?

If she said yes, I'm sure I wouldn't be able to resist from kissing the hell out of her and then the lipstick would be smeared anyway. And God forbid, if she said no, who the fuck cares about lipstick when you cry your eyes out?  I'm sure I would look ugly with or without it anyway.

Before I knew it, I was already standing in front of her office.

"Hey Amanda, is Mrs. Aird in there?" I craned my neck and tried to look into her office to see if she was in there but her blinds were drawn today so I couldn't see anything.

"Hi, Ms. Belivet. I'm sorry but Mrs. Aird has been out of the office since 11." She glanced at the clock, "But she should be back soon."

"How soon?"

"Probably 5, 10 minutes tops. Would you like to wait or leave a message?"

"I'll wait." I smiled at Amanda. And when I went to sit down at the nearby waiting chair, I smiled at Ryan who was working in the next cubicle. I also smiled at Hugh from across the room.

I fucking smiled at everyone. 

It was like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders the moment I decided to just go with the flow and do whatever my heart desires.

I liked this. I liked being happy. I liked doing whatever I desired.

As I waited for Carol, I made some mindless small talk with Amanda. 

Carol had been kinder these days, Amanda told me. And she finally got Carol's coffee order right. On Monday, instead of flipping out when Amanda forgot to mention her meeting had been rescheduled to 3 instead of 2, Carol had simply shrugged her shoulders and assured a hysteric Amanda it was okay. That she wouldn't be fired.

Amanda told me she was so ecstatic that she and Mrs. Aird was finally bonding. I laughed and wished her all the best.

And then something caught my eyes, which was pretty understandable, I mean, the thing was fucking huge, I was surprised I didn't see it when I first walked in.

"Is it your birthday today?" I asked.

"Hm?" Amanda looked up from her notes, "No, I don't think so. Why you ask?" She frowned.

I pointed excitedly towards the gigantic bouquet of roses situated on the corner of her desk.

"Oh, that." She chuckled.

"Yeah, _that_." I smiled. "So...not birthday? Anniversary then?"

"Yes, anniversary."

"Jesus, look at the size of that thing, Amanda," I said, "Your guy must be heads over heels in love or something," I chuckled.

"Oh, I wish," she sighed dramatically. "But it's not for me, Ms. Belivet."

"What do you mean?"

"Unfortunately, my boyfriend is the most boring and unromantic guy in the whole world. He says flowers are the worst gifts anyone could come up with." She rolled her eyes sarcastically, "Why do you want something so expensive that dies 2 days later?" he once told me. Gosh, can you even believe him? He just doesn't understand, or he just refuses to, you know? Sometimes a girl just wants to feel appreciated..."

Amanda went on and on about her boyfriend but all I could hear was my own heart's erratic beating.

"Amanda," I finally interrupted her musings, "If it's not from your boyfriend, then whose is it?"

I almost didn't want to ask. Because I felt like I already knew the answer.

But like a true masochist, I wanted to hear the words with my own ears anyway.

"It's from Mr. Aird. Don't you know? It's their 10th anniversary today!" Amanda exclaimed cheerfully, "She is so lucky it's almost unfair, you know? Great job, beautiful body, and, to top it off, she has the most romantic and dashing husband in the city. Oh, to be Mrs. Aird!" Amanda sighed wistfully.

I swallowed hard. Suddenly I didn't feel too good anymore.

"When you said Mrs. Aird is out," My voice was trembling a bit now, "Does it mean she's...with-"

"Oh, there she is! Speaking of the devil," Amanda laughed.

I turned my head and the sight that greeted my eyes almost broke my heart in half. 

There she was.

Gorgeous as ever.

Elegant as ever.

Breathtaking as ever.

My heart still skipped a beat at the mere sight of her. 

Nothing seemed to be out of the norm.

Except for the person walking besides her.

Harge Aird.

The infamous Mr. Aird.

I hated him almost instantly.

The way he walked.

The way he talked.

The way he dressed.

The way he's holding her hand.

The way he's making her laugh.

The way he's taking away the only thing I wanted most in this world.

I hated everything about him.

With every fiber of my entire being. 

"You can just walk right in," Amanda said, "She doesn't have any meeting until 2 o'clock, Ms. Beli- Ms. Belivet?"

I was already out the door before I made a fool of myself for the 100000th time since I met her. 

I ran as fast as I could out of there.

I don't even know where I was heading. 

I don't care.

I just needed to get out of there.

Fast.

The building was suffocating me and I felt like I couldn't breath.

I must have crashed into someone, because the next thing I knew, I was on the floor and my left heel was broken. Jim, or Josh, or was it Taylor? I don't even know since my eyes were beginning to water. Fucking _pathetic_.

He apologized profusely and offered to take me to the hospital if I wanted. But I just mumbled something incoherently and hobbled away like a pathetic loser.

A pathetic loser who was also on the verge of tears.

_Fantastic._

_This day just keeps getting better and better._

I don't know how long I walked. Or how I managed to get there. But as I finally came back to my senses and my eyes began to focus again, I found myself standing in the middle of the empty parking lot.

I slid down along the wall and sat flat on the ground.

As I stared into the empty space in front of me, I felt like I was 80 years old all of a sudden.

The tears finally began to fall.

Two weeks ago, I'd been in complete control of my life.

What the hell happened between then and now?

I knew that I don't own her. And perhaps I never would.

So the anger that erupted when I saw she's with him was absolutely ridiculous and I had no right to feel them.

I knew that. I fucking knew that.

But it doesn't mean I don't feel it. With every single breath I take, the pain was enough to double me over.

I was angry at him. At her. But mostly, I was angry at myself for getting carried away with this fucking delusion. 

How could I be so fucking foolish?

What the hell did I think would happen?

Did I honestly think she would run into my arms the moment I told her how I feel?

That she would hold me and tell me that she feel the same, too?

That she would leave her husband for me?

_You fucking fool._

_You fucking delusional, naive, retarded, deranged fool._

I angrily wiped the tears off my face.

No more.

No more.

No fucking more of this.

_Why should I continue getting hurt for someone who doesn't care about hurting me?_

I took a few deep breaths. And then slowly and numbly, I took out my phone and dialed the all-too-familiar number.

"Hey babe, is everything okay?"

_She doesn't want you._

"Of course. Why wouldn't it be?"

_She doesn't love you._

"I don't know, you have never called me from work before so I'm just worried." 

_She doesn't want anything to do with you._

"Everything's fine."

_She already has someone else._

"Okay, that's great." A chuckle from the other end of the line, "So why are you calling me then?"

_You need to get your own fucking life, Belivet._

I know I'd regret it the moment I said the words, but at the time I was just willing to do anything to numb the pain.

I needed to feel something, anything, other than the excruciating pain that I was feeling right now. 

**_You're being selfish. And foolish._ **

_I know. But tell me, what other choices do I have?_

_She doesn't want me._

_And she never will._

"Pack up, Richard. We're going away for the weekend." A pause, before I continued, "Just you and me."

"Just you and me?"

"Just you and me." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One step forward, two steps back. So fucking frustrating, am I right?
> 
> But well, to be fair, you guys did ask for more angst, I'm just an obedient delivery guy! lol
> 
> Sorry I was gone for so long. I hope you guys still haven't forgot me and this story. I mean, I would understand if you do but I'd really appreciate it if you didn't ;)
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading. I love you guys. Go and have a great day, wherever you are :>


	15. Confession

What a week.

What a week.

 _Indeed_.

Friday night Richard and I went out for a fancy dinner in the city.

Early Saturday morning we drove up to the beach and stayed there until Sunday.

On Monday I went out of my way to cook an actual healthy, real homemade, romantic candle-lit dinner for him.

Tuesday we caught a movie. It was some tedious romantic comedy that I had already forgotten the name. Partly because my mind had been on something else, partly because halfway through the movie, Richard had turned to me and decided we should make out like teenagers. I had let him. It was nice. It was familiar. It was something we used to do back when we first got together.

Wednesday he took me to an art gallery, holding my hand throughout the night.

Thursday I surprised him with two tickets to a basketball game of his favorite team. He had picked me up and swung me around the room happily.

Friday afternoon, on my way home from work I stopped by a boutique shop to buy the sexiest piece of lingerie I could find.

And by midnight, I had broken down and cried like a baby when he tried to strip me out of said lingerie.

He was freaked out, to put it lightly, and asked frantically if he had done something wrong.

I bawled my eyes out and gave him the usual “It’s not you it’s me”. Even I cringed at how cliche it sounded.

I told him I couldn’t do it anymore. That someone else had been on my mind for the past few weeks. And that my heart had started to yearn for someone else.

And even though I knew it’s not fair to do this to him, lying to his face by saying I still love him wouldn't be fair either.

He asked me if it was something serious. Because if it was not, he would forgive me. We could still work, he had said.

Seeing the hopeful and vulnerable look in his eyes made everything a thousand times worse. I felt like the lowest scum on the earth for doing this to this man who wanted nothing more than to build a life together with me.

But even though it hurt me to say, I stayed strong and told him that we were beyond fixable.

I told him I knew he would have done anything to make me happy. And I knew we'd have a comfortable life together, but it wasn't something I wanted anymore. 

He wanted a house with a white picket fence. Two children, one boy and one girl. And a wife who loved him more than anything.

I couldn't give him that.

Not anymore.

I used to want that. I had thought that I still wanted that. And I had tried everything I could to _make_ myself want that again.

But the heart wants what it wants.

To my surprise, he didn't say anything after that. He just held me in his arms and told me it was okay. We would deal with everything in the morning, he assured me.

I eventually cried myself to sleep in his arms. And for the first time in these two torturous weeks, I felt safe.

I was worried Richard wouldn’t understand. I was worried he would get angry and scream at me. I was worried he would hate me forever.

But he took it surprisingly well.

Or so I thought.

* * *

The next morning I received a total of 24 missed calls and several angry voice messages. All from Dannie.

I skipped everything and only listened to the last voicemail.

“Belivet, for fuck's sake pick up the phone! Where have you been? I need to talk to you. ASAP. Richard had gone apeshit crazy on me and you need to give me an explanation before I break his goddamned neck. And oh, on a totally unrelated note, seriously, it’s nothing really, totally trivial, but, just so you know, he, um, for the lack of better words, punched me square in the jaw ten minutes ago. Yeah, it’s cooliooooo beans. Don't worry about it. It's totallyyyyyyyyy cool. NO IT’S NOT! WHAT THE FUCK BELIVET? THE NERVE OF THAT FUCKING DICKHEAD! And he even had the balls to scream bloody murder something about me being a treacherous backstabbing fuckboy for my entire neighborhood to hear. What a fucking piece of work that one is. Call me bac-Ouch! Don’t touch me Phil. I swear to god, get your fucking filthy fingers off of my face-HEY!” There was some rustling sound in the background and for a few seconds I thought the line had gone dead, but he came back on, “Sorry about that. Phil just tried to take a selfie with my gloriously inflated jaw. Fucking stupid dick. Anyway. Call me as soon as possible. I mean it, Belivet - OUCH, Phil, cut it out, you fuc-” And the line went dead.

Even though I had heard everything clearly the first time, I still decided to listen to Dannie's voicemail two more times, hoping that I had heard him wrong somehow.

Nope. Turned out I had got everything correct on the first try. Richard _did_ punch Dannie.

I ran my fingers frustratingly through my hair and sighed.

_What the hell have you done, Richard?_

I tried calling him five times but they all went directly to his voicemail. I finally gave up and dialed Dannie’s number instead.

He picked up on the second ring.

“Look who decided to call me back!”

“Dannie,” I sighed, “I call you as soon as I wake up.” A quick glance at the clock let me know that it was 1PM. _Is it noon already? Had I really slept for 12 hours straight?_

Exhausted, I continued, "What did he do this time?" 

“Jeez, are you okay, Belivet? You sound awful.”

“I feel awful," I admitted.

"What happened?"

"It's a long story," I screw my eyes shut and exhaled forcefully, "You free to grab a beer? I have something to tell you.”

* * *

Thirty minutes and I was standing in front of his apartment. I rang the doorbell twice.

“Jesus, you look like shit,” he greeted upon opening the door.

“Funny you should say that,” I stepped in and touched his face, trying to assess the damage.

"Ah, this? I barely even notice it," he waved his hand dismissively.

But I knew he was just trying to lighten up the situation because as soon as I touched his face, he jumped just about ten feet up.

I gasped when I saw how bad his bruise was. "I'm so sorry, Dannie. Does it hurt a lot? It looks like it hurts a lot."

"Well, you should have seen the other guy."

"What? Did you hit him back? Dannie!"

"Jeez, Therese. Thank you so much for caring about my wellbeing!"

"Come on Dannie, you know I care about you. But Richard is-Richard is-he," I stammered.

"He what?"

"You can't blame Richard, okay? He-he's not himself right now!"

"Relax, I didn't hit your boy toy, okay?"

I heaved a sigh of relief, "Thank you."

"Well, I wanted to, but Phil held me back. That no good, annoying, stinking bastard. And he calls himself my brother."

I flashed him a quick smile, trying to show him my appreciation.

I knew he could have punched Richard in the face, and Richard would have very much deserved that since he acted like a fucking uneducated thug. But Dannie had held back, only out of his respect for me, I'm sure.

Dannie got up to get a few cans of beer from his fridge and thew one at me.

As we started to down our beers, he looked awfully restless, as if he wanted to ask too many questions at once and was just figuring out how to start. But I had to give the guy some credits, because he managed to stayed silent until we had finished our first cans first. 

"So," he approached tentatively, "Your precious Richard seems to be under the impression that we are having some kind of secret love affair or something," he chose his words carefully, "Care to tell me why?"

I sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Hey, don't get me wrong. I'm not totally against the idea either," he wagged his eyebrows teasingly, "I mean, I look pretty damn handsome and you are not bad yourself. I could totally see us together." 

"Except that you're a cat guy and I'm more of a dog kind of gal. It's the law, we can't be together."

"Oh," he put a hand over his heart and pouted, "how tragic."

"Truly," I chuckled. 

"Okay, Belivet. Enough with the chit chatting. What's going on, really?"

I knew I had to talk to him at some point but it doesn't mean I'm ready for it. Matter of fact, I don't think I would ever be.

So, like a petulant 5-year-old child, I put my head between my knees and groaned.

"Okay, you're doing that fucking weird whale noise thing. And I've known you long enough to know that you never do it unless it's something really bad."

"It is."

"So tell me."

I bit my lip, eyes dancing to every corner. It soon became too much; I stood up and started pacing rapidly. I found myself chewing my nails, but forced myself to keep my hand down from my mouth. It didn't quite work, as I found myself chewing again a bare minute later. I was nervous, alright.

"Therese," Dannie suddenly appeared in front of me and firmly grabbed my shoulders, "What's going on? You're scaring me." All traces of teasing were gone, there was nothing but genuine concern in Dannie' voice now. 

"I fucked up, Dannie. Real bad. Real, real bad," my voice broke and I could feel tears threatening to fall, "I don't even know where to begin."

"Okay, just take a deep breath. You don't have to tell me anything if you're uncomfortable. But I'm here if you ever need me, you know that right?"

"I do."

"Okay, good. Come here, you poor baby bear," he wrapped his arms around me and gently rested his chin on my head.

Suddenly engulfed in his warmth and love, I finally broke down and cried like a baby.

_What is it with me and crying these days?_

_So fucking pathetic._

But if I had looked pathetic, then Dannie simply chose to ignore it and didn't say anything. Instead, he just hummed softly and stroke my hair tenderly. We stood like that for a long time.

Then, very timidly, I broke the silence.

"My life's a fucking mess right now."

"That is brand-new information," he snickered.

"And it all started because of a woman." At this, Dannie scrunched his eyebrows together, but I continued, "She just walks in my life one day and fucks everything up, basically."

"A woman? Wait a minute, did Richard cheat on you with her?" Dannie raised his voice, "Tell me, did that bastard cheat on you? I swear to God, I would find him and-" 

"No no, it's nothing like that, Dannie." I quickly cut him off, "It's actually the other way around."

"What?" he asked with a frown, "So she cheated on her boyfriend with Richard?"

"No Dannie, I cheated on him."

"What? Are you fucking serious?"

I could only nod my head.

"Oh, wow," he blinked a couple of times, "I mean...damn, Therese, I didn't really think you have it in you."

My face must have turned fifty shades of red and I thought I would die of embarrassment right there. _Well, I didn't really think I am that type of person either._

"Fuck, it makes sense now, the reason why Richard came here and gave me this," Dannie stroke his bruise absentmindedly, "he must have thought you cheated on him with me. You didn't tell him who it was?"

I shook my head.

"Why?"

"I don't know. It just...didn't come up last night. I guess he just immediately assumed it was you."

"Well, I'm flattered. But still, not being punch would also have been nice."

"I'm so sorr-"

"Don't worry about it," he shrugged easily, "Anyway, so, who's the lucky son of a bitch?"

"It's not some son of a bitch."

"Alright, alright, I see, getting defensive of lover boy already. I'm sorry, let me rephrase it. Who is our lucky, noble man?"

"No, Dannie. What I meant is that it's not a man," I took a deep breath, "I cheated on him with a woman."

His eyes widened and he gasped loudly. "Fuck me sideways. Holy shit. Fuck. Wow. I mean, holy fuck -"

"Okay, you need to stop saying that."

"I'm sorry. But I mean, wow. I'm not saying anything, just a little surprised, that's all. Wow, man, that took an unexpected turn. So what does it mean? Are you a lesbian now?"

"I don't know, Dannie. I don't know. I didn't plan any of this, okay? It kind of just...happened one night."

"You kinky little shit.And I thought you were just a shy little girl. Damnnnn," he said, more to himself than to me. "Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets, huh?"

I punched him on the arm.

"Alright, wow. So, um, let me rephrase my question, _again_. Who's the lucky gal?"

"Who is she?" I repeated, "Well she, she is a very special woman, Dannie," I whispered, "She's got these amazing grey eyes that are about as wide as the moon. And she has this laugh, this gorgeous, heart-stopping kind of laugh. And I feel like it's only for me, you know? Because she doesn't laugh with anyone. But when she does, my god, what I wouldn't do to make her laugh everyday."

He smiled, his eyes tender and kind. "Yeah? What else?"

"And the way she holds me, fuck, Dannie, you have no idea what's it like, it's like, it's like...it's like I am the only one who can hold her together. Like she would dissolve into a million pieces if it had not been for my touch. She makes me feel like I actually mean the world to her!" I exclaimed, anger suddenly started to seep into my voice.

"And that's a bad thing...because...?"

"That's the thing with her, you see!" My voice was harsher than I'd intended, "She makes me feel like a fucking king when I'm with her. Like I could do anything. I feel like, like, I matter. But then the next minute she acts like I don't mean shit to her. Like we're totally strangers. Snip, snap! Snip, snap! Snip, snap! I don't know even how to act around her anymore!" I got up and paced the room frustratingly.

"I think she just likes to play with me, you know? Because she knows that I'm fucking weak and pathetic. She knows I can't get away from her." I reached up and tugged my hair angrily. "Every time I think I'm finally over her, she has to lure me back and I would be once again helpless to her call. I can't help it you know, she just knows what to say!" I stopped mid-stride, as I suddenly realized something.

Something that I should have known all along.

"She must think that I'm a fucking idiot, and that's why she keeps stringing me along like this. And I allow her to do it, Dannie, _I_ allow her to play me!" I buried my head in my hands angrily, "Fuck, I am really an idiot." 

Dannie walked over to where I was standing, cupping my face in his hands, he said sternly: "Don't. Don't you ever think like that. You are the smartest person I've known. And I won't let anyone make you doubt myself. Uh-uh. Not even God himself."

I hugged him tightly, grateful I still had him, even if everything else falls.

"Who is she though? Is it someone I know?" 

I groaned again and buried my face in his chest.

"Shit, the whale thing again," he exclaimed, "Come on, Belivet. It can't be that bad."

"It is _that_ bad. You can't even imagine."

"I'm sure you're exaggerating."

"Oh Dannie, you have no idea."

"Then tell me."

"You're gonna hate me after I tell you who she is."

"Impossible."

"Possible."

"Impossible."

"Possible."

"Okay, stop beating around the bush. Who is it?"

"Promise you won't judge?" I murmured.

"Cross my heart and hope to die."

"Itsmrsaird." I mumbled quietly against his chest.

"What? Who?"

"Itsmrsaird."

"What do you mean you don't care?"

"Gosh, Dannie, you dummy. You just have to make me say it out loud, don't you?" I hit my head against his chest repeatedly.

He laughed at my little tantrum. "Come on, you can do it. You can tell me."

I took a deep breath and spoke the next three words, clearly and audibly this time. "It's Mrs. Aird."

Dannie continued looking at me for a few seconds before tilting his head to the side and asked, "I don't think I catch that. Did you say Mrs. Claire or something?"

"No, I didn't." 

"Because I thought you say Mrs. Aird and I mean, it's just...it doesn't make sense right?"

I just looked at him without saying anything.

"What? What are you- No! Noooooo. No. You didn't," he started shaking his head in disbelief.

I dropped my head on his chest to avoid his gaze.

"No, you look at me, Belivet," he grabbed my face and held it firmly in front of him, "Please tell me that you're joking."

"Oh I wish."

"Mrs. Fucking Aird? Your insufferable boss? The Ice Queen? Mother of the Bitchiness? King of the pain in your ass? Knight of th-"

I covered his mouth with my hand and said, "Okay, that's enough. This is not Game of Thrones, you don't have to recite her full titles every time I mention her name."

"Bu-but I mean, it's Mrs. Aird!"

"That's what I said,"

"But didn't you just tell me she was a royal bitch the last time I saw you or something?"

"I know I know. But so much has happened between now and then and everything's changed."

"What do you mean? It's only been a few weeks!"

"I know! But you weren't there okay? You don't understand!" 

"Okay, walk me through it then. Slowly. Because I'm still processing the fact that you fucked your boss."

"I didn't just fuck her."

"My gosh, what else did you do then? Were you guys playing BDSM or something?"

"Get your head out of the gutter, Dannie."

"Okay okay, sorry. So what do you mean then?"

"It started as just a simple one night stand. But somewhere along the way, I think I fell for her."

"But she's married, Therese!"

"Oh Dannie, trust me, I know," I snapped, "You don't have to remind me." 

"Come on Terry, it's one thing to cheat on your boyfriend. It's another thing to have an affair with a married woman, who, I may add, happens to be your boss!"

"Don't you think I know that?" I shouted angrily, "It's all I can think about these days! Do you think I want to fall in love with her? Do you think I don't want things to work with Richard? Do you think I ask for any of this? God, Dannie! You, of all people, should know." My voice was shaking as my entire body trembled with anger, "Do you know how many times I have forced myself to stay away from her? Do you know how many nights I had stayed awake, thinking about what a despicable piece of shit I am, falling for a married woman? Do you even know how much I hate myself?" I curled up on the floor and hugged my knees tightly, feeling like my body was about to give out at any moment, "But I can't help it, okay? I can't! I can't stop thinking about her. And it's killing me every single day," 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry," he said quickly and came over to where I was sitting, "I promised I wouldn't judge and here I am, fucking up my promise 2 seconds later. I'm a fucking lying and ignorant asshole, please forgive me. You are right. You are absolutely right. I have no idea what you've been through. I don't know shit. I shouldn't even talk."

I sobbed uncontrollably in his arms.

And then after a while, I whispered, "Dannie, I would kill to be with her. I would. That's how much I want her. But she doesn't even give a damn."

He wiped my tears and said, "Darling, if she doesn't want you, then she's a fucking idiot. Why do you even want to be with an idiot?"

I chuckled with tears still streaming down my face.

"So, what are you gonna do now?"

"I don't know. I honestly don't know. But at least I broke up with Richard. He should be with someone else. He deserves someone better."

"Hey, hey, don't you fucking say that," Dannie narrowed his eyes, "Richard is the luckiest bastard in the world for having you for as long as he did."

"I don't know what to do, Dannie," I rubbed my eyes tiredly, "Help me. Make me forget everything. Say something nice."

"Okay, okay. Hmmm...Ooooh I know one. Do you know that "vanilla" comes from the Latin word "vagina"? Isn't that such a nice thing to know?"

I punched him lightly on the arm and laughed.

"But seriously, what are you gonna do now? Does she even know you feel this way about her?"

"No...I mean, maybe. I don't know. I haven't told her if that's what you ask. Well, I wanted to...but something happened."

"Okay. Are you gonna try to tell her again?"

"I'm not sure anymore."

"What do you think would happen if you told her?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you think she would leave her husband for you?"

"I mean, I hope so."

"But do you think she would?"

"No," I looked down because I knew he could see that I was about to cry again.

He lifted my chin up, "So, what are we gonna do now, Belivet? I can't have you pining away for that woman forever. Either you tell her and you guys work something out; or you need to find some way to stop feeling this way about her."  

"I don't know. I mean, I want to forget her, you know? I really do. Just forget everything that has happened, and move on."

"Can you do that? Can you go back to being friends again?"

"Fuck. Dannie. I don't know. I want be her friend, but then again I don't, you know? I mean, how can you simply be friends with someone when every time you look at them, you're thinking about how much more you really want?"

"I know. It's almost impossible," he agreed.

"I want to go back to hating her. It's so much easier than being in love with her. At least when I hate her, it doesn't hurt thinking about how I'll never be with her. Oh Dannie, I'll never have her."

"You don't know that."

"But I do."

"You really don't think she shares the same feelings?"

"No."

"And you still love her?"

"And I still love her."

"Why?"

"Does there have to be a reason for everything?"

I looked up to see Dannie furrowed his brows, a deep perplexed expression adorned his face.

Dannie just doesn't understand.

Nobody does.

But it's very simple, really.

"Don't you see, Dannie? It doesn't matter. Nothing matters. It's like...it's like...lilacs."

"Lilacs?"

"Yes."

"What do lilacs have to do with anything?"

"Oh Dannie, they have to do with everything."

It had taken me a while to realize it. But once it dawned on me, I wondered why it took me so long to finally get it.

It should have been crystal clear from the start.

_The thing is,_

_I love lilacs; doesn't matter if they're white or violet, I love them both. Just like I'll always love her, whether she's mine or not._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is......less angst, right? Just as you guys asked, right? (〃▽〃)  
> First chapter without the cool Mrs. Aird, hope it wasn't too boring for you guys ;)
> 
> Again, I know you guys are tired of hearing this...but I'm truly sorry for the long wait. There is no excuse, it's just who I am as a person: an excited but terribly lazy writer whose best talent seems to be procrastinating ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> Anyway, all I'm saying is that the updates may come awfully slow, but they will come, that I can promise. But enough my rambling, go have a great day and kick some ass, wherever you are! xoxo


	16. Eight o'Clock

With my back turned away from the desk and feet propped up on the frame, I sat staring out the window. The clouds were beginning to gather in the sky. Up to now, the sky had been postcard-perfect, but it was changing. The beautiful cocktail-blue shade was beginning to darken into gravel-grey. Large pillows of cloud were forming, blotting out the old-gold color of the sun. It was about to rain.

 _Do I have my umbrella with me today?_ I wondered briefly.

With some difficulty, I managed to divert my gaze away from the window for a second to glance down at my desk.

_Nope._

_Well...doesn't matter._

_The thought of getting soaked in the rain doesn't sound too bad today._

_I love the rain._

_Rain is good._

_Rain is different._

_Rain keeps pedestrians from staring at you and your sad walk as you walk home, all alone._

_Rain gets people off the street and allows you to sulk in your sad little world in peace._

_Rain gives you excuses to skip the mindless, tedious, and soul-sucking parties._

_Rain gets Dannie off of your back about staying at home for too long._

_Rain allows you to curl up and mope around in your apartment without guilt._

_Rain is good._

_I like rain._

The first few raindrops started to fall. And another. And another. Until they created a rhyme of their own. 

_Pitter patter._

A warm feeling were slowly spreading throughout my body, and I welcomed the sensation. 

_Pitter patter._

The people on the street were now frantically scrambling around looking for a spot to hide, a roof to cover their head, a place to protect them from the unrelenting rain.

_Isn't it such a funny thing?_

_People always claim they love the rain. But when it rains, what do we do? We hide and curse and grumble about getting wet._

_Hypocrites. All of us._

_Pitter patter._

My eyes continued their aimless wander, until a sight of a particular man down on the street caught my attention. I strained my eyes harder to get a better look at him. With only his left arm, he clumsily tried to take off his grey jacket to cover the bouquet of fresh roses he was holding in his right hand. And judging from the movements of his lips, he was probably cursing a storm as he did so.

He definitely hated the rain, unlike me.

Observing him, I sighed wistfully. He probably had some place to get to and the rain was positively ruining his plan. Maybe he had someone he needed to see. Someone who was waiting for him. Who would be unbelievably happy to receive that bouquet, even if it would be all wet and ruined by the time it was handed to her. Who would go on to break a radiant smile upon knowing all the troubles he had gone through, getting that bouquet of roses, just for her.

What a lucky guy he was, having someone to care for like that. All to himself.

Unlike me.

_Pitter patter._

Droplets of rain splattered against the window. It was beginning to rain harder.

I wondered what the ducks in Central Park were doing. _Do they take cover? Do they enjoy the rain? Do they huddle together to keep warm? Are they comfo-_

"Ms. Belivet."

I jumped in my seat. My cheeks burned instantly, realizing that I had been caught red-handed daydreaming during work. Slowly, I put my legs down, and turned my chair around, "I'm sorry, I was just looking to s-"

My mouth clamped shut at the sight that greeted my eyes.

Mrs. Aird was standing at the door. Her arms were crossed loosely across her chest. Her head slightly titled up, as if she was challenging me. Her face void of any emotion. 

I gulped nervously.

"To what?" she pressed. 

"Uhm...t-to-to-to," I cleared my throat, "s-see if the rain is heavy or not."

"Well, is it?"

"I-I think so,"

"Good."

Leaning against the door frame, Carol stood staring at me. Just stared. Nothing else, yet I could feel my pulse beating in my ears, blocking out all other sound except the breath that was raggedly moving in and out of my mouth at regular, gasping intervals. I found that I too was staring. I could not take my eyes away from the other pair of eyes across the room. Nothing else mattered. I suddenly could no longer control my hands; they were shaking in an odd trembling rhymth. Yet still I stared, willing myself not to look down first, willing the connection to hold.

"What are you doing here?" I finally mustered up enough courage to ask.

The corner of her lips moved upwards, and then she strode across the room, silently, effortlessly, like a predator approaching its prey.

Closer.

Closer.

And closer.

Until she was directly in front of me.

"I was just wondering what you were up to," she proceed to sit casually on the edge of my desk, as if this was a normal occurrence, as if she sat on my desk every day. Then she turned slowly to look at me - her face was _absurdly_ beautiful - with piercing, playful grey eyes, "It's been a long time since we last saw each other, hasn't it?"

"I-It has..." Her sudden closeness was making me uncomfortable. Very, very much so. Not in the "Yo dude, back off you're invading my personal space" kind of way, but in the way that screamed "For God's sake woman back off, if you so much as move your head an inch closer, my entire body may explode".

"And why is that?" she asked, eyes so damned wide and innocent that it seemed sacrilegious. 

The heat that was radiating from her body was making my head dizzy, and I found that I had difficulties forming words.

"I-I-I don't know," I lied. 

She leaned in even closer, and when she was about just an inch to my left, her cheek barely touching mine, she whispered seductively into my ears, "Well, darling, did you miss me?"  

My eyes shot wide open and my body shivered involuntarily the moment her hot breath caressed my neck. And I swore to God I almost had a nosebleed, right then and there. 

"W-w-w-w-what?" I stammered. And like a fool, I carefully lifted my left hand and patted my nose to make sure I wasn't in fact, bleeding.

She smirked knowingly. And then, very casually, very suavely, very Carol Aird-ly, she reached up and rested a hand on my knee, "I said, did you miss me?"

"I-I-I-I...did," I confessed.

"Good. Because I've missed you, too," her eyes were gloriously intense as she uttered that last sentence, her voice smoldering. I couldn't remember how to breathe.

"Y-you do?"

The hand that was resting on my knee started to move upwards. Slowly. Agonizingly. Her touch was gentle, like a feather, but wherever she lingered, my skin burned as if a thousand suns were shooting UV rays directly above it.

Her eyes lighted up mischievously, "Oh Ms. Belivet, you have no idea."

Embolden by her words, I found myself speaking before I really had a chance to think it over, "T-tell...me,"

"Ms. Belivet," a sensual crooked smile adorned her face as she boldly grabbed the hem of my skirt and yanked it up, one inch at a time, "I've missed you at the most random times, and in the most random places. At work, at home, in the garden, in the kitchen, on the street,..." she paused for a second, her hand drawing lazy circles on my now exposed skin of my thigh, before continuing the last sentence in a sultry whisper, "And sometimes...sometimes...I don't know...I think of you in the most inappropriate places..."

"L-like w-where?"

"Like when I'm all alone in my bed at night...or in the morning when I'm taking a shower..."

My breath hitched, and I could only gasp in short, uneven breaths, "O-oh god..."

I found myself staring intently at her hand. Eyes following her every move. Unable to focus on anything else. 

Higher.

Higher.

And higher.

Until she was almost touching my p-

"Ms. Belivet, you're burning up," she remarked suddenly, her voice laced with amusement. 

"I am?" Breathless, I asked dumbly. 

"Yes. Are you okay?"

"I-I don't know," I answered honestly.

When she removed her hand from my thigh to touch my temple, I almost screamed at the loss of contact. 

_H-he-hey-HEY! Get back in there, hand! Don't be so fucking irresponsible, finish what you've started!_

"Ms. Belivet," her hand had dropped from my temple and now caressing my face tenderly, "I think you have a fever," 

"Hmmmmm...I do?" I purred, like a cat, too lost reveling in her caress to care about how ridiculous I sounded right now.

"Yes you do," her hand dropped even lower, until she was tracing my lips with her fingers, and it took all my strength not to part my lips and suck one of them into my mouth.

"Hmmmm," I hummed distractedly.

"I can kiss it away, you know?"

"Oh!"

"Would you like that? Would you want me to kiss it away?"

"I-I-I..." 

"Oh, you would love that, wouldn't you?" she suddenly lifted her right leg and positioned it until I was practically sitting between her legs, my eyes directly in front of her stomach. 

_You're so cool, God._

_Thank you so fucking much._

_Even though I haven't stepped foot in a church for years, I promise to come to one next week to pay my gratitude._

_Keep up the good work, God!_

"V-very much so," I managed to say.

"Good girl," she smirked. And as if she finally noticed the agonized expression on my face and decided to take pity on me, she finally leaned down, closer, closer, and closer.

My heart seemed to want to fly straight out of my chest as it was beating too fast. I closed my eyes and parted my lips slightly, preparing to be seduced over and over again, preparing to give in to her kiss, preparing to lose myself in her touch.

But just before her lips touched mine, she stopped and whispered, "It's eight o'clock."

"O...okay?"

_Who the fuck cares! Kiss me!_

"What are you still doing here, Ms. Belivet?"

"What?"

_I'm here to receive that fucking kiss! Give it to me!_

"It's eight o'clock," she repeated.

_No, it's not. It's kissing time!_

"Ms. Belivet," she chuckled.

"What!" I cried out frustratingly, and decided to take matters into my own hands.

I stood up, about to grab her face and kiss her myself to make her stop repeating that stupid nonsense over and over again when something in the corner caught my attention.

_The clock._

It's not eight.

It's only five in the afternoon.

My eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

"Ms. Belivet," I turned my head to face her, "It's eight o'clock," she repeated, like a broken record, confusing the hell out of me.

I looked at her, I mean, really looked at her. She still had the same arrogant smirk on her face and she looked just about as magnificent as ever, but somehow, her voice had dropped an octave or two. It seemed much lower, and deeper than usual. As if...as if...it was from a man.

_What the fuck?_

And then, very abruptly, I jolted awake. 

I blinked a couple of times, still extremely disoriented; and to make matter worse, when I tried to touch my face, I realized I couldn't since my arm had fallen asleep. Needless to say, I panicked like a little girl.

But gradually, my eyes started to adjust to the bright light. As I was beginning to recognize the familiar surrounding of my office, a shadowy figure came in my focus unexpectedly.

"Ms. Belivet, are you alright?"

"Mr. Robins!" I screamed embarrassingly, but then managed to controlled the volume of my voice, "Y-yes! I'm alright. Just a little tired, that's all. W-where is everybody?" I glanced around the room worriedly.

"Everybody's left a long time ago. It's eight o'clock, Ms. Belivet."

"Oh...okay...that...makes sense,"

"You've been working late every night for the past week, Ms. Belivet," he shook his head disapprovingly, "Jesus, you're wasting your life here. You're young. Do what the other kids do. Go home. Go out with your boyfriend. Dance. Eat. Drink. Enjoy yourself!"

"Easier said than done, Mr. Robins," I rubbed my eyes tiredly, but quickly stood up and gathered my things. No use trying to work now. 

"You've gotta take care of yourself, Ms. Belivet," Mr. Robins said, his voice full of concern.

"Trust me, I'm trying my very best. Goodbye, Mr. Robins, and thank you for waking me up," I mumbled under my breath, too embarrassed to even look at the nice man in the eyes.

I heard Mr. Robins calling out a goodnight, but I was already out the door, anxious to get out of the building as fast as possible.

As the elevator started to move down, I banged my head repeatedly against its door. 

_Fucking hell._

_Fucking._

_Hell._

_Why does this happen to me?_

_What have I ever done to receive this kind of torture?_

_I mean, it's not like this is the first time she has been in my dreams._ _But it's one thing to dream about her at night when I'm all alone with my thoughts._   _It's another thing to dream this kind of dream at work, where there are people! Yes, people! As in plural form!_

I groaned, wanting to punch myself in the face for getting myself in this mess.

_Gosh._

_Falling in love is hard._

_Falling in love with a girl that ain't yours is even worse._

_But falling in love with Carol Aird takes the cake._

_God have mercy on me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just think we should have a little bit of fluff (even if it's only in Ms. Belivet's perverted little mind) before we dive again in another episode of angst. 
> 
> What? More angst?!!? profrogers you little fucker!!!
> 
> Yes, yes. I know, I know. I can already hear the protests from some of you guys XD But my hands are tied, guys. The thing is, I don't have a fixed idea for each chapter; after I'm done uploading a chapter, I have no idea what the next one will be about. I just "go with the flow", and right now, a little bird told me that we need a little more angst XD
> 
> And I don't know if I'm right on this, you guys can correct me if I'm wrong, but I think my story is one of the slowest burn in the history of Carol's slow burn stories, right? I mean, we're 16 chapters in and our characters are nowhere near getting their shit together :)))))) Well, I may as well go for the record, right? XD


	17. Madness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy one-month hiatus anddddddddd I'm back bitches! XD 
> 
> See? Contrary to what some of you may believe, I didn't give up! I'm still here, my babies, still bugging you guys with my occasional ramblings and musings; you guys can't get rid of me just yet :> And oh, to make up for my lack of updates recently, this chapter is particularly long ;) Okay, enough of my babbling, onto with the story!

5pm.

5pm.

5pm.

I repeated the time over and over in my head. Any other day and it wouldn't have meant anything. But today? Today, it meant _everything_.

_Today I'm gonna tell her._

Yes. I know, I know. This was going to be an awfully crazy thing to do. And risky. And absolute bananas. And fifty shades of fucked up.

And oh, it also had the potential to be the biggest mistake I'd ever make in my goddamn life.

But fuck it, who knows, didn't people always say life works in mysterious ways?

Maybe in my previous life I was a fucking dolphin, a skillful one at that; and on a particularly hot and humid day, dolphin-me just happened to be cruising along a big ass boat when suddenly, the Pope, who, very coincidentally, just happened to be on that very same boat, fell in the deep and unforgiving water. With me being a heroic and couragous good little dolphin and all that, dolphin-me didn't hesitate, not even for one single second, expertly swoop down and safely carried him on my back, thus saving his life, in front of a thousand awestruck passengers.

And what do you know, God just happened to witness the whole thing, and he was touched, very much so. So now God'd decided he'd reward me in this life time with a miracle.

So _maybe_ , just _maybe_ , due to some high and _mysterious_ powers up above, she'd say she want me, too.

**_Are you actually retarded or just too stubborn to understand?_ **

_Okay, see? This kind of talk doesn't exactly help, okay?_

**_For the love of God, would you just look at yourself? You may as well wear a fucking badge that says "delusional fucker" on your head because that's what you are, you delusional fucker!_ **

_Nobody asks for your shit advice! You know what, it didn't work before, and it sure as heck won't work now. So would you please just take your shit advice and shove it up your ass? And if you gotta take it some where, take it somewhere, you know? I don't care what you do, you just gotta shove it somewhere else._

**_My advice is good and you know it and that's why you don't want to hear it!_ **

_Fuck off!_

_**Gosh Belivet, I just hate to be the one who says "I told you so".** _

_Then don't!_

**_Do you think I want to argue with a stubborn shit like you? It's just my responsibility to keep you from doing shit that will ultimately hurt us, ok? Why don't you get it? She's going to say no and-_ **

_Lalalalalalalala_

**_What are yo-_ **

_LA!_

**_Don-_ **

_LA!_

_**I-** _

_LALALALALALALA!_

**_Fine! Fine! Do whatever you want. But this is all on you, don't you come crawling back to me all broken hearted when she laughs in your face, you immature piece of shitlord!_ **

It took several minutes, but finally my breath returned to normal after my internal heated debate. But now that I was all alone in my thoughts, doubts began to creep in once again.

It was not that I didn't think my conscience was right. It was. And I realized the full magnitude of this potential fuck up. I did. I worked for the country's most pretigious newspaper, remember? I wasn't _that_ stupid. 

But the thing was, I just couldn't keep it inside anymore.

Whatever she does afterwards was her business and hers alone. I just had to tell her.

Before I slowly lost my fucking mind, that is.

With that in mind, I carefully closed my satchel and headed down the hall.

As I waited right outside her door, a million scenerios ran wildly across my mind. All of them ended very _badly_.

 _What the fuck am I doing here?!_ My mind screamed at me.

_Who the fuck do I think I am? Oh fuck. I didn't think this over clearly enough. Run! Ru-_

"Ms. Belivet?" Before I could make my escape, the door had already swung wide open.

I screw my eyes shut. _Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck me and my indesiciveness and  my impulsiveness._

_Why am I this way?_

"Ms. Belivet? Is that you?"

Well, since there was no going back, might as well go forward. With that, I took a deep breath and turned around.

"What are you doing here?" Surprise painted her _ridiculously_ beautiful face.

"Hi, Mrs. Aird," I breathed.

"Is there anything you need?"

"W-would y-you," _Get a fucking grip!_ "Do you have a minute? I'd like to talk to you."

“Okay?” she replied hesitantly, “Come in."

"No, no, not here,” I reached out to stop her just as she was about to head into the room again.

It was just a split second, but I caught her eyes darting to my hand on her arm before looking up at me quizzically, "Why not?"

"It's-I'd prefer-just follow me, will you?"

Boy did she take her sweet time to answer, but finally, she turned to lock her door and looked at me expectantly, "Lead the way."

I nodded and began walking in front of her without looking back, too afraid to lose myself in those magnetic grey pools and too busy keeping my legs from running away from this place as far as possible. 

"Where are we going?" she asked after a while.

"The roof, of course. That's the place to go when you want some quietness in this crazy city."

There was no one on the roof. Just a few rusty metal chairs laying haphazardly around. It seemed incredible to me that there could be anywhere so devoid of people in the middle of New York. I wouldn't have had found this place if I hadn't fallen asleep flat on my desk that day in the office. Because the next day Mr. Robins had handed me the keys to this very same roof and encouraged me to check it out, "For the tough times," he had said before walking away. I hadn't understood what he meant at the time until I actually went up here. 

For the tough times, _indeed_.

"Ms. Belivet, you've asked me to come here to talk. So talk," Carol's rich honey voice pulled me out of my reverie, "I’m afraid I don’t have much time,” she added as an afterthought.

Upon hearing my name from her lips, I chuckled humorlessly and looked up at the sky. Dark, angry clouds were quickly gathering above us. 

It was about to rain.

Just like in that fucking dream.

"Ms. Belivet?"

I didn’t know exactly how; but something inside me suddenly snapped.

”Would you fucking stop that?" I growled.

She was taken aback by my question and its scorching hostility, "Stop what?"

"With the name. It's just you and me here. No one else. So please, for the love of God, drop the 'Ms. Belivet' bullshit, would you?"

She opened and closed her mouth several times, but finally she settled for a quiet apologize, "I'm sorry, Therese."

We were quiet again for a long time. But finally I gathered up enough courage and insanity to speak again, "Carol, I have something to tell you,"

"Yes?" Curiosity and concern swirled in her eyes and I saw her gulping nervously.

Ignoring the onslaught of nausea and the wild butterflies in the pit of my stomach, I looked straight into her bottomless grey eyes and told her calmly, ”I broke up with Richard."

Surprise and, if I was not entirely clouded by my own desperate delusion, pleasure flashed across the grey pools, "W-why?"

"Why?!" I screamed, "Are you crazy? You know politics like the back of your hand, you wrote a national best selling book, you've won two fucking Pulitzers, and you don't know the answer to something as simple as that? Why do you even have to ask? Why do you have to make a girl say something like this? I like you more than I like him, that's all. I wish I had fallen in love with somebody a little more available and within my reach, of course. But I didn't. I fell in love with you!”

Carol stood frozen. And for a long moment, she said nothing, and did nothing.

It was getting worse and worse as each agonizing after agonizing second passed by in silence. 

"Will you _please_ get that look off your face?" I shouted, angrily kicking a nearby innocent stone into a puddle, "You're gonna make me cry. Don't worry, I know you're married to someone else. I'm not expecting anything from you, not really. I didn't tell you this to hear you say it back, okay? I just need you to know."

I thought by telling her it would give me some kind of relief. That getting this enormous secret off of my chest would give me some kind of peace. And maybe, if I could not have her, I would at least get enough closure to move on. 

But nope.

An overwhelming need to cry suddenly struck me and my knees felt like giving out at any moment.

I buried my face in my hands, trying desperately to hold back the tears. But it was no use, a single hot tear treacherously escaped.

_Stupid body. Stupid eyes. Stupid Belivet._

But then Carol did such a nice thing. She walked up, wrapped her arm around my shoulders, and pulled me in against her. I could feel her body heat through her sheer white shirt, and directly in front of me are her creamy white knees. But most of all, I could smell her. And she smelled wonderful, like wood and rose and vanilla and warmth and happiness and sunshine, all wrapped up in a one package that was this woman. No one could see my face in there protected by her chest. Which was good because I couldn't stop crying. I mean, I was really going for the world record in terms of an inappropriate public breakdown. But it didn’t matter, it just didn’t matter. Carol was holding me. I was sheltered. And for a moment, everything was right in this world.

She kissed the top of my head, all the while chanting "I'm sorry" over and over again.

And I should have known, right then and there, I really should have. 

Her answer to this mad declaration of love. 

But like a true deranged asylum patient, I ignored every fiber in my brain that screamed this was a bad idea, and carried on making a fool out of myself.

So I told her the truth.

"I love you, Carol. And I know it's selfish of me to tell you this when you’re already married to someone else, but I can’t help it.”

She said nothing to that, just continued stroking my hair; the tenderness was almost enough to make me cry all over again.

“I-I thought it was just a stupid infatuation, but it turns out to be so much more than that. And I had tried to fight it, to make it go away, just like you suggested, I really did, trust me. But it wouldn’t go away. In fact, I think I fall a little more in love with you every day. Jesus, I’m so fucking stupid.”

“Don't you ever think like that again," she lifted my chin up and softly wiped my tears away, "You're the smartest and kindest person I've ever known. But sometimes, we can't control who we fall in love with," she smiled a melancholic smile, "it happens to the best of us."

“Carol, listen," I grabbed her wrists in my hands, “I know we are not exactly compatible, we constantly fight and bicker, and I don’t even know if we’ll last longer than a week. But don’t you think you owe it to yourself, to us, to give this, whatever this is between us, a try? I’m not the kind of person who goes around breaking other people’s marriages, Carol, I’m not. I’m not that kind of girl. But fuck, you’re not the kind of woman who should be sad all the time. You deserve all the happiness in the world. You deserve to be loved, cherished, and more. Much more. I don't have much, Carol, and I'm sorry I can't offer you everything you want in life. But my love? My love for you beats anything else in the world.”

"Oh god..." She screw her eyes shut and started to turn away but I immediately grabbed her arms and forced her to look at me.

"No, listen to me, I love you. And I know it's wrong, and it's immoral, and it's something I should've never acted upon. But I'm way past the point of being logical, okay? Loving you has made me insane. And it used to scare me, it still does, everyday, every single fucking second, realizing how much I want you. But I've finally got it now, love is not supposed to be easy. And I'm tired of feeling ashamed for my love. I want you, today, tomorrow, and for the rest of my life, and I'm sick of feeling sorry for that all the time!" 

"Therese, you're so young, you don't know what you w-"

"Oh god, please, don't give me that. Don't you ever give me that."

"But it's true! You're young and you have your whole life ahead of yo-"

“I know you deserve better than me," I shouted, "You think I don’t know that? But if there was any woman made for me…it’s you. And I’d do anything to make you mine. Do you understand? I’d do anything!”

"You love me? You'd do anything for me? Oh give me a break, Therese!" It was her turn to get frustrated. “You only love me because it's so fucking new and exciting right now. The supposedly 'forbidden fruit', oh I know all about it. But two, three months from now you'll realize I'm just another boring old hag with a ton of burdens and you'll get bored and you'll leave!”

"An old ha- what?" I couldn't even finish the word because of how utterly repulsive it sounded, "Do you even look at yourself, Carol? You're a fucking goddess. The sight of your ankle is enough to make me drop down on my knees!"

She blushed a beautiful shade of crimson, and uttered weakly, "That, too, will go away."

"Carol, do you think I fall in love with you because of your appearance? Well, I mean, sure, it was a fucking bonus, a big one at that; but do you really think I'm that shallow? I fell in love with you because of who you are, okay? You could fuck up your face and gain eighty pounds, and obviously I'll be sad, but only for five seconds, and I'll still love you all the same. Carol, you're a beautiful person inside, and no beauty in the world could compete with that.”

“You think you spend two nights with me and suddenly you know who I am? I'm sorry, Therese, but gosh, you can be so fucking arrogant and naive sometimes."

1...2...3...deep breath...deep breath...

God, I _hated_ it whenever she talks like this. Like I was a fucking child or something. But I chalked it up as her being scared and ignored the hurtful remarks. In a calming voice, I opened my heart to her, "You think I don't know you? Well, let's see. You're Carol fucking Aird, and you're smart, and successful, and assertive, and you're the most intelligent person in the room. Always. In any room. And I love that Carol. That Carol impresses the shit out of me. But that's not all, I also know the Carol that thinks 'Bring your children to work' is the best "holiday" of the year. Who didn't hesitate to throw out the pretentious paintings of some famous strangers to proudly put a shit ton of her daughter's art around her office. The Carol that lights up like the fourth of July whenever someone so much as mentions Rindy's name. That Carol is kind, and pure, and I often wonder if that Carol is real; because all my life, I have never witnessed such love."

The first rumble of thunder struck across the sky. Loud enough to make the entire ground we were standing upon shook a bit. Or was it my own ground shattering piece by piece?

"But most of all, I know the real Carol under all that tough exterior. I know how tender and vulnerable she really is. All the secret sighs that she does whenever she thinks nobody's looking. That defiant tone in her voice whenever her husband calls her at work. Those faraway and melancholic looks that adorn her face when she stares out the window...You're lonely, Carol. And I know it because I am the same. You need someone. Someone who you love that loves you back."

She looked down at her feet and digged something imaginary with her heel. And when she looked up, her eyes were hardened. Her shoulder tensed. The iciness in her voice could cut through glass.

"No, I don't."

Her walls were up again. And I almost gave up.

But you see, I'd read somewhere that brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep you out; they are there to give you a chance to show how badly we want something.

Brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want something badly enough. They are there to keep out the other people.

My wall was just over 5 feet 10 inches and absolutely beautiful.

And I refused to be the other people.

I had to try to scale it even if it means dying in the process.

“Yes, you do."

"No, I don't!"

"Yes, you do. Everybody does. Even the best of us."

“Don't you get it, Therese? I already have that someone, I’m married!” she held up her ring finger, as if it meant anything.  

“So what?"

"So what?" Her eyes widened at my nonchalance, "So plenty!"

"It doesn’t mean shit if you’re unhappy. You were thinking of taking a break from him. You wanted it to do it yourself, long before anything happens between us. What happened to that? Why are you suddenly so committed now?”

“Don’t you fucking dare…”

“Dare what?”

She huffed and ran her fingers through the golden locks.

"Things...are not always black and white, Therese. As you get older, you'll realize...you can't always have what you want."

"Maybe...but at least I know I give it everything I've got."

"Sometimes...it's still not enough. Sacrifices have to be made."

"Carol, please, stop overthinking it. If you want something in life, just reach out and grab it."

“It’s not as simple as that, Therese.”

“It is. Stop complicating things. Take a leap with me Carol. I know you feel something, too.”

“I can’t.”

“Yes you can.”

“I can’t! Stop saying things like this. I have told you from the start, I’m married. And I have every bit of intention to keep my vows. Sure, I broke it once. But only because I was drunk. I didn’t think clearly at the time and-”

“Don’t!” I screamed. “Don’t you dare downplay what we had! I specifically asked you if you were drunk. And you had said no. And I don’t fucking care what you say. What we had was beautiful, just like the night after the gala. There was something there. I don't know why you keep denying it but I didn't make us up okay? What we had was real, and I won't stand here another second listening to you tainting those memories."

“Therese…”

I walked up to her, cupping her cheeks in my palms, I said, “Carol Aird, I love you, and all I ever really want is to be wanted by you. And I know there are a shit ton of things that stand between us. But I promise I’ll always be there, and we'll get through everything, _together_."

She closed her eyes.

"If you love me then you have to tell me now, Carol. 'Cause there's nothing worse than not knowing."

The first raindrop fell.

And then another.

And another.

Until it was fulling like a fucking downpour upon us.

But still, she hadn’t said anything.

“Carol?” I pleaded. 

“I can’t, Therese. I can’t.”

Even though I was prepared to have my heart utterly crushed. To have her say she doesn't love me that way. Yet a small part inside of me had remained hopeful, hoping silently, pleading that, that would not the case.

Oh how stupid and naive I was. 

_She doesn't want you that way. She never did._

Casting my eyes downwards, I whispered, “You can, you just don’t want to.”    
  
"Don't say that, Therese. _Please_ , you have to understand..." she squeezed my hands so tightly it hurt. But I welcomed the pain, _just one last touch_ , I told myself. Just one last of her touch. 

And then I disentangled my hands from her, trying to fight back tears. "It's okay, I get it, Carol, you don't have to say anything else. I'm sorry for putting you in this situation. It won't happen again."

The anguish look in her eyes startled me at first, and my first instinct was to hug her tight and make everything go away; but then my insides boiled as I wondered why she look sad in the first place. _She_ was the one who pushed me away, wasn't she?

_Who gives her the right to be sad?_

_How dare she!_

I forced myself to keep my hands from reaching out and instead stepped away, away from this woman, away from this madness, away from all this pain. As I was about to open the door, I took a last look at her. If it was possible to be arrogant, optimistic, and totally miserable all at the same time, I think I might have pulled it off: “Look, I’m going to find a way to be happy. And fuck, Carol, I want nothing more than to be happy with you. But if I can’t be happy with you, I’m going to find a way to be happy without you.” 

“Therese...”

“Goodbye, Carol.”

And I still heard her calling out my name, but all I could focus on right now was keeping the tears at bay.

Only when I got to my desk did I realize how soaking wet I truly was. Weird. Had it really been raining that hard?

It didn't matter.

Nothing really mattered anymore. 

I could die tomorrow for all I cared.

My world was already shattered anyway.


	18. Absence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter to let you guys know I am still alive and well ;)
> 
> And thanks to the lovely @Superstar for throwing some ideas at me.

Never joke about dying.

Never.

Not even once.

Take me as an example. I had been sick as a dog for the past three days, constantly slipping in and out of consciousness. 

I think, in some twisted sense, it was a way of God saying: "Oh so you think getting rejected is the worst thing in the world? The worst? Are you sure? I mean, I know it sucks and all but _the worst?_ Even worse than getting hit by a bus? Even than getting acid thrown at your face? Even than having your leg bitten off by a great white shark? You know what, you ungrateful piece of shit, try dying for once before you utter another word about heartbreaks, okay? Fucking mortals and their fucking bullshit." 

It started the moment I got home that night. Thinking back, it was probably because instead of changing out of my soaking wet clothes as soon as I got home, I just curled up on the floor crying my eyes out. And then, what do you know, I ended up shivering and shaking and and coughing my lungs out barely a few hours later. And by midnight it seemed like I had thrown up everything I'd eaten for the past three years up. I couldn't even make it to the bathroom in time. It was a mess. 

Being sick is horrible. But being sick while you're alone is the worst. You feel all lonely and depressed and just  _unbelievably miserable._ And next comes the self-loathing. You start to wonder what a piece of shit you must be that you don't deserve anyone out of 7 freaking billion people.

Living is such a waste of time if you have no one to love you.

_Fuck! No more jokes about dying. I'm sorry God I'm so sorry!_

_Jesus._

//

But in spite of this awful depression that I'd been trapped in lately, I was pleasantly surprised to find out one thing.

Genevieve Cantrell was a total _angel_.

She had come by after work as soon as she heard I was out for the day, bringing along chicken soup and flowers and balloons, the whole nine yards. I almost dropped down on my knees and cried at the sight of her and her toothy grin. 

_Someone gives a damn about me!_

And instead of being majorly grossed out by my inability to keep any food longer than two hours in my stomach, she had been a saint and just laughed it off as she cleaned everything up. What did I ever do to deserve such a friend?

She even insisted on staying overnight. Until I got better, that is.

But even being basked in Genevieve's sunshine presence couldn't keep the nightmares away. I think there existed a really sinister and fucked up part deep inside my brain, and its fetishes must be to torment and toy with my mental health as much as it could. It was as if it was testing how much it can push me before I completely gave in and went over the edge. Having me gasping for air and quivering uncontrollably every night was its only goals it seemed.

As soon as I closed my eyes, I was immediately brought back to that afternoon. Always. 

But instead of me walking away, it had me on my knees while she laughed and laughed and laughed until I broke down and begged her to stop. But even then she wouldn't stop. No, she wouldn't; if anything, she seemed to get even more _cruel_ and _unkind_. And it continued to happen like that until Mr. Aird joined her and I would wake up screaming my lungs out.

But then Genevieve would hold me tight in her arms and whisper reassuring things until I fall asleep again, with tears still pitifully streaming down my face, of course.

Cantrell knew something was horribly wrong, but thankfully she never pushed it. She just let me be my pathetic self and act like nothing weird ever happened during the night.

_Have I said that she was a fucking angel?_

I had actually started to dread the day I got better. What if the nightmares never go away? What happens when Genevieve is no longer here to hold me? What if I have to be all alone every night? What if I could never forget _her?_

Why am I so fucking weak when it comes to her?

What kind of spell -

**_DING-DONG!_ **

The ringing doorbell snapped me out of my reverie. I started to get up and headed for the door. The headaches weren't so bad now; I was getting better, I could feel it.

_**DING-DONG!** _

"I'm coming I'm coming. Be patient for once, will ya?" I chuckled lightly. It was probably just Dannie, he had called earlier to ask about my wellbeing. "Wow thanks for showing up this late you dickhea-"

Oh.

I shut up immediately.

It was not Dannie. 

No.

No.

It wasn't.

_It was the Devil herself._

"Therese I-" she began but before she could say another word I had already slammed the door shut. 

_Oh my God._

_Oh._

_My._

_God._

_What is she doing here?_

_Breathe._

_Breathe._

_Goddamn it Belivet, breathe!_

_**DING-DONG!** _

I flinched, the closeness of the bell was almost enough to deafen me.

_**DINGGG-** _

"I'm sorry," I croaked as I opened the door, _again_ , "I'm so sorry, I don't know why I did that. It was extremely childish and stupid."

"It's...okay," she said softly.

Finally gaining enough courage, I nervously lifted my eyes to stare at her. At the cause of all my suffering. 

She was causing me pain by just standing here, not lifting a finger, not touching anything, just simply by existing. And yet, I felt like _dying_ all over again. 

"Won't you invite me in?" She asked, her voice quiet and unsure.

My eyes shifted to the ground, looking at everything and anything but her eyes. Her _goddamn_ beautiful eyes. 

The truth was, I didn't want her inside of my apartment. She was here once and everything had gone to shit ever since. Nothing good came out of it. And I was sure as hell it wouldn't be any different this time.

As if sensing the hesitation in my thinking, she pleaded, "Please, Therese...I promise I won't stay long," 

"I don't know if it's a good idea, Carol," I said quietly. I was not angry anymore, I was just tired. Very much so. I just wanted to have some dignity after last week's debacle. Why couldn't she allow me that? Why did she have to come here and ruin everything again?

"I just want to-"

"Belivetttttt why is your medicine still on the kitchen table? You know I am not fucking arou- holy shit Mrs. Aird?!?!"

If the situation wasn't already as tense and uncomfortable as it was then, I would have laughed my ass off at Genevieve's sudden high pitched chipmunk voice.

But apparently someone didn't find the situation as funny as I did. 

Carol's eyes grew twice the normal size and a flash of pure anger stormed across the grey irises before everything was swept away and she was back to being as cool as a cucumber.

"Good morning, Ms. Cantrell," Carol greeted nonchalantly.

"G-good morning, Mrs. Aird,"

"It's the first Saturday of the month, don't you have to be at the office today?"

"Uh n-no," Genevieve stuttered a bit before she finally snapped out of the initial shock, "Mr. Taylor offered to switch with me, it's his daughter's birthday next weekend."

"I see." Carol nodded, "Well, Ms. Cantrell, I have to say, it is rather a _surprise_ to find you here this early in the day," Carol added swiftly and tersely, as if the words had slipped out without her meaning to.

"Well, I spent the night, so..." Genevieve quirked her eyebrow challengingly, "Although, Mrs. Aird, it is just as much as a surprise for me to see you here."

Finally snapped out of my trance, I hurriedly interrupted, "Uhhhh - I think we have enough of introductions, yeah? Why don't we, uhm, just, uh-" I trailed off, not quite knowing what to do with what was in front of me yet.

"Ms. Belivet, I have something to discuss with you regarding an important case at work," Carol said firmly, leaving no space for discussion, " _alone_."

"Oh su-"

"Now wait a minute," Genevieve quickly interrupted, "What case? And I don't think it needs to be discussed alone, at all. I'm covering for Therese until she's back to work. If anything, you should be discussing it with me, Mrs. Aird." 

_Shit. What is happening?_

Carol's lips curled up into a wicked smile, and then slowly, she snarled, "With all due respect, I don't think this is any of your business, Ms. Cantrell. I just happen to trust Ms. Belivet more than you."

"Well Mrs-"

"And one more thing," Carol continued, and I swear the animosity in her tone could easily cut through five layers of glass, "Just because we are outside of work does not mean you could question my authority." 

_Double shit! WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING??_

"With all due respect, Mrs. Aird, I think you're just full of s-"

"Oh whoa whoa whoa haha," I laughed nervously and wasted no time in stepping between them, "Would you please excuse us a moment, Mrs. Aird?" I smiled apologetically at Carol and grabbed Genevieve's hand to drag her away.

"What the hell was that?" I questioned as soon as we were out of Carol's earshot.

"What the hell was that? What the hell was that?" Viv's eyebrows shot up, and she looked at me as if _I was the crazy one,_ "What the hell was _that_?" She pointed wildly at Carol, who was standing a few feet away, trying very hard to look like she was very interested in my old brown lamp by the window and totally _not_ listening in on our conversation, but I knew better.

"Would you stop pointing at her?" I screamed, and then lowered my voice, "No no, don't look over there!"

"What the hell is she doing here?"

"She's here for work, didn't you here that?"

"Work?  _Work_? Work! Do I look like a five-year-old to you?"

"I don't know but you're starting to act like one!"

"Oh so I am the one being unreasonable here?"

"YAH!" came my sarcastic reply, "Were you seriously about to tell our boss she's full of shit??"

"Don't you turn this around on me!" Viv shouted back, "And I'm glad you haven't forgotten the fact that she's our boss, Therese! What the fuck are you doing with her?"

"I'm not doing any-"

"Oh cut the shit!"

"It's not what you think..."

"I think it is exactly what I think. Have you lost your goddamn mind?"

"I...I...She...It's just..." I looked away, unable to come back with anything solid.

Viv opened her mouth, and I could see she was about to continue her angry rant when she suddenly stopped herself and her eyes widened, "Is..." she swallowed nervously, "Is...she the one responsible for all those nightly screaming sessions?"

My cheeks burned, and I fought to keep the tears at bay.

"Jesus no...Therese...Nooo...no, no, no." Viv closed her eyes and I almost cried at the disappointment in her voice. But after a while, she reached out for my hand and squeezed it lightly, "Do you know what you're doing, Therese?"

"I honestly don't know, Viv. I don't know anything anymore."

"She's our boss after all, Belivet, and you know how the world works. If things blow up, they're gonna be the ones walking away unscathed. It's only going to be ugly for you, Therese, you need to know that."

"Can...can we talk about this later, Viv? Please, I can't answer anything right now."

She sighed and bit her lip, trying very hard not to say anything else. Finally, she relented, simply, plainly, for she knew nothing could save me right now. I had already digged myself a hole a long time ago. "Do you need me here?"

I squeezed her hand back gratefully, "Thank you, but I can handle her alone."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive." I nodded my head weakly, as if to convince myself more than to her.

"Okay, then I'll go. But if you need anything, anything at all, I'm only one call away." She winked and gave me a quick hug, but then straightened her face and put on the meanest stare she could muster when she passed by Carol.

I shook my head and smiled.

That girl.

What did I ever do to deserve her?

As soon as the door shut quietly behind Viv, the air was again suffocatingly thick with tension.

I waited.

And waited.

And waited for her to say something.

But as always, that woman loved to make my life as difficult as she could.

_Alright, I'll go first I guess._

"Sooooooooo..." I shoved my sweaty hands into my pockets and cleared my throat nervously, "What is it that you want to discuss?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally going to be much longer. But as I am editing it + completing a test online at 12am, with great dismay I realize that the test is a lot more difficult than my naive brain has predicted and I could not do two things at once, so it has to be broken up in two chapters :) 
> 
> But hey, the good news is that the next chapter is probably gonna be up soon. Well, I'm not making any promises this time though, you guys already know how much of a promise-breaker I am!
> 
> Anyway, sorry for the long wait guys. Has it been over a month? Wait a minute, do you people even know what this story is about anymore? lol
> 
> Have a great day/night/afternoon, wherever you are, my babies. And until next time, take care! :>


	19. Hurt

"Sooooooooo..." I shoved my sweaty hands into my pockets and cleared my throat nervously, "What is it that you want to discuss?" 

"Uh..." Suddenly seemingly at a loss for words, Carol ran her hands through her hair nervously, "Uh...hmm...oh! The Rosenbaums!!! Yes, the Rosenbaum Firm. I, uh, assume you have managed to get a private meeting them before you were out?"

"Yes, of course. I wanted to interview the fund manager myself but I know how time sensitive this assignment is so I have Mr. Davis stepped in for me. Don't worry, or maybe you're not worried at all, but anyway, I would still be the one writing the article. Mr. Davis has actually emailed me the transcript an hour ago."

"Good...good," Carol answered distractedly. Then she requested to see the full transcript. While she was going over it, she asked me a couple of dull, mundane, routine, basic questions about the article. As I sat there and answered her, as patiently as I could, I couldn't help but feeling puzzled. This was way below her pay grade, she did not have to do any of this. As a matter of fact, she never did. What is she doing here?

"Yes, I already got the green light from Governor Ferret's office. I am scheduled for next week, morning of the 17th, it's going to be an extensive session of Q & A about his views concerning the political situation in the region and Sy-"

"I can't, I can't, I can,'t," Carol suddenly erupted and stood up in the middle of my sentence.

"-ria in particular..."

She started to pace back and forth, all the while running her hands through her hair frustratingly, "I _just can't!_ "

"Carol are you oka-"

"What on earth was she doing here?"

"What? Who?"

"Don't you "who" me," she growled, "Who else could it be?! Or do you have female _friends_ visit you all the damn time?" 

"Oh, you mean Genevieve?"

"Of course I meant Genevieve! What the fuck was she doing here?"

"What the fuck was she doing here?" I repeated incredulously, "What the fuck are _you_ doing here?"

"You didn't answer my question."

"You didn't answer mine either."

"Are you - are you fucking  _sleeping_ with her?" Carol spat the word, as if the mere thought of it was the most disgusting in the world to her.

"What?" My mouth dropped and my body froze. "How could you even - Why in the world - What could you possibly - Where did that even - How...just how...?!" My eyes didn't even blink for thirty seconds. At least. I was at a complete loss for words.

But as the initial shock wavered a little bit, I felt a storm of anger brewed and quickly took its place. 

All of a sudden I felt angry. I felt mad. I felt _degraded_ , _humiliated_ , that she even asked me this question.

I told her I loved her. How could she even think of this? Does she not take my words seriously? Does she think I'm a slut? Am I that _low_ in her eyes? 

My cheeks flushed, and I was practically fuming at this point. _How dare she!_

People say anger never does anyone anything good. And they are absolutely right. It only serves to cloud your judgement. As it does mine in the next moment when I spat back these words, "You know what, so what if I am?" 

"What did you just say?"

"I said, what if I am sleeping with her? What does it mean to you?"  

"You said you love me less than 48 hours ago!" Carol threw her hands up.

"And you said no to my face! I don't owe you anything Carol, I can sleep with anyone I want, whenever I want it!"

"You  _whore!_ " She snarled.

I gasped, and stumbled backwards a few steps, stunned by the viciousness and _cruelty_ laced in her voice. I had been called worse things in my life, but never, ever, had it ever affected it me this much.

But I would rather rip my arm apart than let her know that now.

"Well then this whore must be a fucking good one too in order for you to cheat on your precious husband with."

Her lips quivered, and her nostrils flared with anger, "You-you!"

The fact is, I wanted to cry. But crying was for later, when she was long gone from this room. So I clenched my fist, and held my head high.

"You know what, Belivet?" Enraged, she continued, "I actually believed you for a second, all the things you said that afternoon, I actually fucking believed it, like a fucking moron. But I guess I was wrong, you're nothing special. Just as _rotten_ as the rest of them!"

"Oh that's rich, coming from you," I snapped.

"Don't you dare use that tone with me."

"Don't tell me what to do!"

"You're fucking unbelievable!" she screamed, "And to think, to think, I actually _cared_ about you enough to come here. I can't believe it. I actually cared enough to drag my face over here. What a fucking fool I am!"

"I don't need your pity," I hissed coldly. "I don't want it, I never did, so take it and get the hell out of my apartment."

She stepped up, inches from my face, and snarled, "Gladly." She replied, equally cold.

We stood staring, challenging, _seething_ at each other. Neither of us willing to admit defeat.

And then it hit me.

Straight from my sinuses to my head.

Her perfume.

Her fucking _perfume_.

And I fought, really really hard, to stay conscious and mad at her, but it was already too late, the unwanted images and feelings had already seeped into my mind. And suddenly I was taken back to that night, that one night that forever changed my life.

// 

_"...Quand il me prend dans ses bras..."_

_A soft but persistent melody pulled me out of my peaceful slumber._

_"...Il me parle tout bas..."_

_I grimaced and buried my face deeper into the pillow, willing the noise to go away._

_"...Je vois la vie en rose..."_

_Finally accepting the fact that, whoever was singing at this ungodly hour, wasn't about to give up, I begrudgingly turned my body to face this rather annoying singer._

_"Il me dit des mots d’amour..."_

_"Stop singing that stupid song," I mumbled sleepily without opening my eyes._

_A soft and airy laugh echoed across the empty room. And even though I tried to keep the pout on my face, I couldn't help but broke character and smiled along with her, effectively ruining my plan to act like I was annoyed and irritated being woken up by her singing._  

Any ordinary person would have been embarrassed and stopped. Or at least apologized. But Carol Aird was anything but ordinary because she carried on singing all the same "...Des mots de tous les jours..."

_I felt her shifted besides me, and then a hot, gentle breath wafted across my face, I shivered involuntarily as she whispered seductively into my ears, "...Et ça me fait quelque chose..."_

_"Oh you think you're being cute?" I raised an eyebrow, "Do you know what time it is, Mrs. Aird?"_

_"What time is it, Ms. Belivet?" A mischievous glint danced across her eyes._

_"It's..." I sat up and glanced at the clock, "...Five o'clock."_

_"Wrong."_

_"What?"_

_"Wrong." She repeated arrogantly._

_"Excuse me, I think I know how to...Oh!" I yelped as her hand unexpectedly sneaked under the duvet._

_"Hm?" She asked cockily, "You were saying...?"_

_Soon her hand was touching me there, her fingers playing me, teasing me._

_"I-I-I was-Oh, god" My breath quickened, and I had a hard time catching my breath._

_Her movements were languid, her strokes lazy, it was as if she was almost bored. But I knew she was anything but bored, because the intensity burning behind those grey irises could take down the entire building._

_"Oh god oh god oh,...please, please..." As she began to pick up the pace, I started to plead, for what, I had no idea._

_"Yesssss, that's what I thought," she smiled that devious smile I had come to love and hate so much, "It's fuck o'clock, Ms. Belivet."_

_What the fuck is she doing to me? And more, how the hell is she able to work me up so quickly? We just did it barely twenty minutes ago. Aren't I the younger one here? Shouldn't I be more sexually ferocious? Shouldn't I be attacking her in the middle of the night instead of the other way around? This woman is a fucking animal!_

_"Don't you dare," she growled threateningly as I started to squeeze my legs together, "Don't you fucking dare..." Her other hand came up and effectively held me down in place, "I want you spread wide open for me, always..."_

_"Oh god..." Hearing her so demanding, so controlling, so dominant pushed me over the edge, and soon everything became too much I had to lean into her shoulders for support, my hands tangled in her hair and my nose greedily sought to bury deep inside those perfect golden locks of hers._

_Heaven, was my last coherent thought._

_//_

_"...It's wrong, Therese...we were just caught up in the moment..."_

_"...Cheat...you're young...future..."_

_"...Someone else...your age...free...unburdened..."_

_She was speaking, fast and hurried._

_I should have been listening. I really should have. Judging by the worried look on her face, she was telling me very important things. But for the life of me, I couldn't tear my eyes away from her golden hair. Everything else became meaningless. Noises. Statics._

_I missed them, terribly. Those beautiful golden locks of her. I wanted to bury my face in them again. To smell them again. They were so perfect in my hand._

_They were perfect now too, actually, even when they were wet with rain, even as she ran her hands roughly through them, pulling them, as she said she didn't want me._

_Oh how perfect they looked as she rejected me._

_How magnificent they looked as my heart shattered into a million pieces._

//

As soon as the realization hit, I jolted back to reality. The vision might have only been a few seconds for as far as I know, but I felt like I'd been trapped in that dream for eternity. And suddenly I had no will to fight with her anymore.

_What's the fucking point?_ I asked myself. I had already lost anyway. Epically. Completely.

_Arguing with her won't win her back. Fighting with her won't make her want me. Hurting her won't make any of this easier._

So I broke her gaze, and stumbled back until I hit the sofa with a dull thud.

Sighing heavily, I asked, "Why are you here, Carol? Really."

"Can't a friend visit you anymore?"

"Is that what we are?" I snorted, "Friends?"

She knitted her eyebrows, after a few seconds, she replied "I mean...I hope so..."

I sighed and lifted my eyes to look straight into hers, "We're not friends, Carol. We have never been friends, and we will never be. Don't you get it? I'll never be able to be "just friends" with you, Carol. I wish I could, but I _can't_."

A look of pain and sadness flushed in Carol's face. She dropped her head, and lifted it again, glancing quickly at me to read a hidden meaning in my admission. Then she turned away and stared across the room, out into the open sky from the window.

"I got worried," she began slowly, tentatively, "You didn't go to work the next day after...that. And nobody told me anything. I mean, sure, they told me you were sick. But of what? I want to know what kind of disease you're having. I want to know if someone's taking care of you. I want to know if I could do anything to help. And then the next few days when you still didn't show up, doubt and anger got to me. I started to wonder if you were even telling the truth about getting sick. Are you just avoiding me? I want to know that...no...I _need_ to know that. I don't know, I just got worried!"

I sighed and dropped my head in my hands. An uncomfortable silence settled upon us.

"Please, Therese," she pleaded, "Say something...I need to know what you're thinking."

"You're making this very hard, Carol."

"What is?"

"Accepting your rejection. Respecting your choice. Forgetting you. Moving on. You're making all of this very difficult by being here. I'm tired, Carol. I really am."

"Bu-"

"Why are you doing to me? You don't want me? Fine. Then let me grieve in peace. You're sending the wrong message by being here!" 

"I genuinely care about you Therese. Just because I don't think we should be together doesn't mean I don't feel _something_ for you."

"Who does that?" I shouted heatedly, "Who rejects someone straight to their face and then shows up the next day to say they care about them? Who does that? How _cruel_ do you have to be to do such a thing?"

She flinched at the unexpected venom in my accusations, "Therese please, I'm not trying to be cruel to you, that's the last thing I want to do. I do care about you, I just want to offer-"

"That's what you do, isn't it?" I snickered bitterly.

"What do you mean?"

"You don't want me, Carol, you never did," I shook my head and laughed to myself, "But you still play with me, keep me on a leash, so to speak. You feed me enough so I can't stray from you but that's it, you'll never give me more because you don't want me!" 

"No, that's not it at all. I never want to string you along, please, _please_ Therese, you have to believe me. I just want to be your friend, I just want to be there for you...in some way. God, this is hard for me too, you know!"

"I don't want to be your friend, Carol!"

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I regretted it immediately. Carol looked like I had just slapped her in the face.

"I mean...not for now at least. One look at you and I'm dead inside." I chuckled sadly at my pathetic confession.

"Is this how it's gonna be from now on?" She asked, her voice small and uncertain, "It it going be as if we are just two strangers?"

"Isn't that exactly what you wanted?"

She lowered her head in embarrassment and spoke quietly, "You know I never wanted that..."

We were quite again, each of us lost in our own thoughts, neither of us know how to handle the situation.

As I gazed at her, for a moment, just for a brief moment, I could almost pretend everything was alright. She was just Carol, and I was just Therese. Nothing more, nothing less. Just two simple humans enjoying each other's company without any strings attached. She wasn't married. And I wasn't heartbroken. And I liked it. I liked talking to her. I liked being close to her. I liked it all. A bit too much for my own good. I could literally feel my heart starting to constrict again at the thought of her leaving.

And that was my cue. I had to end this now.

"Thank you for checking on me, Carol. I appreciate it, I do, but I still need you to leave."

_Before I do anything crazy. Like begging you to stay._

She looked up, her eyes tired and red, but she nodded anyway.

"And I'd like to keep things strictly professional between us. So please, please, don't ever come here again. I'm sorry things have to be this way but I don't see any other option for us."

"Is that what you want, Therese? I'll do it...only if that's what you want."

_No. That's not what I want. All I want is to hold you and never let you go. Why do you even have to ask that?_

But I said none of those things and just let my silence answer her question.

_It's better this way_ , I tried to tell myself.

Carol sighed and grabbed her coat, and I followed her out wordlessly. When we reached the doorstep, she turned around and said, "I just wanted to see you, Therese. Just that. No other agenda. I missed seeing you at the office. And even though we don't talk anymore, just seeing your face is enough to get me through the day. God, I just miss you so much."

The emotion that had leaked into her voice stunned me, and I had to lean into the door to support myself. She was standing so close, just one tiny step and I would be in her arms. I held my shaky breath and looked up at her. She looked so sincere and for a moment I said nothing, did nothing. I couldn't break my gaze away from hers and she couldn't either. The urge to reach out to her almost overwhelmed me, but I knew it would make her uncomfortable, knew that it wasn't what she wanted. I wasn't sure I wanted it either, she'd proved how easily she could hurt me. Over and over again.

So I held my hand over my heart and crushed any hope I still had left for us. 

"Goodbye Carol..." I said before closing the door defeatedly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are better than Carol Aird singing French songs to you in bed...leave one! (￣▽￣)


	20. Possibility

"Hey, Belivet!" I briefly looked up from the screen to see Genevieve poking her head in, "You didn't drive today right?"

"No," I shook my head, "Was extremely lazy this morning, why?"

"Okay so, I'm heading out in a few minutes, you want to get to the restaurant together?"

"Hmmmm..." I replied distractedly.

"Belivet!"

"Yes!"

"Listen when I'm talking to you, you prick!"

"All right all right," I chuckled lightly and stopped typing, "Speak. You have my full attention now, milady."

"You're unbelievable," she shook her head, "Anyway, I thought it'd be convenient if I just drive you there. Try to wrap it up quickly okay? I'll wait."

"Wait - what? Where are we going?"

"Please tell me you didn't forget we're getting a couple drinks tonight at Rico's."

"Uh...."

"With Annie?"

"Uh...."

"And Emily?"

"Uh..." I scratched my head. 

"Therese!" she exclaimed.

"What?"

"You promised!" 

"I did no such thing."

"You did!"

"No I did not!"

"All right, so you never said it explicitly, but I think we can all agree that "Oh it sounds fun, I'd go if I'm free" sounds like a pretty damn strong "yes" to me."

"In what universe does that ever sound like a yes, let alone a strong one?!"

"In this universe!"

"And you forgot the most important part of that sentence,  I said if - and only if I were free," I pointed at the stack of papers on my desk, "Do you see that? Do you see how "free" I am right now?"

"Oh come on! You never go out with us anymore," she pouted.

"What are you talking about?" I scoffed, "I go out with you like...all the time."

"Oh yeah? When? Name one occasion in the last 30 days, I dare you. Name one!"

"Like I said, not tonight Vie. I actually have stuff to do."

"You have been working late for the past three weeks. What else can you _possibly_ work on?"

"Work is a never ending cycl-"

"Oh my god, live a little grandma!" She threw her hands up, "Tell me honestly Belivet, when was the last time you had fun?"

"I _do_  have fun! Like, all the time," I protested defiantly, "All day. Every day." 

"Yeah right," she rolled her eyes exasperatedly.

"Anyway, get off my back already. It's because of hard-working people like me that make the job easier for you."

She hopped up on the table and snatched my laptop away.

"Hey!" I shrieked, "Give it back!" 

She stuck her tongue out and proceeded to do the world's worst imitation of Jack Nicholson, "All work and no play makes Therese a dullllllllll girl." 

"Jesus fuck," I mumbled under my breath.

"Come on Belivet. I don't remember it anymore, but I think," she held up a finger, "I _think_ , you weren't always like this."

Now it was my turn to roll my eyes.

"It's just dinner and a couple of drinks, Therese. Trust me, it would do you some good. Hell, you don't even need to stay for drinks. Just dinner. On me. How about that?"

"I don't know, Vie. I still have some stuff to take care of an-"

"You're going to have a blast Therese, trust me. As a matter of fact," she unexpectedly leaned down until her face was just inches from mine and whispered, "I will make it my top mission to have you laughing so much by the end of the night you'll end up hating yourself for bitching so much right now."

I immediately felt her warm breath on my cheek, and my personal space was quickly assaulted by the lingering scent of her bubble gum and sweet perfume. For a moment or two, I completely forgot what it was that we were talking about.

"What?" A cheeky grin spread arrogantly across her face, "Cat's got your tongue?"

"D...." I blinked, snapping out of it, "Don't be ridiculous!"

"Me. You. Food. And wine. What can you possibly ask for more in a foursome?" 

Despite myself, I giggled, "As tempting as that sounds, I'm afraid I still have to give it a pass, Ms. Cantrell."

"What are you afraid of, Belivet?" Her hand reached out and she lifted my face up with her finger, "Are you afraid you're gonna have _too much_ fun?"

"Why would I be afraid of that?"

"I don't know, why don't you tell me?" She arched an eyebrow, challenging me, "You know I make you laugh, I make you happy, and we both know damn well that you'll have fun tonight with me. So what's stopping you?"

"Vie, I don't - I mean, I...I..." I struggled for words as my breathing started to quicken. 

Confused by my body's reaction, I decided to put some much needed distance between us by turning my head away but she refused to budge and held it firmly, forcing me to look straight into her eyes, "Come with me tonight," she asked softly.

"I..."

"Stop resisting me, Belivet," she said, barely above a whisper, "Stop resisting me..."

All traces of teasing a moment ago was gone now, and for the first time since I met her, she was being completely serious.

I was at a complete loss. What should I do? This wasn't the Genevieve I know. She was asking, no, _demanding_ something from me, and I was scared to find out if I even had what she was seeking for.

"Genevieve...W-What are you saying...?"

Her eyes darted from my eyes to my lips and I held my shaky breath. I’m not sure how long we stood there, but with each passing second the tension was becoming unbearable.

Just as I was about to make my next move, the door was burst wide open.

I almost jumped out of my fucking seat.

A split second of silence, with Genevieve's and my face inches away from each other, then my brain sprung into action.

"H-Ha-ha...-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA," I swatted Genevieve's face away, "GREAT STORY CANTRELL! OH MY GOD HAHAHA YOU HILARIOUS PERSON YOU!"

Genevieve knitted her eyebrows together in confusion and looked at me like I was fucking insane. Maybe I was. But thankfully she decided to go along and just shrugged her shoulder.

"Now get out you, hahahahaha, you absolute mad man!" I continued to laugh hysterically while clumsily nudged her off the table, "Thanks for stopping by buddy but I am very busy and trying to do work he-" My sentence trailed off as Genevieve's body moved a bit to the right, finally allowing me to see who it was that just barged in. 

"M-Mrs. Aird??" I swallowed hard. The coldest shiver ran down the entire length of my spine. 

She was standing at the door, her arms crossed tightly across her chest. There was hardly any emotion on her face, but there was unmistakably a certain deathly stillness to it.

Her expression right now wasn't any different from the ones that I came across daily. As a matter of fact, it was a pretty standard Ice Queen Carol Aird's expression I would say. But her eyes. Jesus _her eyes_. They were the ones that worried me the most.

Her usual crystal clear blue irises had darkened significantly, they were now almost a shade of charcoal. And there were so many emotions brewing behind those eyes, I couldn't quite pinpoint exactly what it was that she was feeling.

Anger? Resentment? Hatred?...And a tiny bit of... _disappointment?_

I gulped nervously.

Next to me, I heard Genevieve grunted an angry expletive under her breath, but maybe I'd imagined it, because when I turned to look at her she was smiling broadly, "Hello, Mrs-" 

"Ms. Belivet," Carol rudely cut her off, "I need to talk to you, _now_."

"No problem, Mrs. Aird," I nodded several times, "Genevieve was just about to lea-"

"In _my_ office," she added emphatically.

I nervously wiped my hands on my skirt and stood up, "Of course, ma'am."

"Mrs. Aird?" 

"Yes, Ms. Cantrell?"

"I am not trying to be rude, but is this meeting going to be long? Because, as you know, Therese and I are just about to get dinner  _together."_

"Ge-" I started to speak.

"Yes," Carol interjected, firmly and coldly. "It's going to be long. So why don't you go ahead and head out first, Ms. Cantrell?"

"You do know it's past working hours, right? It is terribly rude of me to be this nosey, but may I ask what is so urgent that you just can't wait until tomorrow?"

"I'm glad at least you're self-aware, Ms. Cantrell," the corner of Carol's mouth lifted up into a condescending smile, "It is none of your business and you're being terribly nosey. Normally I wouldn't tolerate this kind of unprofessional behavior in my office, on or off the clock, but I'll let it pass tonight."

"Oh how awfully nice of you," Genevieve retorted.

"But you're right, Ms. Cantrell, work ended a few hours ago, and I have no right to ask either of you to stay. So Ms. Belivet," she addressed me without even a single glance in my direction, her eyes firmly trained Genevieve, "You are free to leave with Ms. Cantrell if you want."

"Oh" I looked back and forth between Carol and Genevieve, "I..."

"I promise I won't say anything if you choose to leave right now, Ms. Belivet."

"Uh..." I hesitated, "It's okay Mrs. Aird, I can stay for a while longer."

"Are you sure, Ms. Belivet?" Still not looking at me.

"Yes, I'll be here as long as you need."

"I guess that settles it. Do you have anymore questions, Ms. Cantrell?" 

Genevieve didn't say anything to that and just continued to stare straight at Carol for awhile. No, that was wrong, she didn't just stare, it was something _more_ than that.

I don't know what exactly Genevieve was thinking at that moment, but if I had to describe it, I'd say it was something between extreme melancholy and unadulterated anger. And it scared me, because for a second I really believed she was about to do something that could cost her her job.

But just as I was about to intervene, she suddenly cracked a wide smile, and stood up. 

"I guess I'll go and leave you two to work," she turned to face me, "See you later?"

"I do-"

Without even waiting for my answer, Genevieve swiftly walked towards me and placed a kiss on my cheek, effectively cutting me off.

My eyes widened to twice of their sizes, and before I was able to react, she was already walking away.

"Have a good night, Mrs. Aird," she said as she walked past Carol.

As I continued to watch Cantrell's retreating form in absolute confusion, my hand absentmindedly came up to touch my right cheek, the spot where her lips had just been moments ago.

_What the **fucking fuck**  was that all about? _

But before I had time to think anymore on it, Carol was already walking away.

"Mrs. Aird?"

She ignored me and continued to storm off in evident anger.

"W-wait! Mrs. Aird" I shouted and ran after her, trying to catch up. But let's face it, she was ridiculously tall, and her strides were stupidly long, it was only a short time before she managed to put what seemed like miles between us. 

_Damn it slow down woman!_

When she reached her office, she kicked the door open so forcefully that it swung back and forth several times and almost hit my face as I was trailing behind her.

"W-Why..." _Huff. Huff._ "...did you walk..." _Huff. Huff. "..._ so freaking fast..." _Huff. Huff. "...for..." _Huff. Huff.__

I was bent over by the door, my hands on my knees, "Jesus," I panted, "Is there a ghos-"

As I began to look up and finally took in the scene in front of me, my mouth dropped and I suddenly lost the ability to talk.

Her calm and collected demeanor a few moments ago had changed completely and her face contorted in an all-consuming anger; her nostrils flaring, her eyes flashing and closing into slits, her mouth quivering - she was a force to be reckoned with.

"Mrs-Mrs. Aird?...Is everything...oka-"  
  
Her hands closed into fists and she leaned forward, daring me to say another word.

I immediately clamped my mouth shut and lowered my head like a lost puppy.

_Dammit!_

_All this time I have been practicing over and over and over again - talking in front of the mirror, in the kitchen, in the shower, in my bed, on the subway, in the car,...all those precious hours spent talking to myself - vanished into thin air. I have been obsessing about this ever since she walked out of my apartment. It was all I could think about - exacting my sweet revenge. I wanted to show her I'm fine without her, that I am even stronger than before, that I don't need her in my life. I have not one, but at least a hundred_ _sketches of different reactions and greetings, for various types of scenarios and situations, all prepared and ready to go, precisely for this exact fucking moment - the moment when I finally stand in front of her again. And this was how I handled it???? Breathless and tongue-tied, with my fucking tail between my legs????? Great job, Belivet, great fucking j-_

"Do you really need to do that?" she seethed.

"What?" 

"Do you want to embarrass me, Belivet? Is that what you want?" She continued furiously.

I had no idea why she was so livid at me, and I wanted to ask what her problem was, but her eyes were so intimidating, all the words just got stuck in my throat.

_It's just a conversation, Belivet, get your shit together. And stop breathing like a damn animal, you're such an embarrassment to the human kind!_

"What," I cleared my throat, "What are you talking about, Mrs. Aird?"

"Stop acting dumb all the goddamn time!" Her eyes flashed with pure rage, "You're not so innocent, you know?"

My heart was pounding like it wanted to escape my ribcage, and I was sure if it it kept up at this pace, I would have a heart attack soon enough.

"Mrs. Aird, please, I have n-"

"Are you trying to hurt me? Is that what you're doing?"

"I'm n-"

"Well then CONGRATU-FUCKING-LATIONS!" She exclaimed, "You have succeeded! Aren't you just proud of yourself right now? Should I get you a fucking prize or something? Yeah, do you want that? Do you want a prize? Or better yet, a certificate? How does that sound? Huh?! A nice little certificate embedded in an equally nice fucking golden frame? It even has a nice little hole in the back so you hang it nicely on the wall of fam-"

"Mrs. Aird you need to ca-"

"DON'T tell me to calm down!" she slammed her fist down the table, causing me to jump, "Don't you fucking tell me to calm down!"

"All right, all right," I put my hands up in front of me, "You don't need to calm down. Hell, calm up if you want."

"Oh you think you're soooooooooo funny, don't you?" She snapped, "Is everything a joke to you?"

"Okay I didn't say that..."

"You could have had anyone, Belivet. Anyone!" She stormed about the room, "Anyone in this godforsaken planet, but no, no, no" Her sinister laugh filled the quiet room, "You just have to choose her, don't you?"

"Choose who?"

"Of course it _has_ to be her...Because you fucking know that would get the most out of me!"

Okay, I'm not gonna lie, I am starting to legitimately fear for my life right now. She wasn't making any sense and her stares felt painful and piercing, as if her glare was tearing me apart with a blinding teal light.

"You _know_ ," she gritted through her teeth, "You know what being with her would do to me, and you still do it anyway? Right in this office? Just to spite me?"

I unconsciously took a step back.

"Cantrell, that Cantrell..." she mumbled with her eyes closed, more to herself than to me, "Tell me....I need to know, Belivet."

"What? What do you want to know?"

"Are you just trying to hurt me..." She took a deep breath, and when she opened her eyes again, she looked surprisingly vulnerable and defeated, "...or do you really...love...her...?"

And then it was as if someone _finally_ decided to turn on the light bulb in my head. Everything started to come together. 

Of course.

Of course.

Of fucking course.

"Is this-?" I pinched the bridge of my nose, "Is this what you kept me here for? There's no work discussion...right?"

She bit her lower lip and looked away.

"For fuck's sake," I shook my head, "I can't believe I fell for this all over again!" 

"Just answer the damn question and then you can go."

"I don't know if anyone has had the guts to say it yet, but Mrs. Aird? You really fucking need to pull your head out of your ass," I snapped. 

"You still haven't my answer, Belivet. I need to hear it, from your mouth."

"So fucking stupid of me..." I muttered, "So, so fucking stupid."

"Answer me! At least have the decency to own up to i- Hey! Hey" She shouted as I angrily turned away and headed for the door, "What do you think you're doing?"

"What do you think, genius?" I quipped, "I'm getting out of here!"

"Stop it! Don't you dare leave this room, Therese Belivet!"

"Try me." I spat before turning on my heels.

But she was quicker than me and just as I was about to turned the knob, she violently slammed the door shut and growled threateningly, "I _said_ stop." 

"Let me out!" I tried to reach for the door again but this time she grabbed my hands and pinned them behind my back.

"Would you stop it?" She hissed, "I just want to talk."

"I'm done talking with you!" My tone was rising, I wasn't about to back down.

"The conversation is over when I say it is," She gritted through her teeth, "Do. You. Understand?"

"Go fuck yourself, Carol Aird." I spat, trying to yank my hands free from her.

"Stop struggling, you're embarrassing yourself."

"Let. Me. GO!" I roared up at her, pushing and thrashing against her strong figure.

But she didn't budge at all, staring down at me as I struggled, almost enjoying herself.

"I'm gonna scream!" I threatened, "Don't test me. I'll do it. I'll fucking do it!"

"Go on. Scream. As loud as you can. See if anyone can hear it." Her jaw clenched as she tightened her grip on me and I fought to suppress a whimper at the pain she was causing.

“Y-you’re hurting me,” I finally breathed.

Her eyes immediately shifted from anger to concern and she quickly released her grip to examine where she was so painfully holding me, "I'm so sor-"

But as soon as she let go of my wrist, I reached for the door knob again.

"Goddammit!" She shouted as she clamped the door shut again, "Why are you so fucking stubborn?"

"Oh I am the stubborn one? ME? ME?" I screamed wildly, "ME? THE ONE WHO'S JUST TRYING TO LEAVE PEACEFULLY BUT SOMEONE IS BEING A HUGE FUCKING DICK RIGHT NOW AND STANDING IN FRONT OF MY WAY? OH YEAHHHH, I AM SOOOOOO STUBBORN. ME! _ME!_ FOR FUCK'S SAKE HOW CAN YOU EVEN SAY THAT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE? THE NERVE OF SOMEBODY!"

She let me have my fit for awhile before she pinned my wrists against the wall, above my head, using only one hand.

I was backed up against the wall, there was no where else to go. How could I get out? How the fuck did I end up here? I knew this was a bad idea from the start!

"I'm gonna report you, Mrs. Aird. Don't think I don't have the guts to do it. Let me go right now or I'm going t-"

But Carol said nothing and just continued to lean forward, closer and closer. As she stared straight into my eyes, my breathing became erratic, "I-I'm-I'm-I'm...going to r-report-t-t-t..."

She gently lifted her hand to caress my cheek, her face inches away from mine. The whole world seemed to stop just before she spoke.

"Therese..." She whispered, and for the first time in these two hellish weeks, she smiled at me. A very, very _sad_ smile that would have broken my heart if I wasn't so furious at the moment. "What am I ever going to do with you?"

"Carol..." 

And then suddenly her hands were engulfing my face and the next thing I knew her lips were crashing into mine.

Before I even had the chance to response, her tongue was already forcing its way into my mouth, and I had no choice but to give in completely. 

A moan filled the silence of the room, and I was unsure if it had come from her or me. But I didn't care. Nothing, nothing mattered anymore.

As soon as her tongue intertwined with mine, I lost control of everything. My knees buckled and if she hadn't been holding me, I would have fallen for sure. Her lips were so demanding and addictive, I just couldn't get enough of her. As she slowly started to pull back, I whimpered a little, completely upset that she had done so; but she started nibbling my ear and I nearly died once again. 

"You're mine," she rasped, "You're mine...do you hear that?"

The heady combination of her scent surrounding me and the hot press of her lips against mine sent shockwaves of pleasure coursing through my body. All I could see was Carol, all I could touch Carol, all I could feel was Carol, and Carol alone.

"Mine..." she growled, "...and only mine."

And then something in my brain snapped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally supposed to be very short, but since I know I won't be back again for a long time, I decided to make it longer :) And just in case I don't see you again before Christmas, happy holidays my babies! (≧◡≦)
> 
> Last but not least: Reviews are better than Mrs. Aird pinning you against the wall, leave one! ;)


	21. Snap

"Mine..." she growled, "...and only mine."

As soon as I heard those words spilling out of her lips, my brain snapped and I instantly fell out of the spell I was put under.

_'Mine'?_

_'Mine'?_

_What does she mean?!_

_What the fuck does she possibly mean?_

_What's happening?_

"Do you have any idea how long have I been wanting to do this?" She purred seductively as she continued with her maddening administrations, completely oblivious to my inner turmoil. 

"Well?" She prompted, her breath tickled the tiny hairs of my ear and I shivered involuntarily. Her lips traced a sloppy and voracious path down the side of my neck, driving me nuts despite my best efforts, "I'm waiting, Therese."

If it weren't for the fact that my mind was hopelessly fighting its way out of this lust-induced daze, I would have fallen at her feet by now.

But...wasn't that what I wanted? To have her close to me? To be wrapped up in her arms again? To give in to her? 

_No, it wasn't! What the fuck are you thinking?_

_And more importantly, what are you **still** doing here? She is using you again! _

_Open your eyes Belivet, open your eyes, open them you squinted eyed motherfucker!_

_You are too smart to fall for her tricks!_

My eyes instantly shot wide open, startled by the heartbreaking realization:  _It's true. She is just using me again._

I blinked rapidly as my brain slowly, but surely, came out of this intoxicating cloud she had put me under.

"Oh god," I gasped.

_What am I doing!?_

"Oh god, oh god, oh god," I chanted, panicked and horrified at situation I had managed to put myself in. 

_This is happening all over again._

_Oh no oh no._

_I **can't** let it happen._

But she must have mistaken my frustrated cries for pleasure because the next thing I knew, she had moved on to kissing and nibbling my left ear, her teeth grazing my skin, causing me to make a small noise very much like a moan. Before I could take another breath, her lips met mine and I was lost to her touch.

"Everyday. Every fucking day..." she mumbled to herself as she pushed me up against the wall, pinning my body down with hers and let her hands roam everywhere, no holding back. I moaned into her mouth as her cold hands caressed my heated, burning skin. She pulled back, breaking off the kiss, and pressed her lips to my collarbone. I sucked in a deep breath and arched my back against the wall, giving her more access.

"More...more..." I demanded urgently, my fingers roughly and wildly woven deep in her golden locks.

She smirked against my skin, completely proud of herself for having this kind of effect on me, and started to slide down my body.

"No," I panted heavily, "Come back...Come back here." Without waiting for her response, I blindly grabbed for her face to pull her back up.

All I knew was that I _must have_ her lips at that moment.

_Wait a minute, what the fuck?_

_What the fuck, dude?!_

_What happened to coming out of the "intoxicating cloud"?!!_

_Whatever the fuck happened to it?!_

"Oh god," I grimaced as a splitting pain shoot across my brain, "Oh god."

I needed to do something, it dawned on me, before I lose my freaking mind over this crazy inner battle, that is.

_But does it really have to be now? She tastes so good and she smells just righ-_

_Make up your damn mind you stupid weak donkey ass -_ my brain screamed.

_Don't give in to her, goddammit do you hear me!?_

_Do._

_Not._

_Give._

_In._

_To._

_Herrrrrrr._

Even though all I wanted to do was shutting my brain down and just let go and enjoy this rare moment with her. Who knows when this would happen again? In fact, it may never happen again, not in this life time!

But no matter how much I try to deny it, deep down I knew I have to do the right thing. She was just toying with me, and I have too much self-respect to allow her to do so.

"No..." I protested weakly.

But she mustn't have heard me because her hands were now boldly and determinedly making their ways up the inside of my shirt. I gasped when she palmed me over my bra, as she raised her face to look at me. She licked her lips seductively as her eyes bore into mine, knowing exactly what she was doing to me.

"Oh god," I mumbled helplessly as I began to realize which side is winning this internal conflict.

"God yes...Carol..." Writhing and arching my back, I eagerly encouraged her to go on, "Yes...yes..."

And then I leaned down, about to help her with the buttons of my shirt when I realized she was gripping my waist, trying, rather unsuccessfully, to slow my hip's frantic movements against hers.

_Wait, have I been grinding against her this whole time? Ha, of course dummy, that's why it feels so goo- Wait, no. No! No! NO!_

"Stop!" I finally, _finally_ , managed to get the damn word out, "Stop it. Jesus, just stop."

With unbelievable self-control that I didn't even know I possess, I placed the hands that were in her hair just moments ago on her chest and shoved her away from me with a hard push.

"G-get off me!" I demanded, my voice trembling and uncertain.

Carol immediately froze all of her actions and stood staring at me, wide-eyed and confused.

"Wha...what happened?" Panicked, she asked. 

With her lips red and swollen from my kiss, her eyes glazed over with lust, and her perfectly coiled hair now unruly disheveled - she looked like a fucking sex goddess. And boy did I want to go back in time and undo whatever the fuck that I just did.

But I soldiered on, nevertheless.

My hands clenched into fists and I shook my head fiercely as I struggled to clear my head.

"Get away from me." I ordered, but it sounded weak and pathetic even to my own ears.  

Catching her breath, she asked in disbelief, "Therese, what's wrong?"

"You can't," I rubbed my eyes frustratedly, "You just can't - It's not fair."

"Oh Therese," she came in closer again and cupped both of my cheeks in her hands, causing me to instinctively melt into her touch.

 _Don't be such a slut!_ My brain screamed at my body. _She's manipulating you yet again!_

Closing my eyes, I tried again, "Carol...?" 

"Yes, darling?" 

"Don't touch me." I told her, my voice surprisingly calm and even.

"Therese," she sighed heavily, "don't be l-"

"I said don't touch me!" I screamed bloody murder as I swatted her hand away.

But as soon as my hand touched hers, I regretted doing so immediately. Carol staggered back in disbelief, looking completely crushed and rejected.

For a moment or so, we just stood there, staring at each other, neither of us knew what to make of what just happened. A tension quickly built between us.

"I'm-I'm sorry," I finally blurted, "I didn't mean to do that, are you okay?"

She didn't say anything and continued to stare at my blankly.

"Carol, I'm really sorr-"

"It's okay," She dismissed my apology as her left hand absentmindedly came up to rub the newly formed red spot where my hand had hit her. 

"Just, just don't touch me Carol," I mumbled under my breath, my eyes guiltily trained down at the floor .

' _I can't handle your touch.'_ I wanted to say, but I held my tongue and settled for another lame apology instead. 

"It's fine," She replied, her voice flat and detached.

 _Oh no, her walls are up again. Oh no oh no oh no._ I realized in frustration.  _Goddammit._

It only took one stupid action from me for her to shift into the cold and unemotional Ice Queen mode again. I couldn't decide if I was frustrated at her or at myself more. 

"I am really sorry Ca-"

"I said it's fine," she angrily cut me off , "Just stop it it, would you?"

My mouth opened and closed a couple of times but I decided to keep my mouth shut. 

"Now," she said after a moment, "Would you tell me what just happened, Belivet?"

Gathering up every single ounce of bravery I have, I finally dared a look at her, trying to gauge her reaction. 

There were many things I wanted to tell her, but in that moment I couldn't utter a single word and instead just casted my eyes down to the floor again. Trying, in vain, to figure out what the hell was wrong with me.

She took a few deep breaths and tried again, a bit more impatient and with an edge to her tone this time, "What is it, Belivet?" 

"What...were you doing, Carol?" I asked timidly.

"What was I doing?" she repeated mockingly, "Well, can't you tell?"

"No, of course I can tell, it's just...I mean - You were..." As if on cue, I began to stammer like a fool, "It's just...and then you - You...what's up with that? You were k-k-k-k-ki- I mean, what the hell, Carol? Why. Why. Why did you do it?"

"Jesus Christ, you can't even say it properly?" She pointed out angrily.

My cheeks burned and I ignored her remark, "Just answer me."

"Is kissing me that embarrassing?"

"No, of course not," I tried to explain, "You know how I fee- Anyway, that's not the point. I...I just want to know why in the world you did it."

"Why?"

"Yes, Carol, why?"

"I don't know," She answered with an air of indifference, which infuriated me immediately. 

"What do you mean you don't know?" I glared at her.

"I just don't," she quipped, "What do you want me to say?"

My first instinct was to tell her to fuck off, but I didn't want to get into another argument with her. We'd had enough of them already.

Taking a few deep, shaky breaths, I gave it some serious thinking before answering her, "I want...I want you to tell me the truth...you owe me that much."

She stared at me for a few seconds before closing her eyes and sighing heavily. And when she opened them again, she began to speak, softer this time, "I really don't know Therese...I was standing there...and you were standing there. And your lips were just...right in front of my eyes. And it just...I don't know...happened an-"

"Oh. Oh. Oh. OH!" I cried out, "So it was out of _convenience_?"

"No I didn't sa-"

"Fuck you!" I walked up to her face and spat out. 

"I really don-"

"Fuck. You!" I gritted through my teeth, my voice laced with contempt.

Her jaw tightened and she ran a hand through her thick, blonde hair in a gesture I recognized as one that she automatically did whenever she was trying to suppress her anger, "Therese...come on," she tried again.

"Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you." I repeated, louder and louder until I was practically screaming, and this time with an accompanying shove in between. 

"Hey-hey-hey-HEY!" She grabbed my hands and locked them, "That's enough, missy. That's quite enough!" 

"Who do you think you are?" I pressed on aggressively, "Do you think so highly of yourself that you think could just waltz in and kiss whoever you like? And get away with it? Who the _**fuck**_ do you think you are?"

"Therese," She said in a slightly patronizing voice shaped by far too many experiences, "You need to calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down!"

"I know this soun-"

"I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I FUCKING HATE YOU!" 

"Alright you know what?" She fired back, "You're not so fucking charming yourself right now, do you know that?"  

"Then don't go and kiss me!"

"I didn't fucking think, okay? It was a mistake!"

And with just one word, she managed to set my entire body burning again with unfathomable anger. It took everything I have to keep my shaking hands from slapping her across the face.

"A _mistake,_ " I repeated the offending word with a contemptuous sneer, "A fucking _mistake?_ "

"Let me expl-"

"Oh I think I've heard quiet enough, Mrs. Aird," I cut her off angrily.

"Theres-"

"A mistake," I laughed mockingly, "Well then you need get the fuck out before you make another one."

"Therese, come on, you know I don't me-"

"GET OUT!" I screamed.

The rising tone of my voice startled us both. A moment passed by without either of us saying anything.

"You-you," She struggled with words as her entire body trembled in anger, "You know what? I have been very patient and reasonable up until now but I have had enough!" 

"Well ain't you just dainty?" I folded my arms across my chess and narrowed my eyes at her disdainfully . 

She pointed at the door and announced, "I'm walking out!"

"By all means, please do." 

"I will," she seethed, "But get this, the moment I walk out of that door, I'll never talk to you again Therese Belivet. Do you understand that?"

I should have put a little more thought into my answer. But overcome by arrogance and anger, I didn't even think twice about what I said next: "Are you ever going to do it or do I have to throw you out?"

If looks could kill, I would have been murdered just about fifty times in that instant.

"Goodbye, Belivet," She snarled before swiftly turning on her heels. "Have a great fucking life!"

And with the most violent slam of the door known in history, she was gone.

Just like that.

All I wanted to do up at that point was getting her out of my sight. I was certain I couldn't bare looking at that face for a single second longer.

But now that she was gone, why didn't it give me the satisfaction and relief like I thought it would?

I felt rather...empty....and some other strange feeling that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

_What have I gotten myself into?_

Physically exhausted and emotionally spent from our fight, I slid down along her table and sat flat on the ground in the now empty office.

"Oh god," I threw my head back against the table and exhaled forcefully.

_What have I done?_

_What have I fucking done?_

_Have I completely lost my mind?_

_How stupid coul-_

"Goddammit!" I nearly lost my shit as Carol forcefully kicked the door open again and stormed inside, "You need to stop doing this, Therese Belivet!"

My eyes almost fell out of their sockets at the mere sight of her.

"W-what are you still doing here?" I stuttered, and then, remembering I was still supposed to be angry, I yelled: "Get out!"

"Stop it!" She pointed her finger at me accusingly, "Just stop it!"

"Stop what?"

"Driving me insane! This is exactly what happens every single time, you know? I have something to say, and then you come in, and, and, and you always drive me crazy, and then I forget what I wanted to say."

"Oh so what do you want me to do?"

"You need t-"

"Should I just shut up from now on then? Would that please you?"

"No no no that's not what I meant," she hurriedly explained, "What I meant to s - Goddamn it, you're doing it again! Stop, stop it!"

I snorted my disagreement at her accusation and looked away.

"Stop twisting my words, and for the love of God would you look at me when we're talking?!" 

"Well what did you originally come in to say then? Oh no no no no no no don't tell me," I waved my hands sarcastically, "Please, please let me guess, that's the fun part!"

"Therese-" She warned.

"This is a mistake? You're drunk? Oh no!" I clasped my hands together excitedly, "We can't use that excuse _this_ time!"

"Therese..."

"Or maybe we can? Maybe you are indeed drunk! Who knows? I sure as fuck don't know anymore!" I laughed maniacally.

"Therese..." She tried again, her eyes pleading me to stop.

"What else what else what else...oh oh! I know I know! This is wrong? I am too young to know what I want? Oh, that is golden!" I grinned victoriously, "Come on, Mrs. Aird, that is fucking good, you have to give me that. No? Alright I can name more. I can do better I promise. Let's see...Hmmmm you have a dau-"

"I want you, Therese."

"-ughter and a perfect husband and you don't wan to ruin your perfect little family and I am suc-" I stopped dead in the middle of my little rant as her words finally began to register in my mind.

"Uh..." I swallowed thickly, "Did you just say something?" 

"I said I want you Therese."

"Huh," I sucked in a deep breath and chuckled nervously, "Sorry, I may have misheard you there Carol. What did you say again?" 

Piercing me with her grey eyes, she repeated, slowly, but with conviction this time, "Therese Belivet, I want _you_."

"Huh," I scratched my left eyebrow, "Huh...y-y-y-y-y-y-y-you...huh...oh...oh...huh..." My breathing quickened, and I felt like my heart was going to collapse right there against my ribcage. 

"Therese?"

"You w-want-t-t-t-t-"

"Darling are you alrigh oh god Therese carefu-"

But her warning came a little too late because my ass was already in midair as I tripped over my own shoes and stumbled over her goddamn desk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was thinking of updating tomorrow since it would be a nice end-of-the-week kind of thing, you know? But oh what the hell. Patience has never been my virtue. 
> 
> And Oh. My. God. ONE THOUSAND FREAKING KUDOS?! Are you kidding me? Are you freaking kidding me? Get out of here!!! 
> 
> But seriously, I didn't even know there are this many Carol fans out there to begin with. Is this real!?!?!? Are you guys real people? You guys aren't just bots right...? 
> 
> :D 
> 
> Anyway, from the bottom of this dark, dark, twisted, and empty heart, I love you guys and I can't thank you enough. 
> 
> PS: Looks like our stubborn protagonists are finally moving forward, eh? At a snail's pace, and with lots of hurdles, but still!


	22. Decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the long wait. But helloooooooooooo, I am still here, still alive and well. 
> 
> Alright alright, I know you guys don't care, so just leave me here and read the chapter already!

"I'm fine! I'm fine! I'M FINE!" With my ass still decidedly glued to the floor, I shouted out in quick succession.

However, my pathetic cries of embarrassment proved to be quite unnecessary, as Carol chose to ignore them anyway and instead rushed over to my side in three quick strides.

And then she did something that I wouldn't even have dreamed of in a million years: silently, and _effortlessly,_  she picked me up in a manner that was very similar to the way one would normally use to pick up a doll, and then put me down on the desk as if I weighed nothing.

My mouth dropped open, too dumbstruck to even remember to utter a single cry of protest.

_What in the...Did she ju - Is that woman made of steel or something?!?_

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a smirk tugging at the corner of her lips when she caught my reaction, but it was gone before I got the chance to get a closer look at it.

"Just...stay very still," she instructed softly and cupped my cheeks as she proceeded to inspect my head. "How are you feeling? Are you okay? Does it hurt?"

I shook my head quietly, too mortified to say anything.

"How about here?" Careful not to use too much force, she moved her hands to the back of my head.

Another silent shake.

"Here?"

Shake.

"Does it hurt when I do this?"

"No...I'm," I let out a sigh, "I'm fine Carol, nothing hurts. Well, except for my ego I guess."

"Sure, sure," she answered dismissively as she ignored my remark and continued on with her physical examination. Only after she was completely satisfied that she had covered everything and that I didn't suffer any permanent brain manage, did she let go.

Then, very quietly, she asked, "So...what-"

"If you are going to say what I think you're gonna say, then don't."

"I don't know," she said. "We rarely ever have the same thoughts. You know that, Therese."

"Fine, continue then. What were you going to ask?"

"What happened bac-?" 

"I don't want to talk about it."

"What? Why not?"

" _Because_ , I know you, Carol. And I know you're only going to make fun of me."

"Excuse me?" She gasped, "Why would I? What kind of person do you think I am?"

"I don't know, I just thought-"

"Well you thought wrong." 

"Okay," I sighed. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I accept your apology. Now, tell me Therese," she lifted my chin up to get a better a look at me, her forehead creased in concern. And for a second I would have believed it if she didn't utter the next question, "Did...the table move?"

"Jesus..." I muttered, looking up at the ceiling exasperatedly.

"Or was it the chair?" She pressed, tilting her head to one side, her face convincingly deadpanned. "Did it pull out its leg and trip you with it?"

"Why did I even be-," I cursed under my breath. "Should have known better."

"That damn chair is always evil, you know? Look at it, you can literally see the evilness exuding from every single pore of its smug little face! Do you see that? You do right? And Walker has the nerve to laugh whenever I say I wanted to get rid of it!"

I glared at her for a long minute.

"What? I'm serious. He just doesn't believe me when I say the chair is the cul-"

"Do you think this is funny? I could have broken my neck, Carol!"

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry. But one, you didn't break your neck, I'd made sure of it," she winked. "And two, you have to admit it was pretty amazing! Now that I think about it, I don't think I have ever seen anyone actually trip like that before. You did a solid 180 degrees in the air or something, I mean, it was impressive, Therese! And the view, oh my god, the view," she started to fan herself with her hand. "If I weren't so concerned about your wellbeing, I would have appreciated the way your ass-"

"Carol!" I shrieked.

"Alright alright fineeeeeeee, Miss Perceptive. I did appreciate it, but, _but_ ," she held up a finger. "I was also concerned about your wellbeing."

"You're unbelievable." Deciding that I'd had enough of her childishness, I pushed myself off of the desk.

Just as I was about to walk away, she reached out to grab my arm, her brows furrowed in seriousness, "Therese?"

"Yes?"

She lowered her voice as she leaned in closer, "Careful when you go near the window; I've heard it tend to grab beautiful women when they walk by, too."

My face heated up and I jerked my arm away, "I hate you!"

She bursted out laughing, unable to hold it in any longer.

And I swear, in that second, my heart almost collapsed into itself.

The unexpectedness of it caught me completely off guard. And for a moment, I was overwhelmed by it all. The way she threw her head back, the way her laughter filled up the empty space, the way the corners of her lips lifted up to reveal those pearly white teeth of hers, the way her hands clutched at her belly...

In that moment, I was truly, deeply, and madly intoxicated.

Drunk off of her beauty and the ridiculousness of the situation we once again found ourselves in.

And _by god_ , what I wouldn't give to defy the law of physics right now. As ridiculous as it sounds, I _need_ the sun to stop shining, earth to stop spinning, time to stop passing, wind to stop blowing. Everything should freeze all at once, so that I could take this moment, bottle it up, and relive it forever and forever until the sky falls down on me. 

However, as it was with everything, soon the moment came to an end. Nothing is supposed to last forever. In life, there's no bottle. Only aftermaths.

I tried to put off the inevitable as long as I could, trying desperately to keep this Carol - carefree and happy, with me as long as possible.

But after a while, I gave up trying to avoid the question, realizing that she was waiting for me. 

"What did you say before," I waved my hand, "all of this?" 

"Therese," she hesitated, looking for the right words. "It did take me a while to realize, but...I know now that I want you."

My eyes darted up to stare into hers, paused, then shifted down again before I closed them completely. 

"Sweetheart?" Worried, she asked.

"Yes?"

"Please say something. You can't stay silent when someone says something like that." 

"You want me," I repeated dumbly, still closing eyes. "You want me." 

"Yes Therese, I do. I think," she replied slowly, like she was afraid I would instantly combust if a wrong word was said. "Are you...okay?"

"I-I-I think I need to sit down," I announced.

"Oh, s-sure h-"

Without waiting for her answer, I stood up and headed for the chair behind her desk, brushing her shoulder as I walked past her.

"No, you know what," I stopped and turned the other way. "I think I'm gonna stand. Yeah, I'm gonna stand. Standing is better. No, I'm gonna walk over there," I pointed to the opposite of the room. "I'm gonna walk? Okay? I'm walking, walking," I stopped when my face was inches away from the damn wall, "I'm standing!"

"I think we've established that already..."

"So you," I turned around to face her, "You said you wanted to-to-to...and now, and now, now you want me?"

"Yes, darling. That is exactly what I've been trying to say for the last ten minutes."

"But how? How. How. How. How. How. How. How?" 

"I don't know, Therese! It's just that," she ran her fingers through her hair nervously. "The thing is, I had tried everyday for the past few weeks to forget you. I don't want to want you, I never do. But I just- I just can't help it. I can't help wanting you, I can't help thinking about you, no matter how hard I try to fight against it."

I took in a deep breath, trying to calm my frantic heart, which was beating a bit too frantically at the way she used the word "want" and "you" in the same sentence.

"And I know I have no right," Carol's jaw stiffened, and she turned away from me to look out the window. "No right at all, to get angry whenever you are with that Cantrell, but just because I know something is wrong doesn't mean I can just go on and suppress my feelings. One can't just tell their heart not to feel what it feels. It doesn't work like that, unfortunately," she chuckled sadly.

"I didn't ask for any of this, you know?" She continued, a hint of frustration colored her tone. "I didn't ask for the longing, the jealousy, the confusion, the pain, the hurt. Oh god you have no idea how much it hurt," she closed her eyes momentarily, as if to collect herself. "The moment that I saw Cantrell in your apartment..." she exhaled sharply. "I know that I should let you go. I know that Cantrell is good to you, I can see it in her eyes. She will be good to you, she's the one you should be with...But Jesus, the thought of you with her. Imaging her in your arms, in your bed, under your sheets, loving you, keeping you, oh god, it kills me. I can't eat. I can't breathe. I can't even think properly. I can't! Every time I close my eyes all I can see is you touching her and loving her and it made me want to throw up. I didn't understand what I was feeling, I had never felt this way before, I don't even know what I'm feeling for you, but if I can't bear the thought of you with someone else...it's-it's gotta mean something...right?"

I kept my face composed, aware of her scrutiny as I listened. It was easier if I didn't try to believe.

"For god's sake Therese!" She threw her hands up. "Help me out here, can you at least _try_ to say something?!"

"I..."

"Do you realize how nerve wrecking it is to say something like that and get nothing in response? Do you?"

"I-I don't know! I don't know what it means, Carol! How should I know?" I exploded, my voice rising. "So _you_  tell me, Carol Aird. What the fuck does it mean?"

"I don't - all I know is that I can't bear the thought of you with her," a look of anguish crossed her delicate features. "Especially not when I finally know what it's like to be with you."

"But you are the one who pushed me away, Carol!" I accused bitterly.

"I know! Do you think I could ever forget that, even for a fucking second?" She was breathing heavily now, and her face was flushed. "I know I made my decision - to stay away from you forever, and I should live the rest of my life with that decision. I should. For your sake, and mine. But do you think I am strong enough to know that you have moved on? Do you think I am selfless enough to see you're fine without me? Do you think I am big enough to accept that I am no longer anything to you?"

I didn't know if those questions were meant to be rhetorical, or that she really wanted an answer from me. After a few silent seconds, I decided it was the latter and began to reply, "I d-"

"No! The answer is no, Therese. No, no, no, no! For fuck's sake, I can't even fake a smile when I see you're laughing with someone else other than me," she shook her head sadly. "I am selfish. I am flawed. I am self-centered. I am greedy. I just want you all to myself. But most of all, I am weak, Therese. I don't have the strength to dance this little pretense anymore."

I ran my hands through my hair and paced around the room uselessly, unable to comprehend at all what was happening. "What are you saying, Carol?! You told me you didn't feel the same less than a week ago and now you're telling me this? I don't - I don't understand! Are you playing with me? Is that it?" 

"I know what I said, but they were all just a lie, Therese, you have to know that," she walked up and grabbed me by my shoulders. "I was just guarding my heart, that's what I have always been doing, don't you see? Everyday, for as long as I can remember, I have to put on this mask, have to lock my heart away, have to put on a brave front for my daughter, for my family. You were, no, you _are,_ " she corrected herself. "You are the biggest risk, Therese. You were threatening to wreck everything I've built for myself - this life, this career, this family. My family may not be perfect, but it's the only one I have, you see?" Suddenly she wasn't so confident anymore, her eyes dropped, her voice almost...timid. "And so I thought I had to protect it. I thought I was doing the right thing. For both of us."

I waited for her to elaborate more, but to my dismay, she didn't say anything after that. It also didn't escape me that her eyes were now trained fixedly on her table, which was displaying a picture of Rindy Aird. 

"Carol?" I called, trying to bring her focus back to me.

It's a dick move, I know.

What am I thinking? Trying to compete with a kid for her mother's attention?

But I can't lose her. I _can't_. Not _now_.

_Morals be damned!_

"Carol?" I pressed, stroking her cheek. "So what's happened, Carol? What's changed?"

"I thought I could- I thought-"

She broke off abruptly, and walked to the window, while I watched her helplessly.

After a moment's pause, she went on without turning around - went on in a pained voice: "I thought I could live without you, that maybe one night with you is enough."

"Oh," I frowned at the answer. "Well...is it?" I asked, trying to sound indifferent. 

Carol turned, and, with her clear, brilliant eyes, looked fully at me.

"Do you even have to ask?"

Even though she was smiling at me, her eyes were sad. I remained silent.

"No, Therese. Not only the lust I have for you doesn't go away after that night, it only manages to intensify tenfolds the more I get to know more and more of you. Can you imagine what it feels like?"

"I..."

For a moment, I could not say anything more than that; then, having grasped her meaning, I rallied my courage, and answered: "I do, Carol. I know that feeling more than anyone else."

She seemed to be wavering, torn by some internal dilemma. Her eyes locked with mine, and I guessed she was making the decision right then whether or not to simply tell me the truth.

"So here I am, missing your touch every second of the day. And I thought to myself, why do I have to torture myself like this? I am a good person. I deserve to be happy too. So why do I have to do this to myself? To us? We don't have to miss each other. We don't have to fight each other. Why-why do I have to keep us apart?"

She pressed her lips together, staring at me through narrowed eyes, deciding again. Her eyes flashed down to the floor, and then back to me.

"I was tired doing the right thing. I have been a good girl all my life, following every set of rules there was to follow, doing everything that was expected of me, and look where it gets me. Here I am, as miserable as ever. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I couldn't even cry. What good does doing the right thing is when I'm dying every day? I know I don't act like it. I know everyone just thinks I'm this cold-hearted bitch...but I was always hungry for love. All my life, I was hungry for love, Therese. And just once, I wanted to know what it was like to get my fill of it - to be fed so much love I couldn't take it any more. Just once." Her voice was trembling so much it was barely above a whisper by the end of her sentence.

Carol dropped her head into her hands. Her anguish was plain; and I yearned to comfort her. To come over to her side and wrap her up in my arms. To hold her so tight she would forget every single bad thing lurking out there. To whisper sweet nothings in her ears. To offer her my comfort and assurance. To promise her that I'd give her all of that, and more. So, so much more.

But I was at a loss to know how. My hand reached toward her involuntarily; quickly, though, I dropped it to the table, fearing that my touch would only make things worse.

There was only a few steps between us, but it may as well be oceans; I wanted to _scream_.

"So you know what I say?" She finally asked as she lifted her head up, her grey eyes piercing mine. "I'd say screw it. Screw it all! I'm gonna live the way I want to and no one can fucking stand in the way of me and my happiness."

Then she pushed herself off the table and came forward. Slowly at first, then closer, closer, and closer, until I had a hard time focusing on anything but her sweet breath on my face.

"And you, _you_ , Therese Belivet," she whispered. "You are my happiness. And I'll be damned before I stand aside and let that _girl_  take away my happiness."

She smiled that breathtaking smile of hers, reached out, and tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ears. "Therese, I was wrong, I know that now, and I'm so sorry that I've hurt you. But please, please, sweetheart, _please_ tell me we're okay."

Her eyes were gentle but intense, and they seemed to be making my bones turn soft. "Give me another chance to fix this."

"Why, Carol?" I asked quietly. "When all you've done is hurting me."

"But I was hurting too, Therese! I didn't do it because I don't want you. I did it because I thought it was the only way."

"Do you know that-that," I struggled to get the words out as the memories were coming back. "That I promised myself I wouldn't have anything to do with you again after...that day...?" 

Her expression changed, softened and saddened by the subtle ache in my voice.

"Therese," she pleaded, taking my hands carefully in hers. "I am sorry. So, so, so sorry. You have no idea how much I hate myself for doing that to you." She dropped her face to the level of my eyes, holding my gaze. I was embarrassed. I tried to look away. 

"I should have been wiser," she continued in a whisper. "I shouldn't have lied. I shouldn't have pushed you away. I should have hold onto you, but how could I have known? How could I have known how much you really mean to me, Therese? There was no one like you before. There was no guideline. No manual. No instruction. I didn't know how to handle all of this. And like a fool, I go and fucked it up, and for that I am sorry." 

I averted my gaze, twisting and untwisting my fingers nervously, deliberating.

"You're saying all of this now...but what if...what if you change your mind again, Carol?"

"You still don't believe me, do you?" She surmised, her face dropped.

"Can you blame me?" My voice sounded sad, even to me.

"Therese," she gently lifted my chin up, her eyes seeking mine, full of patience and tenderness. "I would love to say that we will last forever, but we both know that's a lie. And I won't lie to you, not anymore." She paused, before looking at me, her eyes had softened, and there was a tinge of melancholy in her words, "I can't promise you the future, sweetheart. I can't even give you the conventional love. I won't be with you every night. I won't be there to wake up with you in the morning. I can't take you out to dinner. We won't ever be seen in public. What I'm trying to say is...I will never be able to love you the way you deserve to be loved. I wish I could love you as a whole person, but I am so broken, and I might always be."

I buried my head in my hands, unable to hold her gaze any longer. This was all too much. I woke up today thinking it was just another normal, boring, mindless day. I didn't prepare myself for this.

I didn't prepare myself for _her_.

And yet, here she was. Coming down upon me like a fucking tornado. Tearing everything in her wake. Forcing herself back into my life. My brain. My heart. _Again_.

"I know what I'm offering is a shitty deal, if not the shittiest, but it's all I can offer, Therese. Well, at least...for now. And I would understand if you never want to talk to me again. I would. But _god_ , if for whatever reason you choose to give this a chance, I would...I would...You'd make me the happiest woman on earth." 

She was looking directly at me while wearing this timid and hopeful smile on her face. I guessed she was waiting for my acknowledgement.

_But oh god, what does she want me to say?_

_What does she expect me to say?!_

I looked away, trying to buy some time. My eyes involuntarily wandered to the beautiful framed picture on the wall by her door, a picture of the Aird family in Vermont. I suddenly remembered my childhood fantasy that, should I ever win a lottery, I would immediately book a French Alps skiing vacation for my father. He wasn't really good — he only skied once in his life, in high school during a senior trip to New Hampshire — but I loved to watch him talk about it. Whenever he talked about it, he was always happy, absorbed — he seemed like a new, mysterious being to me then, someone outside the "dad" persona I took for granted.

Carol noticed my preoccupation.

"Belivet," she whispered, trying to bring me back to her. "You can't know what you've done to me. You don't know how much I've changed, because of you." 

She held my gaze, patiently waiting for me to say something, _anything._

After a few seconds of strained silence, realizing that I was not going to do so, she hesitantly reached out to take my hand in hers and squeezed it gently. "Please?" she added, softly and hopefully.

Standing rigidly, I contemplated quietly everything that had happened before me. Then I looked down at the hand that she was holding, trying to comprehend what it meant.

I knew she wanted an answer. I knew that.

And it was about damn time, too. God knows I'd taken long enough.

And so I did - I gave her my answer.

A simple, short, and concise one.

It was wrong to admit.

But I simply couldn't lie.

Just like I simply couldn't help the way my stomach swelled up with sickening satisfaction as Carol dropped her hand and staggered away upon hearing it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a reason for everything. You just gotta trust me, guyssssssssssss.
> 
> Reviews are better than Mrs. Aird telling you she can't stop thinking about you. 
> 
> Well, alrighttttttttt, it's not, but it's pretty damn close. So? What are you waiting for? Leave one!!!


	23. Fools

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Almost five whole months for an update, this is a new personal record!!! 
> 
> I could be coming up with all kind of excuses but none of it really matters right now, right? ;)
> 
> So awaaaaayyyyyyy we go! (￣▽￣)/♫•*¨*•.¸¸♪

"No." The offending word rolled off my tongue like liquid velvet.

Okay. Maybe not velvet exactly. More like something a lot more sinister than velvet. More like liquid lava. More like scorching hot liquid lava. Because I think it burned Carol.

Like, really, really _burned_ her.

Carol stood still, lips trembling. Her hand clenched tight on the back of the chair, her knuckles white.

A beat, before she repeated, "N-no?" 

"No."

"Why not?" She challenged stubbornly, her chin tilting upwards. Her tone - tense with an overlay of arrogance - could have fooled me.

Could have.

I snickered, seeing right through the facade. She was breaking down inside. Just the way I did not so long ago.  _Exactly_ like that.

And I should have felt sorry. I really should have. For no one deserved to feel that way. No one.

But if I'm being honest with myself, it was the last thing I could care about in that moment.

With my eyes piercing deep into her own, I enunciated the next words slowly and very, very carefully, "Because I've found someone else."

_Because you've found someone else._

_Because you've found someone else._

_Because._

_You._

_Have._

_Found._

_Someone._

_Else._

_What?_

_What?_

_WHAT?!?!!?!??!_

_WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? SAYING THAT TO HER? WHAT THE HELL!?!?_

My brain screamed at me, and I myself knew, what I did - wait, correction, what I was doing - was crazy. And yet I refused to budge.

I just had to do it. I just had to tell her. I didn't know why I had to, but I just did. And with that in mind, I held my stance, I held her gaze, I am _not_ backing down this time. 

_What would she do?_

_Would she lash out?_

_Would she scream at me?_

_Would she call me a slut?_

_Would she accuse me of being cruel?_

A thousand of scenarios began to run frantically through my head while my heart was beating so fast I swear I could hear the blood coursing in my ears.

I'm pretty damn sure I'm about to have an atrial fibrillation any moment now since my heart beats were all, medically speaking, irregularly irregular. 

Just when I was about to faint from all the stress and anticipation, Carol let out a strangled cry and dropped her head into her hands. And when she looked up, a look of unbearable sadness adorned her delicate features.

"Who?" She demanded, her voice dry of emotions.

"Carol, we don't have to do t-"

"Who, Belivet?" She cut me off, her voice low and stern.

I frowned, and worried my lip. She waited. 

"Remember the day you came to see me when I was sick?"

Wordlessly, she nodded.

"After we said goodbye, the...craziest thing happened," I nervously ran my fingers through my hair, "It's just...I don't know...I was...Well..."

"Say it."

"I was so worked up after seeing you, I knew I had to get out of the apartment before I smash everything in there. So..."

"So?" She prompted after I was being quiet for too long.

I sighed, but continued, "I...decided to take a walk. I don't know why, I don't know how, but before I knew it, I'd just ran for half an hour straight. And somehow, somehow, it helped. You know, the run, it helped clear things up. Not everything, but something at least. And as I was making my way back, much calmer now, when all of a sudden I heard someone scream my name." 

Her eyes widened as she stared at me, wondering where the fuck my story was going. 

"So I turned my head, just in time to see Geneviev-" Her eyebrows immediately shot up to her temple as she gawked at me in disbelief.

"-e, who just came out of nowhere, tripped on a patch of uneven grass, twisted her ankle, and tumbled right into my arms."

"What?" She exclaimed.

"Turns out she came back to my place to make sure I was okay, and when she didn't see me inside she was even more worried. And well, I guess she was just so relieved to see me okay she didn't look where she was going and tripped. Anyway," I waved my hand dismissively, "I took her back to my apartment and bandaged her up, and because she didn't have anyone with her, I offered her to stay over, 'cause you know, returning the favor and all that. One day turned into two, and two turned into three. Long story short, we are kind of dating right now."

" _What?!_ "

"Yeah, and I'm taking her out to dinner tonight."

Carol opened and closed her mouth a couple times but nothing came out, so I continued.

"I'm also meeting her parents tonight. I know I know," I laughed nervously, "It's kind of fast and crazy, but I have never felt anything like this before."

"Oh," Carol dropped her gaze to the floor and took a step back, "Oh."

"Carol?"

"I-I..." She stuttered. 

"Yes?"

"I just - I just...I need a minute, Therese."

Call me delusional, but she looked absolutely heartbroken to me. And she had a way of looking heartbroken that was positively heartbreaking.

"I just...need a minute." she breathed.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is..." I hesitated, running my hand through my hair again for, I'm pretty sure, a thousandth time tonight, and said, "I'm sorry, Carol, but I have...moved on."

Her eyes locked on mine wide and wild, and her nostrils flared. Shock—pure shock flashed across her features at what I just confessed, and she stumbled back a step. Actually stumbled.

"Caref—" I started to reach out for her but she quickly held both of her hands up, effectively stopping me from coming any closer. 

She tried to sit down, but it was more like a stumble and fall that left her in a trembling heap on the floor.

And I just stood there. Not knowing what to do. I just stood there like an absolute  _idiot_.

It may have been a second, but it certainly felt like eternity before she finally spoke again, relieving me of my stupidness. 

"Therese?" She called out, barely above a whisper. And if I hadn't been staring at her lips, I may have missed it.

I held my breath, waiting for her. But she spoke no more, and when she turned her head slightly to the left, allowing me to sneak a quick peek at her she once again had her eyes closed, silent tears streaming down her face.

"Oh," I blurted as I stood there, mouth agape and eyes widened, "Oh..."

" _Oh!_ " My brain snapped as my body _finally_ sprung to action, rushing to her side, "No no no, Carol, no!" 

"I'm sorry Therese...I'm so sorry!" She cried out.

"No no no no no no no no," I shook my head vigorously, "No no no no no no, Carol. Don't cry. Don't cry."

"I'm s-sorry. I'm sorry for being s-stupid. I'm sorry for being too late," she tried to get the words out, but it was very hard between her sobs, "I'm sor-sor-sor-s-"

"No, no, no Carol. Please don't cry. _Please_."

"I'm so stupid. I'm so _fucking stupid_. I could have had y-y-you," she sobbed. "I should ha-ha-ha-ha-have held on to y-y- "

"No baby, no." I begged, "You're not stupid. No, no, don't say that."

"No Therese, I d-d-d-deserve it, I deserve e-e-everything. I was s-s-such a b-b-b"

"Carol I was kidding."

"I'm sorry I didn't fight for you. I'm so-so-so-so s-orry Therese."

"Carol I was kidding. Hey, hey, look at me," I shook her shoulders, forcing her to focus on me, "I. Was. Kidding."

"- I-I-I'm sorry I didn't fight for u-u-u-us. And and-d-d-d...huh?"

"I was totally messing with you. None of that is true. Please don't cry."

Carol was dumbfounded. For a time she just stared at my fixedly without saying anything. I was afraid to even breathe, it seemed like even the slightest sound could set her off any minute.

"Huh?"

"I was kidding."

" _What?_ "

"There's no one else!" I exclaimed and hugged her to my chest, "Don't you see? I think about you all the time."

"Hwhaatm?' Her voice was muffled with her face pressed tightly to my body.

"You're the only one I want."

"Hwwha?" She asked again before shoving me back, breaking out of my embrace, _aggressively_. " _What?!?"_

"What?" I repeated.

"What are you saying?"

"I accept your offer. Let's start over again."

 _"What?!_  Wait. Wait Wait. WAIT! What's happening?!"

"I said I accept your offer."

"No, not that, b-before. What were you saying before? None of what was true?"

"None of...everything I said?"

"What?"

"What?"

"Don't you what me!!" She snapped "What the fuck is going on!!!"

"I said none of what I was saying was true!"

"Nothing?"

"Nope."

"So you didn't go for a run after I left?"

"Well yes I did,"

"So it _is_ true!"

"No, it isn't true. Wait, no. I mean, jesus christ you're making me lose my mind -"

"ME?"

"Okay! Okay! Fair enough. But no, what I meant is, I did go for a walk after that, but nothing crazy happened."

"So you didn't meet anyone after that?'

"No."

"And there is no Genevieve?"

"No! Of course not. There's only you."

"Then why would you say it? Why would you say all of...that?" 

"Because I wanted to fuck with you."

Again, Carol was dumbfounded. "You wanted to fuck w- You wanted to f- right now? You decide right now is the suitable time for that?!"

"Yes."

"WHY?!" She screamed in my face.

"If not now then when? When is the best time for that?"

"Never! There is never a good time for those kind of jokes!"

"See? I knew you'd say that so -"

"What is wrong with you?" She asked, half in shock, half in disbelief.

"Caro-"

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!!" She shrieked, her eyes turning into slits, hardened, unforgiving. "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU BELIVET?!" She screamed bloody murder as she shoved me backwards.

"I DON'T KNOW OKAY?!" I screamed back as I tried to prevent my butt from making another fantastic landing on the floor. I mean, her floor was nice and all, carpeted and clean and smooth, but I really didn't want direct contact from butt to floor again, there is only so much an ass can take in one - 

"What the fuck is wrong with you!!" She seethed, interrupting my train of thoughts, "I spilled my guts out to you and then you go and "joke" like this, you heartless piece of shit! WHY?!!"

"I told you, I don't know!"

"Oh yeah?" 

"...y-yes?"

"WELL I DON'T FUCKING CARE. COME UP WITH AN ANSWER RIGHT NOW OR I'LL KILL YOU." 

"Jesus Christ, fine. Fine!" I held my hands up, "You want an answer? I'll give you an answer!"

"Well?"

"I...You...I mean...Come on...Just...The thing is..."

"Answer me, you jerk!"

"Fine! Fine! I wanted to hurt you, okay?"

"Pardon me?"

"I wanted to hurt you! There I said it, are you happy now?" 

But Carol looked anything but happy, she froze, dropping her hands down to her side."You wanted to hurt...me?"

"No, I mean..." I pinched the bridge of my nose frustratedly and averted my eyes.

"You wanted to hurt m-me." She repeated, her voice breaking at the end of the sentence.

"It's not that, I just..." I turned to look at her but she was already at the other end of the room. "Oh come on!" I threw my hands up frustratingly. "I knew you'd take it the wrong way."

"What?" She snapped, glaring at me, "What? What, Belivet? What other way am I supposed to take it?"

"I just mean that I, I just want -"

"- to hurt me. Yeah, I know." 

"No!"

"Yes."

"No, no, no. You've got it all wrong. I just...I just...I just want you to feel the same thing I felt..."

At that, she turned to look at me, her eyebrows scrunched together.

"You...hurt me a lot." I closed my eyes, remembering the pain not too long ago. "I nearly died when you said you didn't want me...And no, I'm not exaggerating, no, Carol. I didn't know why I felt so much, I _didn't even want_ to feel so much for you, but I did. And it nearly killed me..."

"I'm sorry I did this to you," I continued at her silence, "I know it is wrong. But there exists this part, this part inside of me, this ugly and damaged part of my heart, and it just wants revenge...for you to feel the pain it had once experienced. Even just for a second...."

She remained quiet, turning her head away. But I caught her eyes just before she turned, and they were...softened?

After a while, I approached her again, tentatively. The way one approaches a wounded animal, I didn't want to set her off again.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm so sorry, Carol."

My hand reached for hers, and she...let me.

YES!

I'm holding her hand!

YES!!!!

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry," I whispered, over and over again, bringing her hand up to kiss the top of each fingers.

It was brief, but I definitely saw a faint of a smile there!

"I'm so sorry, baby. It was stupid. _I_ was stupid. And bringing up Genevieve-"

"Yeah," she jerked her hand back, glaring at me. And once again the fire was back. _Fuck_. "Don't you ever think I'd forgive you for bringing her up," she hissed.

"Come on Carol," I pleaded. "You can't...you..." I sighed frustratedly.

"I can't what, Therese?" She asked, the sarcasm was overflowing in her question. "What can't I do?"

"I already explained, I only wanted to hu-"

"WELL GREAT FUCKING JOB. I WAS HURT."

"WELL GOOD THEN! THAT WAS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED." I shouted right back at her.

_Okay._

_Yes._

_Yes yes yes._

_I know lashing out right now wasn't the answer. We had had enough of shouting already. And yes, this time I am the one at fault here. Just a little. Okay, maybe not so little. But dammit, she just has a way of riling me up._

"ARE YOU HAPPY?" She pressed.

"EXTREMELY."

"I HATE YOU." She pointed her finger accusingly.

I grunted.

"I SAID I HATE YOU!"

"OKAY!"

"IhateyouIhateyouIhateyouIhateyouIhateyouIhateyouyouimmaturepieceofshit!!!!" She started to chant all the while poking me on the chest. And no, they weren't playful pokes. They were the real kind of pokes. 

Aka it hurt. A lot.

"Ow. Ow. Ow. Caro-Ouch."

"IhateyouIhateyouIhateyou"

"Ow. Ow. Come o-ouch. What are y-Ouch. Ow. Ow. Do- Ouch. What-Ow. Carol st-ouch! Stop it!" I grabbed her wrists and tried my damnest to keep them together as she started to struggle, "Just stop it!"

"MAKE ME!" She screamed at me.

"I WILL! DON'T TEST ME! I FUCKING WILL! I'M WILLING TO DIE IF I HAVE TO."

_So what if she's stronger than me? Who cares? If history has taught me anything, it's that it's not always the strongest one who wins battles, it's the psycho who does._

And she must have seen a lot a psycho in my eyes because in the next instant, she stopped struggling and told me to go fuck myself.

"Good," I tried to hide my smile, "Now, do you still want to be with me or not?"

"I. HATE. YOU." She gritted her teeth spitefully. 

"Thanks, but I know that already, I have ears. Do you still want to be with me or not?"

"You're an asshole, Belivet."

"Again, I know, but that's not what I asked."

"I DON'T CARE!"

I cursed under my breath.

"ASSHOLE BELIVET!"

"I swear to god this will be the last time I'm gonna ask it, do you want to be with me or not?!"

She huffed and glared at me.

"DO YOU?!"

"YES!"

"Then you really need to shut up, get your ass over here, and kiss me. The order doesn't really matter to be honest."

She blushed a deep shade of crimson, and then shouted back, but the aggressiveness was gone now. "I WILL!" 

"WELL GOOD!"

"YEAH!"

"WELL THEN DO IT!"

"RIGHT NOW?!"

"WHY NOT?"

"I-" She stopped herself, "I-I CAN'T, NOT RIGHT NOW!!! I'M STILL VERY ANGRY A-"

Thought didn't enter into it. Her lips were there. And she was before me. Just like it was a few weeks ago.

But this time it was different.

This time, I _knew_ she wanted me. Just as much as I wanted her.

And so I scooped her to me with an arm across her back, which was what I should have done all this time. A faint gasp escaped her as her body collided into mine, but she remained supple and moving in my arms, her head titled, making it so easy.....so _damn_ easy.  

I kissed her, with more than an edge of desperation.

I'd needed this. I'd missed her. _God, how I'd missed her_. The feel of her softness against mine, the warmth and mystery of her mouth, the slide of her tongue against mine. 

As soon as our lips touched, everything else faded away. I know it sounds cheesy as hell and all, but I don't care anymore because it made sense. The moment I kissed her, everything made sense. Every doubt that I had, every pain that I had to go through, every tear that had been spilled over her, they all made sense.

And I'd do it all, over and over and over again, just to be with her. Because it was worth it, _she_ was worth it. 

After a moment, I let her go, only to look at her again, to know for certain that this was still what she wanted.

"I'm sorry I made you cry," I whispered softly, my nose resting against hers, "I just wanted to reject you." I put my finger on her lips as I saw she was about to start again.

"I just want to know what it feels like...at least once in this life, I want to know what it feels like to do that." I closed my eyes and breathed in her scent. "Because I know, from now on, I won't ever be able to say no to you."

"Therese..."

"I'm sorry. I'm just a stupid idiot."

She smiled, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. "You're not an idiot," she shook her head, "But you're _a fool_."

"A fool for you." I grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you believe we're finally here? And it *only* takes 23 chapters haha! You thought it'd never happen, did you? ;)
> 
> And oh, happy 4th! (I didn't plan to post it tonight, but I figures 'Hey, it's independence day, may as well give them something' So I apologize in advance if the writing is sloppier today :D
> 
> Ps: Hey Olive, remember that one time when you got _super_ mad at me? It isn't so bad when I write it out like this, is it?


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